At the bar on a crowded early Friday night, Lauren sat across from Julia at a private booth away from all the mingling couples, watching all the other women at their table suspiciously. She leaned back on her left elbow to take in the crowd that Julia assured would be discreet. But that didn't matter really; Lauren was perturbed at her first encounter in what could best be described as a match making session. Almost everyone at the table was single. They were all very experienced. Lauren just listened, not really taking a part in the conversation. She had been introduced to everyone earlier, but the names hadn't registered.
Though they were all hard and fast lesbians who had long come to terms with their preferences, Lauren could see the subtle culture differences. Though the initial impression of each woman fell along the lines of 'butch' and 'femme', Lauren had a sense of not just their role, but how they would function in the real world. It did not make one identity more or less than the other, but just provided more observation for Lauren.
'I wonder what Julia is.' Lauren's thought wandered.
"How do you know Julia?" asked the one sitting directly next to Lauren. The others were busy in their beer and chatting about their week at work and other various activities. The conversation had not wandered over to Lauren since she had been introduced.
"Julia and I work at the same school." Lauren stammered having been stunned from her protective cocoon to participate in the conversation.
"Oh? What subject do you teach?" she asked sincerely curious, but to Lauren, all she wanted was out of this situation.
"I'm working with the special education program, helping the physically and mentally challenged students integrate into the classroom."
"Wow, you must have a lot of patience. Was that what you wanted to do?'
'Tracy? No, Kerry? Some name ends in 'y'.' Lauren's mind tried to hunt down the name that she had been given earlier. Twelve new names and they were all sped by and Lauren had tried to keep up. She had been emotionally taxed on everything today. A student had a long and complicated break down that had needed to be addressed immediately and as professionally and as rationally as possible. 'Tracy' was a tall brunette who favored her couture look of a tailored skirt suit and was well manicured. Lauren felt underdressed in a t-shirt and an unbuttoned black oxford shirt and jeans sitting next to her. But much to her relief, the other women in the group had managed to keep things equally casual. Jeans and t-shirts seemed to be the acceptable dress code. Lauren had wondered earlier when she had left her apartment to walk to the bar. She regretted not consulting with Julia before she had chosen what to wear.
"I wanted to do anything that paid the bills." Lauren answered candidly. 'What is her name?' Lauren's mind fretted.
Another little echo in Lauren's mind spoke up, 'It's okay! You can do this; you need to meet more people. Maybe you'll date one. Then you'll be able to get this awkwardness behind you.' The little cheerleading voice was drowned by her vexation over what 'Tracy's' real name was.
"Where has Julia been keeping you all this time? She never said there was anyone else gay where she worked. I bet you're keeping a whole list of lesbians at work that you're tearing through and letting us have the leftovers." Accused someone across the table and to the left of Julia.
Lauren's mind was distracted and she looked in the direction of the heavily pierced butch, and then wished she hadn't.
"They're all mine." Claimed Julia raising her eyebrows provocatively. "Lauren was just too young for my tastes."
The comment pierced Lauren's heart shattering it into a million pieces. Lauren took a deep breath. She didn't want that comment to be true. She wanted to touch Julia and find out if that was true.
'How can I be attracted to her and never have her!' Lauren's mind panicked. Lauren said nothing more and finished her beer.
"I'm sorry, I need to go, I have some things waiting for me."
"Can I walk you out?" asked Tracy standing up and looking Lauren in the eyes, smiling.
Lauren reached into her pocket and pulled out fifteen dollars and ran a hand through her hair and shrugged.
'Out. I want out.' Lauren's mind turned directly to the door.
"Have fun!" Julia called out distracted by a conversation she was having between herself and someone else at the other end of the table.
Though the bulk of her attention had been on the conversation she was having, Julia had watched the short exchange and she was worried. It had taken Lauren nearly twenty minutes to warm up to the group, and then when Casey made real conversation with Lauren, Lauren seemed to speak as if she had never spoken before. Julia did take into consideration that perhaps Lauren might have just found Casey overwhelming and possibly even attractive. Julia had initially believed that Casey was very attractive when they first met. But the look of fear that drew all the blood from Lauren's face when Eddie had spoken up had made Julia wish she hadn't introduced Lauren to so many people all at once.
When Lauren excused herself, Julia hadn't been surprised one bit. She had watch Lauren withdraw more and more and the conversations went on. Lauren couldn't find her place with the group and without Julia sitting right by her side to encourage her to actively participate, Lauren was just not going to find any common ground with these women. What had shocked her was that Casey had asked to join Lauren outside and Lauren, either not understanding what Casey was going to do, or understanding what was going to happen and wanting it, was about to allow it to happen.
Casey was going to follow Lauren outside and then drag her to the car where Lauren would experience perhaps fifteen minutes in heaven. If she made the 'cut' as Casey had always put it to the group, Lauren might make it home with Casey where they would have unbridled, and unrestrained casual sex. Lauren would then find herself alone the next day wondering what had happened the previous night.
Julia had never made it past the door. She had not been comfortable with dating just yet and Jeremy had been too young then to be left alone all night with the sitter, Julia had left their relationship as a friendship. She had heard endless tales of Casey's exploits. It had opened Julia's eyes to the probability that life in its rich variations still continued on regardless of gender preference.
'I never warned Lauren.' Julia felt guilty. Another pain entered Julia's mind, which she would later realize was jealousy. She didn't want anyone else having a stab at Lauren, which made her comment about Lauren not being old enough for her even more distressing.
'Why am I feeling this way about Lauren?' Julia wondered for the briefest moment watching Lauren and Casey walk away.
Lauren led the way as she and Casey left the bar. Nearing the exit, Casey put a hand on the small of Lauren's back, and was surprised as they walked out together that Lauren had jerked away. No one had ever jerked away.
"Julia is such a bad judge of what she needs!" Casey hissed in Lauren's ear. "You're so young and beautiful. I'm appalled she isn't in to you."
The warm breath from Casey's mouth sent shivers down Lauren's spine stopping her in her tracks. Her eyes were wide and lost and she spun around as she stepped outside and stared unbelievingly at Casey.
"Excuse me?"
"Come on Lauren, you know what's coming next. This way to my car." Casey motioned to the silver BMW on the far end of the parking lot.
"Car?" Lauren's brows furrowed. "I'm sorry I'm not following you at all."
"Julia didn't tell you? I want to test drive you for the night, see if you're any good." Casey walked closer and tried to draw Lauren with her body language. The frank crass nature of Casey's comments stunned Lauren.
'Why would she want to test drive me?' Lauren gawked for a moment and then the light bulb was finally turned on. Lauren's eyes got wide and she tried to control her growing fears for herself.
"Um, no, Julia doesn't tell me things like that. And I'm not a car. There's nothing on me that needs to be tried."
