I blinked hard against the streams of sunlight through the broken shades in the blinds. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and squinting, surveying my surroundings. Unfamiliar. Clothes piled up in the corner, band posters haphazardly pasted to the walls crookedly. Empty beer cans strewn across the floor amidst more clothes.
A soft snore and I turned my head to see my hookup from last night I met at the bar. He was naked and not my finest choice. In this light, he was quite a prepossessing sight. I silently put my hand to my head and closed my eyes. Stupid drunk slut.
I lifted the covers off me, which consisted of a ripped and stained sheet, and slipped out of the bed. It squeaked a bit and my eyes snapped to his sleeping form. Nothing. I tiptoed to a chair in the corner and grabbed my bag and clothes off the floor. I tiptoed back past the bed and out of the room.
There were people sleeping everywhere, the floor, the couches, even one on the table. Beer cans littered the living room, the carpet looked trifling. I got the hell out of there and looked for where I parked my car. It was a couple houses down across the street, and I hopped in and went straight home.
My phone started ringing and I answered it on speakerphone. Teressa's voice filled the silence of the car.
"Hey girl, just calling to make sure we're still on for this afternoon?" She chimed. Her voice was pleasant. My head throbbed not only from the excessive liquor, but the shitty rock music blaring through the speakers all night long. Shit, I completely forgot about our session today.
"Oh yea absolutely, I'm just running an errand and I'll be on my way. I'll see you in about an hour?" I asked. I hated to lie to her, although we hadn't known each other long, I generally just didn't like lying to my friends. But last night was a night I wanted to forget and not discuss with anyone, ever. I wasn't normally such a slut. But breakups can really fuck you up. And boy did I fuck up.
"Sure, see you soon!" She confirmed.
I drove a little faster and rushed getting ready when I got home. I tried to take a fast shower, but couldn't stop scrubbing and scrubbing my body clean, especially between my legs. I was ashamed of myself.
I missed Justin. Our relationship was mostly toxic, but I loved him, or I thought I did. I knew one thing for sure, that I hated being alone more than anything. We had been together since high school, and throughout college. And he waited until senior year with finals just around the corner, to tell me he's been seeing someone else.
The devastation was and still is irremediable. Liquor helped a little, but only if I drank a lot. Then the irrevocable anxiety and dread that spread through my body like cancer the next day.
I stopped scrubbing and forced myself to get out of the hot water scalding my skin. I was bright red when I looked at my reflection, but I couldn't look at my face. I was just too ashamed. I put on some light makeup, having to look at my face then, but being careful to avoid looking into my own eyes. Then headed to my bedroom to get dressed and head off to Teressa's. We took the same photography course, although her skills were far superior to my own, considering she was to make a career of it. I liked to mess around and have fun, while she took it quite seriously. She was constantly in need of subjects, and I decided to finally offer my services to her.
Justin never allowed me to hang out with her outside of class, because she was a lesbian. I tried to explain that it wasn't like a virus you could catch. But he insisted she would try to seduce me with her magical lesbian powers and take me away from him. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, he was banging some chick from one of his classes.
Asshole.
I opened my bedroom door, deep in thought and on a mission to get to Teressa's, when I saw boots that led up to a familiar face. Justin. What. The. Fuck.
I yelped and jumped taken completely by surprise, not to mention the fact I was naked aside from the little towel I had wrapped around my waist. I covered my boobs, "What the fuck are you doing in my room?" I demanded.
"It's my room too." He growled right back.
"Not anymore, you're off the contract and the complex has been notified. Get. Out. Now." I seethed through gritted teeth.
"No. I need to talk to you Livvie, please. Just let me explain." He pleaded pathetically.
"What the fuck is there to explain Justin? You cheated on me for months. You fucked some slut from your class and then came home to fuck me. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? How disgusting you are? I fucking hate you. Now get out!"
He stood up and ran a hand through his thick messy brown hair. It fell right back in his face.
"I know you're pissed right now. But we weren't getting along, we had talked about taking a break for a while and I just jumped the gun a little. I fucked up. Please Liv." He begged.
"Please what? Forgive you? Ha!" I laughed mockingly at him. I walked over to my dresser turing away from him and throwing a black sundress over my head and letting it fall before removing my towel. "I'm late for something, so you need to leave now." I said in an even tone, trying my best not to completely lose it on him. I had no energy and my head was still throbbing.
"You can't change in front of me anymore? And where are you going?" He asked.
