Author's note:
I kept debating on whether to share this story or not, but I think it would be cruel to keep it to myself. To make it easy on you, Emma will be speaking in present time and Camryn will be recounting the past. I did not intend for the story to be written that way, the characters chose that themselves.
XOXO SkylerLuv
**Warning**This story touches on topics of suicide, self-harm, and BDSM. Please enjoy one of my other stories if you are looking for something tamer.
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{Emma}
I am yanked out of the darkness.
I can't make sense of where I was or where I am.
What was that?
Slowly, my consciousness rolls itself out of a deep, deep slumber.
There it is again. A beep. A monitor? An alarm? It is faint and rings again after an alarming pause.
I groan.
"Emma?"
Mom?
My eyelids are weighted down, impossible to move. Where am I? I hear the beep again. I try moving my head but my neck is stiff. So stiff. It hurts to swallow. My mouth is dry. There is no saliva. Every inch of my body protests against any movement. I still try.
"Oh, don't try to move, sweetheart." Her voice breaks and she sniffles.
"Mom?" I force myself to reach out to her, through the pain I find her hand. Her hand is tiny in mine. Frail and wrinkled.
I try to open my eyes, even manage to move my lids a centimeter but the bright light forces them shut again. The buzzing light above us, the whiteness of the walls, the sunlight coming from the windows, it is all too much.
I groan again.
"Ken!" Her tone is more alert.
I feel another body come around to my other side. "Emma, oh my poor baby." My father sobs into my chest.
The fear in his voice frightens me. It is hard not to force my eyes to open from the distress their voices. I try opening my eyes slowly this time and manage to keep them open. It takes a while for them to adjust. They burn and no amount of blinking helps. I try to assure them with my eyes that I am okay. But I don't know if I'm okay. I don't know where I am. Based on how sterile the room is, I can assume I'm in a hospital. The beeping is my heartbeat being reflected on a small screen. Are the pauses supposed to be that long between each beep? Something is not right. Well, nothing seems right.
"Dad?" My voice is small and sounds more like a croak. Unrecognizable. "Mom, please. I'm okay." I close my eyes again to give them some rest.
It hurts to speak. My vocal cords grind against each other feeling like sandpaper is being shoved down my throat. I try one last attempt to open my eyes for good and reassure them that I am fine. I have to blink tears from my eyes before I'm able to see them clearly. I try to sit up but a sharp pain shoots up my spine. Fuck! I lay back against the bed, pretending that every nerve in my body isn't fighting for me to sit still.
My father is still crying against my chest, his arms are wrapped around my waist. My mother wipes my face and tries to put on a strong face. Her smile is forced, her lips pale, nothing at all like her usual collected look. Her short brown hair looks oily and tangled. How long have they been here?
"Ken, look at her. She's awake. She's here. She's okay." She pats his back.
He wipes his nose with the back of his thick hand and looks at me through bloodshot eyes. His lips tremble but he stops crying. I am his only baby girl. His fair hair is almost white, the wrinkles much more pronounced. He's aged years since I last remember him.
When was the last time I saw him?
"It's okay sweetheart. We're here. We're here." My mom wipes my tears away.
~~~~
{Camryn}
She is a shadow. Practically an afterthought.
Just a few seconds away from not being a person at all.
I lean further against the railing to get a better look at her face. By the look of her profile, I can tell she has a lot of resolve. Frail but unafraid. Definitely determined. She has probably gone through her whole life without voicing her own opinions and sits in the background while others take center stage.
A wallflower, wilting away right before my eyes.
Her pale skin is alarmingly white. Her cheeks cave in making her cheekbones appear sharper. There are dark circles under her eyes. Her hair is as dull and lifeless as she is. Like hay, yet much softer. She's all legs and arms. Thin. Much too thin.
There is enough room between us to fit a group of tourists from South Korea.
