Several weeks passed without even the slightest hint from Erin that anything had happened between us. She seemed her usual self, though I did catch her staring at me more regularly than usual, though this could have been because I was looking at her far more, looking for a sign that she thought of me as anything more than her best friend.
My feelings had become increasingly confused as the weeks dragged on. Trying to work out how I felt was like trying to read writing that had been scribbled over. It was almost as though I was deep in some woods with no knowledge of how to escape, gradually becoming more and more lost.
We had cuddled for the rest of the night after the party as we drifted in and out of sleep. I've always hated the sleep after I've been drinking anyway, I generally find that I wake up every hour with a mouth as dry as the Sahara. That night was even worse though. I adore Erin, but a single bed is designed to be used as just that - with a single person. Her body heat made me even more uncomfortable and there just was not enough room for the two of us.
James was ignorant to anything that had gone on the night before when he woke. Erin and I acted as normal, teasing him slightly about his enormous morning wood before rounding up our stuff and making our way out. On the way we bumped into the guy who I assumed was leaving for Australia, though I could have sworn it was the first time I'd ever seen him. James hugged him goodbye and said he'd be going to see him at the first opportunity, and I was left to wonder how on earth I didn't recognise this boy at all. Seriously, I don't even think I'd seen him in any pictures with James on Facebook.
And so, with an awkward hug to someone that I would have bet money on never seeing again, the three of us climbed into James' car and left.
Should we have driven? Probably not, I couldn't imagine any of us passing a breathalyser test, but James drove far more carefully than normal, and we arrived back at mine and Erin's safely. Erin climbed out, allowing me a few moments with James in which we had a quick kiss and he asked if I was working that night.
'Yeah, starting at five,' I answered. 'Are you coming to the gym?'
'I'll see how I feel,' he replied as his stomach let out a grumble that honestly probably would have registered as an earthquake. He looked down at it, shocked. 'I think I'll eat, then nap, then see how I feel.'
'Good idea,' I said, laughing, and with another quick kiss, I clambered out of the car, even more confused than I had been before.
Since we'd woken up that morning, I found my stomach doing somersaults every time I looked at Erin. I hadn't had these for a long time with James, which I'd just put down to us having been together for so long. I mean, you can't stay in the honeymoon phase forever, can you? But that last kiss with him had brought them right back. I suddenly felt like I was dating James for the first time again, and I was flung back to being that same teenage girl, smitten with the rugby boy from the year above.
I watched him drive off, not appreciating that this would be the least confused I would for the next few weeks. Instead, I sighed, turned and walked into my house. I wasn't sure how to handle things with Erin. She had made herself extremely vulnerable to me last night by admitting that she had never even had a kiss. I didn't want to pressure her into talking about anything until she was ready. And so, I headed upstairs, flopped down onto my bed, and endured another awful sleep.
***
Four weeks had passed since then, and Erin and I had still not even mentioned our night together. I still loved James, and we'd had regular sex since then and if I'm honest, it was the best sex we'd ever had. However, I still got those tingly sensations in my stomach whenever I saw Erin walking around the house. This wasn't helped by a change in rota at work, which meant that we had been put on far more shifts together than usual.
Perhaps out of guilt, I had agreed to go on a skiing holiday with James. We booked it a few days after the party, having already discussed it briefly a few weeks beforehand. He was as excited as I was, his enthusiasm boosted by some joint skiing lessons we had booked. I didn't need them, having been a few times in the past, but it was nice to spend some along time together and it was always funny to watch him fall arse over tit, something he did regularly during the sessions.
We only had three days until we went away, and I desperately wanted to talk to Erin before that happened. I needed to know how she felt, was she as confused as I was? Was it a one-time thing? Did I want it to be? And most importantly, I thought it would help the butterflies that I got every time I looked at her go away.
It was that evening, however, three nights before skiing, that I came up with a plan. We were both working the same shift, as seemed to be the norm now.
I know that some women have jobs where they can dress sexy and leave people drooling, but as lifeguards, that was not a luxury we enjoyed. Our uniform was simple - a light blue sports top, and black or navy shorts (though a lot of the girls wore leggings), and trainers. Still, even in this, Erin looked stunning. I'd always thought so, even before the incident, but ever since, she looked out of this world to me.
Her dirty blonde hair, as usual, was tied in a plait, and she was wearing shorts that really highlighted her phenomenal arse. I couldn't quite believe that this girl, this goddess, had let me be intimate with her. Had let me suck on her tits and touch her most private area until she came.
It was as I was cleaning the gym, staring down at her walking around poolside, that part of my plan formed, though I didn't know it at the time. Strangely though, it was nothing to do with Erin, but rather a conversation with James that began to formulate my scheme. He was working out; don't ask me what exercise he was doing because I don't know my arse from my elbow when it comes to the gym. I can tell you that he was very sweaty, and his arms were looking incredibly toned in his white vest. I could also see a rather large bulge protruding from his shorts. I bit my lip, before heading over to him.
'Hey.'
'Hey,' he responded, jumping slightly as he took out his earphone that I hadn't even noticed he'd been wearing.
'So, I know you're busy tonight, but how about I come round to yours tomorrow and we can not watch a film together?'
I tried my best to dictate to him my meaning as I emphasised the word 'not'. I never really found out if he cottoned on, he was very hard to read sometimes, but it didn't matter either way.
'I'd love to, but I'm seeing Emily, remember? I think she's just broken up with her girlfriend.'
Emily was James' older sister, and someone I got on with extremely well having helped her come out to her family.
'But she was at the party looking for a girl,' I replied, thinking back to the night and trying to remember what exactly she had said. 'She can't be that upset about it ending if she was trying to shag someone whilst they were still together.'
James gave a noncommittal shrug.
'What about if I wear that lacey pink thong you're so fond of?' I asked, whispering so that no one around us could hear.
'That's not fair, you know that's like my kryptonite.'
'I'll even wear the matching bra and stockings.'