Okay, this is probably the craziest, wildest thing I've ever done. Not just sexually, but anything. Wilder than Jimmy and I on the hood of his car. Which is all you'll ever read of that "too young" encounter.
So, I went to Thailand two weeks before the meeting and went down to Phuket for some rest, beach and diving. Very nice beaches, great diving and very relaxing. As long as you want to relax, there were some pretty crazy people there, mostly Brits.
But it was later that things went crazy for me. Weird crazy. Bizarre crazy. Shouldn't have had that tenth glass of wine. Nor the ninth, eighth, you get the picture.
So the meetings were hell for the first week (what a bunch of dickheads!) but once we stomped on them things went very well and six weeks turned into four (two weeks of meetings, two weeks of vacation). But about half of us couldn't get out until Monday. Which was my eventual undoing.
We (Austin & Chicago) went out to a very nice restaurant Friday night. The guys who had flights left early Saturday afternoon and the rest of us were left to our own devices. Or, as I soon learned, our own vices. Or at least their's.
So I had a quiet day. Lunch by the pool and a light dinner in the hotel restaurant. I went back up to my room to finish the Deathly Hallows (again) before the movie comes out. No spoilers for those of you who read a book by watching the movie.
About 8:00 I get a call from one of the guys. "Hey, some of us are heading out to some clubs. Join us?"
I was ambivalent and decided to hedge my bets. "Who's us?" He rattled off some names and Liz, my boss (remember her?) and another woman, from Chicago, whom I only vaguely knew were going, so I was kind of okay with that. Big mistake. BIG mistake.
We met in the lobby and grabbed some taxis. The drivers dropped us at a pretty nice bar. Well, except for the band, which was trying to do American and British covers, but couldn't even tune their guitars. So we lasted about thirty minutes there.
From there we walked down the block and saw, or rather heard, a karaoke club. It was only about half full and there was a rotund Chinese women doing a pretty good rendition of, ready?, Van Halen's "Jump".
A couple of the guys and the Chicago chick tried it. She teamed up with one of co-workers and boy did they do a good job. I think this wasn't the first time for them. To do karaoke. Everybody started hounding me and somebody stuck one of the song books in my hands. I said, very loudly, "oh, what the fuck," belted down my? glass of wine and wound up there belting out "R E S P E C T". Rather fairly, but I know my singing career is going to be limited to karaoke bars in Bangkok.
After another round of drinks (remember above?) one of the guys whispered to our waitress and she smiled and said something to him and waved her hand around.
He said to us "Let's hit one more place and head back." Two of the guys said they kind of had to head back and then another guy bailed on us as well. This left the three girls and five guys.
We left the bar, headed back the way we came, but went down two more blocks and crossed the street, heading down the new street. Boy, those bars were LOUD.
Our "leader" turned and said "here we are."
It was a strip club. Now as you probably know, I've been in them before, and I knew if I went in it was only to watch. Liz smiled and I knew she'd be watching, probably quite intensely. "Chicago" blushed, but nodded. The guys were all smiling like crazy. I was afraid they might hurt some muscles in their faces.
The place was noisy and pretty raucous. Lots of Yanks, Brits, Aussies. And, surprisingly, quite a few women. Most with men, but a few who I thought might be pros.
We grabbed a booth not too far from one of the stages. We all ordered drinks (remember above?) and settled in. We watched a couple of shows, some of them what almost anyone would call obscene. Like smoking three cigarettes at once. But only one in her mouth. We watched a few more shows and I had another glass of wine (r a?). One of the guys got up and send he had to return some beer and a couple of minutes later another guy left. While they were gone, Liz flagged down the waitress and whispered something in her ear (all this whispering = trouble). She came back a couple of minutes later with another round (r a?). Then this little, teeny tiny girl walks up to the table and Liz kind of nods at me.
Teeny tiny girl looks at me. "Friend buy you special dance. Come with me." I looked at Liz and she was really smiling hard. Just about laughing. The other four were just staring, looking at her, at me, at the girl. The girl grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. "Special dance this way."
We walked into another room separated from the main bar by a curtain. Now I kind of know how lap dances work. Fancy chair, a little wall for a little privacy and a bouncer that will send the guy to the moon if it goes one inch too far. Not here. Lots of little booths, each with a curtain. And the guy who might have been a bouncer just looked at the girl and wrote something in a little book then looked out the curtain on to the stage.
She led me into one of the rooms, pulled the curtain shut and kind of pushed me into a marginally comfortable chair that didn't have any arms. Without any preliminaries she pulled off her top and then her thong. Small breasts, maybe an A cup if her nipples were up. Which were huge. I haven't seen many in person, but these were probably the biggest. Small aureoles, but nipples that looked like they were 3 inches long!
There was some sort of booming song playing in the bar and she started making some sort of swaying motion, hands up in the air. Then she came up and straddled my lap.
"What you want? Lady say anything. She tip me good. I like girl. Lady say anything."
I think the room lit up as I blushed fire engine red.
She started grinding her pelvis into my thighs, arms still up in the air.
"That's okay," I said. "We can pretend we did this."
