Six months have passed since the day I asked if I could kiss her. It all started at the office's annual Christmas party, she looked amazing and may have had a few extra glasses of wine, I'm known for having crushes on women older than me and having deep desires towards my boss was something that crossed my mind more often that I would like to admit. That said, I would never imagine that she had any desires for me, she is married with children and as far as I knew at the time, straight!
She looks at me and asks if I can give her a ride home, I jump from my seat and don't think twice, it is a great opportunity to chat I think... if I just could know what that car ride would bring!
I park my car at the alley close to her place, it is winter time and everything is pitch black outside, we start to talk, I'm opening up for her, it is so easy to talk to her, I'm sharing my struggles with my relationship and she is sharing hers, at some point we get emotional and she holds my hand and does not let it go. I feel a warming feeling rushing into my body. Am I crazy? I question myself. Is she flirting with me? She starts to softly move her fingers on the back side of my hand, it feels so good. We hug each other and my feeling just keeps growing stronger. I look at her and I can see in her expression that she is thinking about it, she looks deep into my lips while moving hers, and it gives me all the chills, she will never have the courage to say anything, but I do.
I don't know how but when I realize the words are jumping from my mouth. Can I kiss you? As soon as I say it I start to freak out, what the fuck I am thinking she is my boss! She is fucking married. As am I.
I ignore all my yelling thoughts and just dive into the sensation of that moment, she looks at me and says yes! Without thinking my hands are holding her neck and my lips are touching hers, her breath is warm and sweet, she leans towards me, her hands touching my arms, softly moving behind my back, we kiss with so much passion and desire, I want her, we smile between kisses, we suck each other lips with small bites here and there, what an incredible feeling, so wrong but so right at the same time. I want to touch her to feel her, I can feel her hands between my legs touching and pressing my thigh, I can feel her pressing her fingers between the texture of my jeans and my pussy, I'm so hot right now, I want her inside me and she wants it too... But with a spark of consciousness, we stop, what are we doing? How will we work together after this, so many lines have been crossed and I just want to keep crossing them.
She leans back adding some space between us, the tension inside that car suffocates, what just happened? Without knowing we have changed our lives forever, how can one forget about this? The taste, the smell, the sensation, the touch? She says goodbye and closes the car door, I see her walking back to her life through my rear mirror, I look at myself and just started thinking what the actual fuck just happened? Am I this drunk? I can't be! I only drank a glass of wine. It happened. That is for sure.
The days go by, and the next time we see each other that warm feeling invades our bodies again, she looks at me in a way that I haven't been looked at in so long, the desire is there, pure, raw, deep and complicated. We talk about it, we realize that it just can't happen, there is way too much risk and we can't, she can't. My rational side agrees with her but my emotional side is screaming on all corners of that office, I want to feel it again, how come such an amazing sensation can't be lived through?
Fast forward a few months, months filled with secrets, secret emails, secret plans, not so secret desires, we have talked about it all, we have poured ourselves into our words, the deepest desires and the things we could do with one another, but it never goes beyond the words it never becomes real, or better say, never until today!