Anna was sprawled out on a blanket, hands beneath her head and staring up at the night sky. A soft breeze rustled the tall grass that surrounded her but did little to dispel the August heat that lingered well past sunset. A shooting star streaked across the sky, making her breath catch with delight. Her mind traveled back nearly twenty years, to another summer night when she had lain in a field and watched the stars fall to earth. She had just graduated college and spent the summer doing fieldwork with other young men and women, far back in the wilderness where few people went. Anna had been raised in the suburbs and gone to college in the city, so she had rarely seen the night sky in all its glory. She fell in love with it immediately. She smiled in the darkness as she recalled other loves that had followed directly from her infatuation with the velvety darkness. "Stardust," she whispered to the sighing wind, and let her thoughts drift back to that time.
--
"If you ladies want to watch the Perseids, you should really put out that fire," said Ellie as she sat with her back to it. "It can take a while for your eyes to acclimate to the darkness after watching the flames."
"You expect us to just sit here in the dark for another hour?" asked Bonnie, sounding incredulous.
"Oh, it'll be fine," scoffed Jean, "It can't take more than a couple of minutes to adapt once we hike back out to the field."
"You might be surprised," replied Ellie, but made no further effort to convince her the other girls.
Anna had been gazing into the leaping flames, not really thinking about anything in particular, but she heeded Ellie's advice and moved around the campfire to sit with her and face the dark hills. "So why are they called Perseids?" she asked the slightly older girl.
Ellie cleared her throat and said, "I think it's because of the constellation they're associated with. They're supposed to originate in that part of the sky, or at least close to it."
"So there's a constellation called Perseid. Got it," said Anna, which caused Jean to laugh contemptuously.
"The constellation is Perseus, not Perseid. After the Greek myth of the guy who killed Medusa, among other things," sneered Jean. "I thought you went to college!"
Anna frowned and said, "I did! But I didn't take any astronomy classes or Greek mythology. Or, well, I guess I got some of that in my humanities core, but I don't remember anything about Perseus."
"Don't let her rile you up," said Ellie softly. Anna returned to staring out at the darkness while Jean laughed again.
"Sorry," said Anna, glad that other girls couldn't see her blushing.
"No need to be sorry," Ellie continued in a quiet voice. "Just don't let her draw you into arguments with her. You know she'll find a way to turn it around somehow. It's better not to engage at all."
"She doesn't do it to you," Anna pouted, still blushing and feeling childish to make such a complaint.
Ellie chuckled softly and said, "Of course not, I'm the trail boss. She only mocks me when she thinks I can't hear her."
Anna gasped softly and asked, "I didn't think you knew about that, either!"
Ellie laughed again and patted Anna on the knee gently, confiding, "None of you are as sneaky as you think, my little trail mix hoarder."
Anna's face became so red she was worried it might literally be glowing. "I'm sorry, I just really love the dried cranberries!" she confessed shamefully. "I can put the rest of the packages back in the food bin."
"Nah, don't worry about it. There's plenty of other stuff to eat," said Ellie, waving her hand. "I just kind of wish Jean loved the stuff enough to miss it!" she whispered into Anna's ear, making them both giggle.
The next hour passed rather uneventfully, with the four girls occasionally chatting about one topic or another, fortunately without devolving into another round of taunting. Ellie's watch beeped and she stood up, saying, "It's time. Go ahead and knock the fire apart and bury the coals in the ash, we'll relight it when we get back."
Bonnie and Jean did as directed and a few minutes later the group was following a dim trail that led over the nearby hills and into a broad, grassy meadow on the other side, where they had been working to clear invasive plants for the last few days. Jean kept stubbing her toes on roots or rocks in the darkness and swearing quietly, making Ellie chuckle and say, "I tried to warn you!" in a lightly teasing voice.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," mumbled the annoyed girl as she stumbled yet again.
Soon enough the girls were in the clearing, with the hills blocking the dim light from their campground and leaving the dark, moonless sky open to their eager eyes. The vast bowl of the heavens arched above them, obscured only a little by the surrounding hills and forests. Ellie and the others spread out a couple of blankets side by side and laid down in a row, with Anna on one end next to Ellie and Jean on the opposite end. Almost as soon as they looked up from their supine positions a streak of light shot across the sky, making all of them 'ooh' in appreciation.