"You have no right to see my body anymore, you lost that privilege ass hole. And I'm going wherever the fuck I want, that's where I'm going." I stood my ground. I would never let someone hurt me again the way Justin had. If it meant being alone the rest of my life so be it, but I hoped that wouldn't be the case.
"Look I'll leave now, but can I come back later when you've calmed down a bit so we can talk?"
I laughed and pushed past him. "No. Do not come back Justin and I mean it." I made direct eye contact with him and tried to look as intimidating as possible.
"So you're seeing someone else then?" His jaw tightened.
"No I'm not, but it wouldn't matter either way because it's not your business." I said while walking to the door, grabbing my purse on the way. I opened the door and turned with my hand out. "Out with you."
His face turned an even darker shade of red and he stormed past me and out of the door. He turned around to say something else and I interrupted him, "Leave your key under the mat." And promptly slammed the door in his face. It felt good. The pain and sadness still lingered, loneliness beckoning, but it felt good to tell Justin off at the same time.
I waited a few minutes, and then left to get to Teressa's, which I was now officially running late for. I shot her a text saying I was running a few minutes late and sped off.
I practically sprinted to her upstairs apartment door and knocked. The door opened and my senses were assaulted by the overwhelming scent of incense wafting through the open door.
She was wearing a lacy neon green bralette and a pair of skintight black shorts. Her long raven black hair was pulled back in a high ponytail. She welcomed me in with a hug and dragged me in by my hand.
"I'm so excited you were able to make it!" She exclaimed. "Can I get you anything? Coffee, water?" She asked politely.
"I'm okay for now, thank you." I responded.
"Okay then so let's just jump right into it then." She clapped her hands together and beckoned me to follow her into a dimly lit hallway that led to a room with sheets covering one wall, as well as the floor. There was a red armchair sitting in the middle of the sheeted floor with a big camera in front of it. There were a few assorted lamps for different lighting I assumed. There was also a clothing rack and floor length mirror in the front corner on the room. She brought me to the clothing rack.
"So, I want you to be comfortable, but at the same time sexy obviously. So here are a few options I personally think would look amazing on you, but it's ultimately your decision." She picked out a few different outfits off the rack and handed them to me. I looked at them and felt my face get a bit red but looked down so she wouldn't notice. They were pretty, but I normally never wore clothing that revealing. I settled for the black ensemble, which consisted of a lacy black bralette top, with a soft transparent kind of fabric flowing down past my belly button. The bottom was sort of like what Teressa had on, skin tight black shorts. It covered the most out of the three outfits she handed me.
"This one's cute." I said holding it up for her to see.
"So cute, it's going to look great on you." She gushed. "Go ahead and get dressed and I'll get my camera all set up."
"Okay, no problem." I said, sort of embarrassed she wasn't leaving the room. I wasn't exactly accustomed to people watching me undress, but she was busy doing her own thing, so I quickly stripped and put the outfit on.
"Okay I'm all set." I said, admiring myself in the mirror. I was thankful I had done my makeup a bit, it covered the bags under my eyes. Although, I could still notice the slight puffiness of my face from the night before.
"Oh that was quick, just give me one second here.... And done." She spun around and smiling brightly, looking me up and down. I looked down, trying once again to hide my embarrassment. She laughed and waved her hand.
"No need to be nervous girl, I'm like the least judgmental person and not to mention the fact you look stunning." She flashed me a smile and directed me to the chair. "So, I want you to just relax and be yourself. This is all about laid back sexy. Almost as if you're unaware someone's taking your picture. You're so wrapped up in your own sensuality that you're the only person in the room. Does that make sense at all?" She asked quizzically and tilted her head to the side awaiting an answer.
"Um, yea I think so." I said, trying to think of ways to look sexy without trying too hard.
"Let's just start with a few pictures and we'll review them together and go from there, okay?" She asked.
"Yea sure that sounds good." I responded, trying to sound more confident than I felt.
I leaned back in the chair, legs crossed and threw my head back a bit, closing my eyes and then slowly opening them to the ceiling. I moved slowly, allowing the camera to capture each movement of my body. I didn't know if that was how this worked, but it seemed to be good with Teressa. She kept clicking away. I raised an arm to tussle my hair a bit, while biting my lower lip. Justin always told me he loved when I did that.
It went on for a few more minutes, until she stepped from behind her camera and clapped her hands exuberantly.