I set my suitcase down. I've made it. I'm at Princeton, studying to be an electrical engineer. I made it because I had to. Most of my family wanted me to return to the country my father emigrated from to be given away in an arranged marriage. He is the only open-minded person in the whole extended tribe. Everybody else believes a girl's education should consist of learning to cook, before she is married off and feeds her husband and children. I wanted a career: a life and name of my own. So I gave everything to studying, and my father persuaded enough of them that I would earn enough money to secure their old age.
So here I am, about to start classes. My family's strictness has followed me here. He's paid extra for me to be in a single-person dorm, as my aunt related stories of roommates getting up to all sorts of ungodly things. So I am alone, I'll stay by myself, study, and get that job in four years. Then I can work, provide for others in the family, and make something of myself. I had two suitors before I joined. Nice men it seemed, but neither of them excited me. Neither of them made me want to leave studying or give up a job. Does such a man exist? What's it like to forget about work, and make another human your life? My family made sure I committed everything to studying. I got in on my grades and on a music scholarship due to playing the violin daily from age 5. Outside of that, I confess I'm innocent.
My dorm is opposite a field, and outside older girls are playing hockey. It looks exciting, but rough and dirty. I didn't play sports, it's considered obscene for girls to be competitive in my culture. I focused on sitting and learning, my family used to say I needed food to power my brain. So I am shaped differently to the girls out there on the field. I have two layers of belly fat, they seem to just be muscle.
I notice one girl; as the match ends she seems to be the leader of the winning team. She high-fives her teammates. Tall, blonde, with the largest amount of arm and leg muscle I've ever seen. I wonder if she has the abs I've occasionally noticed on Olympic athletes.
I leave my room. I want to inquire, see if I can join a beginner hockey team. It looks fun, exhilarating, and after years of academic work and music playing I need to try something different. I get to the field, hoping to ask someone if they allow freshmen to join a beginner team and learn to play.
The team I saw was still in the field, practising some moves. I felt nervous to ask them, they would surely laugh at me when they see me. A fat freshman who's never played hockey or any sport before. But maybe they'd know if there's even a beginner team on the campus.
However, as I stand looking lost, the team leader girl I saw earlier notices me. She asks if she can help me and I say I'm looking to learn to play hockey. I find out she's a senior, and helps coach the freshman girls teams. Tomorrow at 3pm is the first practise session. Come along.
Her name is Marina, that's the most I could get as her teammates called her to go and change. All of them are beautifully athletic women. Sculpted muscles, rosy cheeks, and legs which can seemingly run and shoot the hockey ball for hours without tiring.
I take a trip to the campus clothes store to buy some kit. I don't really know what to wear, but I get a comfortable t-shirt, shorts, and studded boots. I finish dinner and go to bed - it was a long journey to Princeton. But at night I struggle to sleep. I can't stop thinking of the hockey team. Particularly Marina. She's gorgeous. An athlete. A leader. If she was here now she would protect me. Perhaps one day I'll make it onto her team, and afterwards we could relax in a hot tub together. I could look through the bubbles and admire the abs that are surely pert underneath her hockey shirt.
Stop it. What are you thinking? What would your family say if they knew you were thinking about a girl like that? They barely tolerate you being an independent student. Under no circumstances can you even dream about admiring another woman. You're to keep yourself beautiful for your man. You don't desire anyone yourself.
The next day I have my first classes. But the thought of hockey, and seeing Marina again, consumes me. I manage to focus, learning about logic gates in circuits, but it's a struggle. I want to see her again. I want to admire that wonderful body. I want to learn to play a sport and be with her as we win.
3pm comes round and I'm on the field. There's about a dozen girls here, all new and looking awkward. Then Marina and one of her teammates from yesterday arrive. Soon we're practising. I'm not good. I miss the ball the first three times I try to hit it, one time even knocking my big toe. I cry in pain and Marina comes to me. Sees that I will be OK, tells me to focus, and holds my stick for me. She shows me how to take a stroke, and I finally hit it. By the end of the session I was able to get it into the net without a keeper there.
As it ended, I got close to Marina in order to talk to her. I asked her: "where can we shower?" My family would tell me to go back to my dorm, they wouldn't approve of me even being out here. But I'm an adult. I'm in America, and I will be free.
"In the shower block. Come with me and I'll show you," she replies. I'm excited, and my tummy flutters. I think I blushed. Showering is something I do every day, but with Marina there - I might see her muscles wet and soapy. Wow.
We get to the shower block. Still nervous, I tell Marina "I didn't bring a towel or change of clothes."
"Don't worry, I keep spares. I've got a nice big woollen towel to wrap you in."
We get into the ladies block. There are lockers, a big floor, and a row of showers. It's hard to see in because of the steam, but the showers are close together.
"Don't we have separate cubicles? I've never showered like this before."
"No we shower together. It's fun, we laugh and chat as we wash. I'll show you."
Im embarrassed. I'd be naked, exposed, in front of other women. I've always been very private, kept to myself. Plus these are athletes with bodies like the ancient Amazonians. I'm a lump.