"Everyone make a wish!" said Bonnie quietly.
Anna said out loud, "I wish my dream would come true!"
Jean snorted and said, "Well, now you know it won't, since you told us, silly!"
Anna retorted, "I didn't actually tell you what my dream was, did I? So 'nyah!'"
"Enough, please!" said Ellie. "Let's just enjoy the show, ladies, and leave the bickering for the morning."
Jean and Anna both subsided and returned their attention to the dark summer sky, waiting eagerly for another shooting star. Anna smiled to herself in the night, imagining how thrilling it would be if her dream really did come true, although she thought it might actually be a nightmare if it happened. It was fantastic, perhaps, but not necessarily impossible. Even though she was a college graduate and out on her own, earning her way, Anna still often felt like she was behind her peers because she'd never had a 'real' relationship before. She'd dated a number of guys and even had sex with a few of them, and while it was enjoyable enough none of them really did it for her. She knew it was at least partly her fault, as she was looking for a pretty specific kind of man, and it was hard to broach the topic of her secret desires, because she was ashamed to have them.
Another shooting star flashed across the sky and Anna imagined it plunging to the ground, dropping so fast it was gone in the blink of an eye. That made her think of herself dropping as well, just like the women in the stories she read, ensnared by hypnotists or psychics or vampires or whatever absurd device the author chose. Those women had what Anna shamefully wanted: someone to take the reins from her and lead her to the delirious pleasure that could only be achieved by abandoning one's ego, one's humanity.
A streak of light distracted her for a moment, but Anna soon returned to her dreamy musing about losing herself in someone else's desires for her. Obviously it was just a fantasy, but it was one that never failed to make her hot. Even now Anna could feel that tickle in her belly that told her she was getting turned on, preparing to open herself. If only she could find someone she trusted enough to confide in! Or else someone who knew her desires by some other clue and was willing and able to bring them to life.
Anna gasped softly when another meteorite blazed across the sky, bright enough to leave an afterimage in her eyes. She imagined how her own willpower would fade just like the colors imprinted on her retina, slowly dwindling to nothing, leaving only a blank and fuzzy backdrop. She hummed slightly with delight to picture such a thing happening. Nothing could be more satisfying than an emptiness being filled. Even the analogy seemed sexual, and it made her squirm a little and clench her thighs in response.
Several more shooting stars went by in quick succession, and with each one Anna felt herself drawn deeper into her own imaginary world. She had always been like that: a bright girl with a tendency to get distracted by her wandering mind. She knew she was smart, in a technical sense. She got good grades, tended to learn new things easily, and rarely struggled to find solutions to problems she was set. But just thinking of the word bright as a synonym of smart made her think of the bright falling stars and how they got dimmer the closer they got to the ground. She imagined herself dimming as she fell to the earth. When she arrived, she'd be nothing but a memory: a bright thing that blazed briefly and then vanished. The thought made her wet.
With each subsequent flash of light, Anna sighed softly, amazed that something so tiny could travel so far and so fast and leave such a brilliant legacy, no matter how fleeting. Each gleaming arc across the sky was a grain of sand; the fireballs pebbles at most. Looking up at the stars made Anna feel tiny and insignificant, but the dust that fell toward Earth and shone as brilliantly made her think that perhaps nothing was insignificant. She moaned quietly in the night.
Ellie turned her head to Anna and smiled, whispering, "A penny for your thoughts."
Anna quietly replied, "No thoughts. Stardust."
Ellie didn't know quite what to make of that so she just patted Anna's hand and looked back at the sky.
Over the next hour the girls saw perhaps a hundred falling stars, and with each one Anna repeated in her mind, "No thoughts. Stardust." With every repetition it became more true, and the memories and thought patterns that made her Anna subsided into dormancy, leaving nothing behind but the idea that she was stardust.
Eventually Ellie sat up and declared, "As amazing as this show is, I need to have a pee. I'll be back in a few minutes. Try to stay out of trouble!"
Jean said, "Yes, ma'am" in a tone that clearly conveyed she was rolling her eyes, although it was too dark to see that.