Author's Note
Space pirates. Lesbian space pirates. That's really all you need to know. Well, that and not a lot of overt sex. Sexiness yes, but story first and no lurid details.
Yo ho ho and all that.
* * *
Tales from the Stream: Passenger
Rude Awakening
The ship shuddered with a half-second long staccato rhythm. Amaliya sat bolt upright and threw the covers off.
"What the actual fuck?" she said.
"Um... Not sure." Jade rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
The ship shuddered a second time.
Jade sprang from bed and sprinted toward the conn. Amaliya was close on her heel.
Inside the small room at the fore of the ship, the pilot's control surface was outlined in flashing red. The ship shuddered again. A four digit number on the display counted down rapidly.
"Oh," said Jade. "Oh."
There was another shudder, shorter in duration than the first three and the monitor stopped flashing.
"Oh?" Amaliya peered at Jade. "Oh? Like the ship is breaking apart and we're going to die, oh? Or something else."
"Asteroids. Should have expected that out here in the belt."
"Oh." Amaliya sighed. "Oh! Oh shit, that's bad."
Jade tapped the monitor. "This is collision avoidance."
"We ran into a fucking asteroid. It's not a very good collision avoidance, is it?"
"No. No, we didn't run into anything." Jade tapped the four digit number. The number became more prominent on the screen. Next to it was printed 'rounds remaining'. "What we felt was the rail gun. Check it out."
Amaliya stepped over to Jade's side.
"We just dumped about five-hundred sabot rounds into some space debris. Maybe a small asteroid. Old satellite. Whatever it was, it's dust now."
"Damn." Amaliya paused to look at the monitor. "Still, a warning would have been nice. Maybe a calm, motherly voice. 'The collision avoidance system has been activated. You may experience feelings of abject terror as the ship shakes itself apart. Do not be alarmed.'"
"Really?"
"It's not a pleasant way to wake up."
"Probably less so for the asteroid. Or whatever it was."
Amaliya nodded. "Shit. What if it was another ship?"
Jade opened her mouth, but didn't get a chance to speak.
"Oh, that would just be so typical of the space-faring establishment," Amaliya continued. "Let's design an automatic weapon that indiscriminately obliterates anything in its path. And wait! Here's where it gets good. Let's mount it on a big ole flying space penis... Ejaculating death on anyone or anything foolish enough to stand in its way. Does that about sum it up for collision avoidance? Fuck everyone else. Blast 'em out of the sky. As long as my flying status symbol of over-compensating masculinity doesn't get dented."
Jade grinned. "Wow. And, no. It's got rudimentary AI for shape identification. Besides, it's programmed not to fire on anything with a transponder code."
Jade and Amaliya looked directly at each other as soon as the words left Jade's mouth.
"Transponder," Amaliya said. "Like the one in the recycler."
"Shape identification," said Jade. "We'll be fine."
"Mm-hmm. We're safe because we look like a flying penis."
"Something like that."
The red bordered console image, along with the railgun status, switched to yellow.
A trio of staccato beeps followed.
"Like that one, there?" Amaliya pointed to the new image on the consoleโa long cylindrical object occupying the center of the screen.
Three long beeps filled the conn.
"Floating penis thing?" Amaliya offered.
Three short beeps followed.
"That's an SOS," said Jade.
"SOS?"
"Yeah likeโ"
"I know what an SOS is. What are we going to do about it?"
"Turn off the console. We never heard it."
"As your XO, it's my duty to inform you that's a pretty shitty thing to do. What if it was us sending an SOS?"
"Then instead of sailing off to adventure, we'd sail through the court system and land our asses in prison," Jade said. "Don't be stupid."
"Somebody could be in trouble."
"Like latte lady was in trouble when she ran out of coffee. Do you really want to risk getting caught for someone like her?"
"Point taken. But, what if...?"
"Prison."
Amaliya picked up the radio headset. "Can we at least find out what their situation is?"
Jade let out a long sigh. "This was just starting to get fun."
Amaliya held up the headset, her brow knit.
"Fine." Jade twisted the radio knob to on.
"...reactor is scrammed. Backup batteries are failing. Repeat, this is Kobayashi Maru requesting assistance from any and all vessels in the area. We've been struck by a micrometeorite. Our hull is stable, but our reactor has scrammed. Backup batteries are failing."
"What do I do?" Amaliya asked.
Jade held her hand out for the headset. "Kobayashi Maru, this is Grand Allusion, we have you on scope and are standing by to offer assistance."
"Oh, thank God," came the voice.
"Please power down your collision avoidance system. Our transponder is malfunctioning. And you'll need to stop your gravity spin so we can dock."
"We're already down to basic life support only. Rail gun's offline. No power to decelerate the spin."
Jade gripped the radio mic. "Emergency chem thrusters. There should be aโ"
"Sorry, no. They were supposed to be refurbed last time in port, but there was a back-order."
Jade covered the mic in the palm of her hand. "Fuck. Bet you a hundred, the cheap bastards skimped on the maintenance."
"We can't just leave them."
"A tumbling, spinning ship? We can't dock. We'll have to spacewalk and then sling a cable. It'll be like climbing up a rope under 2 Gs. In space."
"Their reactor's out."
"This is a cluster-fuck."
Amaliya locked eyes with Jade.
"Roger that. We're on our way." Jade set the headset on the console. She turned her gaze to Amaliya. "This is going to be tricky. You might want to put some pants on."
"Aye, Cap'n."
* * *
Intervention
The interior of the Kobayashi Maru airlock was lit by dim red emergency LEDs. There was a hissing and a click from the interior hatch. Standing on the other side were three worried faces.
"Oh, thank God," said the man.
The woman standing next to him let out a sigh of relief. The younger woman shouldering two duffle bags said nothing.
Amaliya lifted her visor. "Hi," she said.
"Did you bring a generator?" said the older woman.
"We just climbed a hundred meter space rope to get here," said Jade. "So, no."
"How are we going to stop the spin to initiate the transfer?"
"Transfer?" Jade huffed.
"To get us and our belongings to your ship?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," said Jade. I want to take a look at your reactor first."