Trigger Warning: this story contains themes of prostitution that may be difficult or offensive to some readers. All persons depicted are over 18.
"Girl, what is taking you so long in there? You would think after a whole winter holed up in that cabin that you'd be ready to run out of there like someone had set fire to you," Jebediah said.
It was Saturday morning. Merida and Jebediah along with most of the town would be heading to the market. After a long winter everyone would need to stock up on provisions and socialize after being cooped up for months. Merida was assaulted by a wave of nervous nausea at least that was all she hoped it was as she put her hand to her belly. With Jebediah always around it had been difficult to ready herself to flee. She could take only the essentials she needed. The rest of her belongings including those that belonged to her mother Sarah would have to be left behind. Merida put 2 dollars into her basket for immediate use and she'd sewn the rest of her money into the bosom of her dress.
"I'm coming," Merida said as she climbed into the horse-drawn buggy.
"You look as pretty as a daisy," Jebediah said, smiling expectantly.
Merida forced out a smile in return but felt as if her face would crack beneath the strain. Jebediah had been unusually sweet lately. It seemed the more her resolve grew to leave him the kinder he became which made the decisions she needed to make that much harder. It was so easy to choose the path of least resistance. The cabin was the only home she had ever known. It held all the memories of her parents and the life she'd shared with them. Things would have been made so much simpler if she had been physically repulsed by Jebediah but she wasn't and knowing the ways he could manipulate her body made her core hum with desire even when she had ridden him to ecstasy only hours before.
In those moments when sexual desire clouded her senses she brought herself back to reality with the very real possibility that she might be pregnant. Jebediah had discovered her tea in mid February. Now it was April and she had not bled at all in March. The possibility of what that meant was enough to make her blood boil. There was always the devil to pay. Merida had to make a choice and every single one seemed untenable. If she was pregnant and had this baby she was stuck with Jebediah and his power games with every other possibility for her life flushed away in an instant. Caleb wouldn't marry her, no man would. She would be ruined. But even that possibility didn't hurt as much as thoughts of the child she possibly carried. Would it have dark mahogany curls as she did? Would there be a cleft in his or her chin like Jebediah?
Merida was sure they would make a beautiful child but she couldn't afford to think that way. She couldn't afford to think of this baby as a blessing. She had to think of it as something to be rid of and that shamed her more than anything she had done while it simultaneously angered her that Jebediah had willfully put her in this predicament. It wasn't as if women didn't have it hard enough without a man sitting back deliberately trying to sabotage them. That fact was the crux of her decision to escape Jebediah and the reason she had hardened her heart to all of his tenderness and sweet words. Though more than once she had thought to acquiesce and accept a place right by his side.
Jebediah steered the wagon carefully to a stop. "I'm going to take a look at some livestock and buy more feed. You go on and gossip with the ladies and get yourself something pretty. I'll come looking for you in a few hours," he said as he leaned over to kiss her lightly on her cheek. She stamped down the involuntary tingle of desire as his kisses and proximity never failed to send a rush of heat to her lady bits.
Merida climbed carefully out of the buggy amid the hustle and bustle of more than half of Goodwill's residents. She evaded the horses and children, spoke to townspeople, and accepted dozens of condolences. Within her first 30 minutes she was exhausted and her nerves were frayed. She spied Martha who seemed to spot her at the same time. Martha excused herself from the group of women to greet her. The moment Martha's arms wrapped around her, Merida's body began to shake.
"Not here, not here. Let's get to somewhere where we can talk. If you break down here the first and worst thing they can come up with will be all over town by supper. Let's get to the widow." Once at Widow Odelia's they walked to one of the farthest corner shelves. It was then that Martha turned to take a good look at Merida."Child, you've lost so much weight. Has it been terrible? Tell me everything."
"Martha what happened was I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared for any of this. The first time I refused Jebediah he threw me out of the cabin into a snowstorm. I don't know if he would have gone through with it but I realized then that I was alone, truly and utterly alone. Jebediah could have let me freeze to death if he'd wanted and let everyone assume I was in a fit of grief and had walked out there on my own. I didn't dare make that mistake again."
"Dear Lord," Martha clucked sympathetically.
"He waited a fortnight after mama died before he asserted himself. He rutted me every day thereafter." Merida couldn't mention the details of how he'd taken her, couldn't mention how she had responded to him or how she had wanted him despite all. "By February he became suspicious that I hadn't conceived and I can't blame him. I'm as regular as clockwork and he was relentless. He became furious demanding to know what I was hiding. That's when he found it, the tea, and got rid of it. I'm five weeks late Martha," Merida confirmed, her tears falling in earnest.
"Jesus, child. Does he know?"
"I think he suspects. He's been softer and full of compliments. He even told me to buy myself something pretty today. Martha I can't go back. Even if on the off chance I'm not with child, I would be soon enough if I stay with Jebediah."
"I don't know what to tell you child. There are ways but most are just old wives tales, more likely to hurt you than the baby."
"I don't want to do that Martha. If I am pregnant, I'd want my child. I just don't want to be trapped with the father. I'm so ashamed, Martha. I let Mama down. I let myself down. I did nothing wrong, yet here I stand. Everything I ever hoped for is in tatters."
"Excuse me," said a smartly dressed woman with long auburn hair and a fitted gown of purple silk. "Forgive me but I couldn't help but overhear a bit of your conversation. Persephone Rowan," she said as she held out her hand. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."
Martha quickly stepped in front of Merida. "She doesn't need to be acquainted or helped by a woman like you."
"If one finds oneself in need of help from the Widow then I am exactly the type of help needed. In either case in such times we of the fairer sex should stick together," Ms. Rowan stated, completely nonplussed by Martha's rebuff.
"Come on Merida. Let's make our purchase and go."
Merida followed Martha dutifully, but couldn't help but to spare a backward glance at Ms. Persephone Rowan.
"Listen, it is time for me and my brood to head back, " Martha said as they exited the Widow's shop.
"What about Caleb?"
