"You promised Jenay. You promised Jenay." I told myself, over and over again.
I had promised my girlfriend, Jenay that I wouldn't cheat again. She was my first "real" relationship in a while, and I'd had a little trouble keeping my skirt down in the past.
I'd cheated over and over. Each time, Jenay caught me. She'd spot hickey she hadn't made, or wonder why I smelled like peaches when my perfume smells like plums. Just small things like that would tip her off. I'd beg and grovel, and she'd take me back. It was a viscous cycle.
"I know I don't deserve it, Jenay, but please forgive me baby. I'll never do it again." I would say.
"You said that before Rissa!" she'd say, and I'd beg some more
"But baby, this time is different. That girl didn't mean anything to me. You're the one I love baby, I swear. I'll be good this time, please, one more chance." I get on my knees in front of her, begging in earnest. And each time, she'd give me another chance.
"You better not break my heart again." she'd say, and I'd jump up and hug her. Then we'd live happily ever after, that is until I fucked up again.
The first time was with a new temp at my office, Christy. I could almost argue that she wasn't my fault. It had been Christy that put just a little more swish in her hips when she'd see me passing by. It had been Christy that bent over my desk so that I could see her beautiful round breasts in her blouse. It'd had been Christy that pushed me up against the wall in the copier room that day. And it had been Christy that left the door unlocked for Jenay's best friend to walk in and catch us. So really, it was Christy's fault, not mine.
The second was with a saleslady at a shoe store in the mall. I admit, she was completely my fault. I saw the way she looked at me when I asked for her help. But, I had been the one to lure her into that restroom with me. I had actually been buying something for Jenay, but that didn't stop me from smiling my best smiles and saying my best words. It hadn't stopped me from bending her over the sink, or from making her scream beneath her breath. I even bought the shoes I had been looking at for Jenay. It was when she hugged me, and noticed the bite marks on my neck that she threw the shoes at my face.
The third time was a friend of a friend. It didn't really see that one coming. We had all been hanging out and laughing, a little drunk. Then, she just kinda jumped me in the bathroom. No, I hadn't planned it, but I didn't object to it either. When the girl showed up at my house crying and talking about how I'd done her wrong, I thought I'd lost Jenay forever.
But this time was different. This time, I meant what I'd promised.
I had been good for a while. Almost a year. But one day, I had a bad day for faithfulness. That day was the most trying day I'd had in a while, or maybe in my life.
*
I was in the mall, on my way back from picking up some new shoes. I had just seen a pair that would be perfect with a new dress I had, and I had to have them. I was walking, thinking about how good they'd look when I heard someone call my name.
"Clarissa Wilkins!" a familiar voice said from behind me. I knew instantly who it was. It was Shana, the girl that ruled my thoughts all through high school. She'd known how I felt about her. She'd always put on a little show for me when I was near: she'd drop something and bend over to pick it up, come by track practice with skin tight volleyball shorts on, lean into me when she laughed at a joke, things like that. Yes, she always made sure I looked, but she never let me touch. It drove me insane for almost four years, and she knew it.
I turned around, knowing that the woman I was about to look at was one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever known in my life. I knew that when I did turn around, she'd knock me off my feet all over again, bat her eyelashes a couple times, and have me melting into a puddle on the floor in no time. I knew that she'd flirt and toy with me, just like she had before. I knew all this, but I turned anyway.
I watched as her hips swayed from side to side. She had such a confident demeanor; a quality I thought was so sexy. She flowed gracefully as she walked. At first glance, she seemed small, and almost weak. But one look at the calve muscles that rippled as she strode toward me in her high heels, and the flat of her stomach that just barely peaked out of her top as she waved, and there was no mistaking her strength. She smiled broadly at me, her face glowing. Her hair flowed behind her as she made her way over. I remembered loving to just watch her move; I could do that all day. She finally reached me and gave me a hug. And just as I had expected, I melted.
"Hey!" She squealed. I could feel her breast press up against mine. Her waist felt wonderful in my hands.
"How've you been? You look great." she said, looking me up and down.
"I've been good, and you...you look wonderful." I said, feeling like I was 17 again.
"I'm good." She smiled, then licked her lips and paused a second.
"C'mon, let's go get some lunch. We have to catch up." she said, grabbing my hand and dragging me.
We decided to go to a restaurant inside the mall. We sat down and looked at each other. She smiled at me.
"So! What have you been up to? Still can't get enough shoes can you?" She said, pointing at my shoe box.
"Yeah." I said, but all I could think of was how good she looked. The years had been good, no wonderful, to her. She was sexier than she'd been before. But, soon I placed that aside. I was committed, and I was sure she would be too. I mean, a beautiful smart girl like her had to be taken.
"What brings you to Atlanta?" I asked.
We'd both grown up in Louisiana. She'd moved to Alabama just before we'd graduated and I hadn't seen her since. I'd moved out to Atlanta for work. Turns out she had too.
"I'm the new columnist for the Digest." she said.
"Oh, well congratulations. I'll be reading it more often." I said, happy that she'd be here for a while.
We chatted and talked for a bit longer. I told her about Jenay and showed her a picture of the two of us. She seemed a little disappointed, but smiled anyway.
"She's beautiful" she said, "You two look cute together."
She told me that she was single, and had left her long time girlfriend about six months before moving. And even though she told me it had been hard, she seemed much less sad than I'd expect. I guessed she had taken the breakup well.
We talked and talked. She seemed different from the Shana I knew in high school. Back then, I'd thought she was untouchable, and that's the way she presented herself: as something unattainable, out of my league. She had almost been snobby in high school, but I'd loved it anyway. Now, she was much more down to earth, much easier to talk to. I could tell that the years had matured her mind as well as her body. We had a blast talking about everything.
