When Toni was finally able to leave. She called Cynthia to say she would be late, but Cynthia told her to come right away. Toni gave a slight protest about not having anything cooked and what she was wearing, but ended up bypassing home and going straight to Cynthia's. When her 8-months pregnant best friend, who already has three other young children, tells her to get to her house, Toni figured she better get there. Toni guessed she probably needed extra help with the kids and her family in the mist of all of the cooking since Cynthia's husband he had an emergency bypass that came on the schedule yesterday evening.
Toni yawned as the familiar exhaustion became more apparent. The last few months had been like this for her. Barely getting even 4 hours of sleep at night. Three workers at Hope's Heart had quit in the past weeks and it put added duties on top of everything else she had to do. She glanced at the gas gauge and reminded herself to fill up soon. She turned up the knob on the heater. The temperature was in the low 30's and she had not put on a proper coat in her rush outside the house that morning. The light, thin thing she had on would not even pass as a coat in this weather. She looked up at the sky. The forecast had said there was a strong chance of sleet later, which would make the roads dangerously icy. She might have to sleep over at Cynthia's tonight.
Toni moved through the green light. Her depression was weighing on her like a wet blanket. It had been a year since she had broken up with Greg. What she had discovered, or maybe what she knew all along, was it wasn't him she missed, but what the relationship was supposed to become. He had been her only serious relationship in her entire 31 years. It lasted for 5. It was supposed to be the one. To fix whatever she felt was broken inside of her, whatever made her have that inability to truly feel loved or connected to a romantic partner. She was supposed to fall in love with him, but never did. He knew it too and was probably just going through the motions like she did. When Toni found out he was seeing his ex-girlfriend behind her back, she was not even surprised. Her only real hurt came from the fear that her relationship with Greg was her one shot at happiness and she failed at it. Losing her Aunt Mattie 2 years ago, who raised her from age 4 on after her mother died, did not help matters. Her depression started then and became compounded over the last year between the break up, work, and not taking care of herself physically. She had already lost 30 pounds this year without even trying.
Toni hoped she could get to Cynthia's before any of the other guests arrived. Guests. Just thinking of the word made the knot in her stomach grow tighter and she knew it was the thought of one guest in particular that made her feel that way. When Cynthia first talked about having Thanksgiving at her house Toni didn't give it a second thought because she usually spent the holidays at Cynthia's. They were like a second family to her. Cynthia Johnson had been her best friend ever since they had been roommates freshmen year.
Toni was looking forward to the Thanksgiving meal. She was making a guest list for Cynthia when she stopped cold over one name in particular before Cynthia could get out of her mouth good. Allison Conway. Damn, Toni hated that woman with a passion. Allison was such a strong personality. She stood 5'8, had rich creamy skin the color of dark honey, and big hazel eyes. Truth be told, she was stunningly gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful and always dressed to the 9's. She had such a presence. She walked into each and every room like she owned it, whether it was a board room, five-star restaurant, or a ladies room. She was the epitome of female poise, brilliance, confidence, sexiness...and Toni couldn't stand her.
She first met Allison at a birthday party for Ron. She was some high powered lawyer at the firm that Cynthia worked at. At first, Toni was just in awe of how beautiful she was and excited to meet her. Then something strange started to happened during their times together. What really got to Toni about Allison was how critical she was of Toni. No matter what, in some way, she was criticizing what she wore, how she looked, where she lived, her job. It almost came to blows on that last issue. It was at a promotion celebration for Cynthia. Toni was late getting there and made an apologetic vent about not having anybody to cover her at work and how tired she felt. Allison took the opportunity to mention what a waste it was to work at a job where one is overqualified and underpaid. Plus, if people where supposed to come in and cover her, then it was up to her to stand firm about them coming in. Toni could have reached across the table and smacked her. Smacked her good. Her desire to see Cynthia have a nice time and not be put out of the restaurant and branded as some psychotic fool was the only thing that saved Allison that day.
Then there was the time that Allison showed up out of the blue when Toni was sick just to admonish her about not seeing the doctor for her flu symptoms. Toni had passed out earlier that day at work and was rushed to the emergency room. She was released the same day, and called Cynthia when she got home who insisted on bringing her some soup. When Toni opened the ringing door, it was not Cynthia, but Allison who stood on the steps. It was so weird. Toni couldn't figure out for the life of her why this busy attorney, who she only had a few encounters with, would take time just to come all the way to her home and point out how wrong again Toni was for something. Being overly medicated and half-asleep was the only thing that allowed Allison to escape Toni's burgeoning wrath yet again. But the day was coming. Toni could feel it.
Then there was everything else they argued about-politics, capital punishment, welfare, capitalism, gap between rich and poor. Toni on one side and Allison on another. Many of a dinner engagement, or club outing found all the other ladies eating or on the dance floor while Toni and Allison engaged in passionate debates and ignoring everything around them. As much as it upset her when arguing with Allison, Toni had to admit she never felt more alive. Everything and everyone around her was so mundane, so predictable. Even though she loved Cynthia like a sister, their conversations were often dry, predictable scripts regarding Cynthia's kids, Ron's work, or what was on sale at the grocery store. Allison brought something out of her that she could not put her finger on just yet. She challenged her. Allison knew her stuff. The woman was well read. Journal articles, books, the news, she did her research. Toni often found that they had read many of the same things, just had different perceptions of them. Allison knew so many more things other than the law. And while Toni disagreed with about 90% of what she said, Allison always made a good case for it and Toni had to respect that. Cynthia mentioned on more than one occasion how brilliant Allison was, being one of the youngest Jr. partners in their firm. Toni hated to admit it, but Allison kept her on her toes. She awakened something inside of her.
But there was a barrier. She felt in Allison's eyes like she was not rich enough, fashionable enough...good enough. And it seemed this criticism was only directed at Toni. Allison, was in fact, sweet as sugar to everyone else. While always somewhat bossy, she was still helpful, kind, and respectful. From different encounters she had with Allison at dinner parties with Cynthia, spa days, going to the movies, she had seen Allison give the same respect she reserved for top executives, to wait staff and housekeepers. Allison was always warm, polite, welcoming...except when it came to Toni. For the life of her, Toni could not figure out why Allison disliked her so much. Toni knew she wasn't the corporate America type and looked all the time like she had just finished shopping at the Bargain Bin while putting out a fire, but she was a nice person. At least everyone else thought so. Allison was such a snob when it came to her. And that smug smile. Toni detested that smile and it was only reserved for Toni. It was a smile that said, "I know how to get to you and I am going to keep doing it because I can."
