This is the strange tale of the night about a month ago that I became one of the Chosen People. It all happened at the apartment of my friend Fran Epstein. The plan for the evening was to go out and hit some bars as we often did. It was understood that we were both free to hook up with other women, but more often than not we ended the evening between her sheets.
We were great in bed and had many things in common, but the relationship was stuck in neutral because I wasn't Jewish. Even though Fran had not gone to a synagogue since the day she moved out of her parents' house, she was stuck on the idea that her "one and only" had to be Jewish. I used every argument I could think of. I even told her that the Irish are the lost tribe of Israel. But she wouldn't budge.
As usual on our bar nights, we began the evening with a few stiff drinks. Neither of us could face the bar scene cold sober and I, for one, was very self-conscious about my chubby little body. I consoled myself with the knowledge that some women were able to lose themselves in my big brown eyes and forget about the tonnage down below. Fran, thank God, was one of those women.
Fran had no worries about her looks. She is a natural redhead with pale skin and the body of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She made women salivate like Pavlov's dogs. And she is no bimbo either. Her intelligence and quirky personality are what made me fall in love with her. I wanted her to be all mine, but, grudgingly, had to settle for being her fuck buddy.
As we continued to fortify ourselves with Dutch courage that night the doorbell rang. Fran's raised eyebrow told me that she was not expecting anyone. She answered the door and was greeted by the sight of two plainly dressed young ladies who were in their mid-20's -- about our age.
One was tall and thin and wore a dark gray jumper over what appeared to be a men's pinstriped dress shirt. The other woman was shorter and curvier and wore a long-sleeved print dress with a high neckline. Their hemlines were almost ankle length and they both wore flat shoes with socks. Neither of them was wearing any makeup or jewelry. Not even earrings. They both had long dark hair. The tall one's hair was put up in a bun and the short one's was braided.
The tall one seemed to be in charge. She asked Fran whether she was Miss Epstein.
"Yes, I'm Miss Epstein," said Fran. "How can I help you?"
"I'm Maya Katz" she said "and this is my friend Anna Moskowitz. We are from the Chasidic community in Brooklyn. We would like to talk to you about Judaism and to invite you to attend our synagogue."
I am sure Fran would have run them off if they weren't Jewish, but instead she invited them in.
"This is my friend Louise," said Fran. "She's not Jewish." It was said pointedly enough to piss me off.
We walked into the living room and Fran offered them drinks which they politely declined. I certainly did not decline. Fran and I both sipped drinks which Fran seemed to have goosed up a bit -- for medicinal purposes.
As Maya was about to open her mouth Fran jumped in and took the initiative.
"I though Chasidic women stayed in Brooklyn, married young and had fifteen kids," she said.
Maya smiled and said "that's what our parents think too. They have tried for years to marry us off to many boys but none of them appealed to us in the slightest." She wrinkled up her nose and Anna's face registered pure disgust.
I could see the needle on Fran's lez detector beginning to twitch. "Are you two close friends?" she asked.
Maya smiled blissfully. "Oh yes," she said.
Anna then opened her mouth for the first time. "Maya is my very best friend in the whole world."
She reached over and gently touched Maya on the shoulder and the two of them exchanged adoring looks. You would have to be as blind as a bat not to see that these two women were hopelessly in love.
Never one to be shy, especially when she is a little drunk, Fran plowed right ahead. "They may not want me at your synagogue. I'm a lesbian."
Maya's face registered shock. "You don't mean that."
Fran smiled. "You two don't know much about sex, do you?"
"We know what the Talmud teaches us," Maya said sternly. "We must be modest in our dress and in all other ways. We will learn the rest when, God willing, we get married."
