One morning whilst checking my inbox I was surprised to find an email from a researcher for a television production company they were making a 'non broadcast' pilot for a game show for some obscure satellite channel had seen my website and wondered if I could phone them to discuss further my possible involvement in the format. Although suspicious that I was on the receiving end of some kind of "wind up" I decided there was little harm in phoning Julia, the researcher to at the very least find out what on earth they would want me to do in a game show. Julia explained that the game show was to be one of these 'reality television' affairs with contestants competing to win cash prizes avoid humiliating forfeits. I have little time for such shows personally preferring the Antiques Roadshow to the sort of ghastly fare on commercial television but I kept that view to myself.
Julia said that they were going to be filming a round with two girls aged 19 and 20 competing against each other answering quiz questions. For every incorrect answer they would have to remove an article of clothing. The first of the girls to lose all of her clothes would not only lose the game and thus her chance at the cash prize but also be awarded a forfeit, a kind of extra humiliation on top of being nude.
Julia said that they were hoping that I would agree to use my considerable skill and experience in the field to tickle the loser's fanny .This hardly sounded an original idea to my ears I remembered such strip games from the dormitories of my time at boarding school. Indeed it was where I first discovered my skills. I was intrigued though on three counts. Firstly the idea of a consenting but nevertheless presumably reluctant subject was a rather exciting one and also, vulgar though it may sound, I was promised a very lucrative sum for my participation. Money aside if the pilot became a series it stood to be a priceless opportunity to publicise my services beyond the realm of the internet. Therefore I agreed.
The following week I arrived at the studio in Bristol where I was met by Julia. I was told that I would get my own dressing room as they did not want the contestants to realise who I was until the vital moment. After what seemed like an age sat reading a paperback and helping myself to the various nibbles in my quarters I was introduced to the host. Abigail is what one might refer to as a C list celebrity. I had a vague knowledge of her from the lifestyle section of the paper. She was a model for the sort of publications read by spotty adolescents and lager louts and had been 'romantically linked' to a variety of footballers, cage fighters and other assorted oafs. She was actually very polite and we had a brief discussion about my trade and its various tricks. The producers had provided me with a feather duster for the occasion, correctly presuming that it was one of my main instruments of tickling. It was however one of those ghastly synthetic affairs and so I politely informed them that I prefer to use my own equipment and had brought my Tickle Bag with me containing my ostrich feather duster.
When the time came for the filming to commence I was led round to the wings where I could view the proceedings on a monitor. Abigail appeared first after her opening spiel announced the two contestants, Sharon from Manchester and Lizzie from Edinburgh. I was amazed at how far they'd come but then remembered how many women of their age will simply do anything to get on the television. Abigail briefly interviewed the two women before the game commenced. Sharon was 19 and a leisure centre lifeguard. She was as you would expect rather slender and toned and was wearing jeans and a strappy green top. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail. Lizzie, 20 years old worked at a bookmaker's and was what one may describe as 'pleasantly plump' she wore a black top similar to Sharon's but I must say she rather filled it more than her sportier opponent. She also had jeans on (presumably in the name of fairness they had been advised to dress similarly). Her hair was dark and short.
Both girls were rather loud and brash, these so called 'ladettes' who try to keep up with the 'lads'. The sort of young ladies who viewed someone like Abigail as a role model. Both claimed in their interviews to have no qualms about the prospect of being starkers in front of a studio audience in fact Lizzie boasted of regularly exposing what she proudly referred to as her "bangers" on drunken nights out. After this tawdry chat, Abigail explained to the girls and the audience the rules of the game but crucially said that the loser's extra forfeit would not be revealed until the moment of truth. I wondered to myself which one would lose and also which I would prefer to lose and be subjected to my tickle treatment. Both were the epitome of the sort of silly, frivolous young woman who sorely needed to be taken down a peg and would undoubtedly benefit in the long run from the undignified experience of a very public tickle round her unmentionables. Whichever one lost though, I knew that I had to show no mercy whatsoever if I was to be invited back on the show.
