After the Ball
The last week of May was one of the happiest, lustiest and saddest of my life. My ballet teacher- and lover - was moving away. She was in graduate school and she had a fellowship opportunity in another city. It was a few hours away, but to an 18 year old with no car it may as well been on the other side of the world. Our loving making had grown more and more intense as we looked at the calendar of her move date.
We had also become a little careless and I think both the other dance teachers and students began to suspect something. But Jenn was a great and popular teacher in the short time she had been with us and she told me not to worry... she was moving away the faculty figured the 'problem' would solve itself, she told me as we walked along after class, holding hands. I looked over at her she was 8 years older than me - she was 26 - but looked youthful. Her dark hair was up in a bun, she had a black leotard and tights on, a white merino wool wrap sweater. I was in my blue leotard pink tights with sweats over them - we looked so feminine - I always thought lesbians were butchy or dressed a little weird, but we just looked like two beautiful ballet dancers, I wondered how many other girls in class might be 'girls like me'.
We were walking in another part of town where I didn't know anyone it felt thrilling to openly holding hands. I wasn't into the whole lesbian scene and not even my friends in high school or family suspected, but on the other hand, I was so thrilled having her as a lover and wanted some public acknowledgment of it.
"Besides", she said as she stopped and looked at me. "you're pretty experienced now" she looked me up and down with her eyes, as if she was reviewing all the places her hands and lips and tongue had been the last few weeks. "You should be able to find another lover" .
I protested "no!" but she gently placed her fingers over my lips. "Promise me you'll find another lover", she said. "I am going far away, you're a beautiful girl and I don't want you sitting alone pining after me.. now promise". I gently nodded yes. "Good", she said, but remember we still have another week together and I promise you wont' forget it.
At the end of the studio class year there was always a formal fundraiser for the ballet school. It was held in a theater where the company performed and all students were invited to attend. It was unusual to not bring a date since it was a class party so no one suspected when both Jenn and I showed up 'alone'. I had agreed to meet her there to avoid suspicion after all this was a big fundraiser and we didn't want to raise any eyebrows. I stood there listening to the other girls in class talk about boys and complain about school while my eyes scanned over the crowd looking for her. I looked down into my club soda and my ears perked up when one of the girls said "There's Miss Sanders!" I am glad she said Miss Sanders because otherwise I would have probably forgotten to say call her that instead of by her first name which we did in bed.
I looked up, and I melted. She stood there, blue eyes gleaming, her long lustrous black hair falling over her shoulders, I looked down she was in a black stretch velvet dress that hugged her body and shimmered in the light. It was clingy around her hips and dropped below her ankles. her creamy white shoulders were exposed. She already had a flock of guys around her as she excused herself and walked towards us.
"Hi class" she said smiling at us, her eyes lingered a little longer on me.