They're all alive. Taking pictures, capturing the sunny day on this sturdy bridge. Each one takes turns posing in front of the water. They're not loud and boisterous like others that I have seen, but compared to the lifeless girl next to them, their joy is almost offensive. She doesn't pay them any mind though. Her eyes are focused on the deep, dark waters below us. Does she notice the peaking rocks as well? I look down again trying to see them from her perspective. They've been there longer than we have been alive. How long has she been alive?
One of the bigger men in the group accidentally bumps into her but she barely notices. Her eyes look up at the clouds. Well, the single cloud in the sky. Just a wisp of it, transparent and unassuming. There is no emotion on her face. Nothing to betray her thoughts. But I hear her loud and clear. As if she is yelling at the top of her lungs but everyone around her is oblivious to the sound. But I hear her. The words may be incoherent but I want to believe I understand their meaning.
I dispose of my cigarette and make my way over to her.
"Hi." I lean against the railing and avoid looking directly at her. I look back down at the rocks.
She doesn't hear me.
It's like talking to someone on a different timeline. We're both here but are we even here at the same time? I picture her in the distant past, coming to this bridge to contemplate her life. And I am here now, trying to reach her. There is white noise surrounding her, making her less attainable. How can I penetrate through that? This is going to be tricky.
"How are you today?" I want to take out another cigarette but I don't want the smell to bother her.
Again nothing.
My fascination and concerns are purely selfish, I'll admit. I am attracted to dark things. Images, thoughts, people. She reminds me of my younger self. The one that had broken thoughts and no safe outlets. I always wondered what would have happened if I had someone genuinely ask me what was wrong back then. To truly care about my answer. An although my curiosity is selfish, I must also admit that deep down I want to take this girl out of her own head. Yes, I appreciate the mystery around her from an artistic point of view but I want to also appreciate her true self. If she shows me, I bet I would find a real treasure. I won't build her up to be something she is not in my head. I have done enough of that in the past.
The tourist group moves on, taking all the buzzing noise with them.
The bridge is now left bare.
"I'm fine." She smiles a little.
I feel slightly disappointed but relieved. Disappointed because it wasn't yelling that I thought I heard earlier. Maybe it was just a hearty sigh. She doesn't need help, she's okay. She is here now, not somewhere in the future or stuck in the past. Maybe today has just been rough on her. I've all been there.
"It's a lovely day." Her voice is delicate.
"It is." I look back out at the water and the twinkling lights from the sun's reflection.
We stand in silence once more and I take the hint. My presence is now imposing.
Never one to stay where I am not wanted, I pull back and sigh.
"I will see you around." I hope.
She nods.
I walk past her.
I guess going downtown will have to wait. I have spent too much time letting my mind obsess over her.
I don't want to turn back and look at her as I walk away. She will probably sense that I'm staring too. It will be too creepy. She is okay. She is fine. She smiled. I curse and turn back anyway. I don't know if I will ever see her again. One last look to burn into my brain should be enough.
My stomach drops as I see her pull her body up onto the metal railing. She plants one foot and then the other with determination, her arms shoot out as she tries to regain her balance.
She's going to jump!
~~~~
{Emma}
I wake up again, but not because of the monitor this time.
"Mom?" Shifting my upper body, I look to my right.
She's sleeping on the small couch. A light blanket covers her upper body. My father is no longer in the room. It's night time and the only light in the room is coming from the T.V hanging from the wall. There's an old baseball game playing with no sound.
I really need to use the restroom.
"Emma!"
I jump at the voice coming from outside my room.
"Get off of me! I swear to God Ken, if you don't get out of my way, I will force you!" The voice is livid.
Who is that?
My mother wakes with a jolt and rushes to my side. As if she is acting on pure instinct and this isn't the first time this is happening.
"Emma!" The voice is more insistent.
"I told you, she doesn't want to see you!" My father grunts. There's shuffling, nurses calling for security. "You stay away from her or I'll call the cops!"
The look in my mother's face is hard to place. I try to meet her eyes for answers but she looks back at the door and stands in front of me.