I've spent a week trying to think of something terrible to do, something bad enough to get her attention, but not so bad there's actual consequences for me or anyone else.
I try a few things. I daringly ignore the angry sign in the office kitchen about everyone washing their own cups. I speak rudely to someone who was never going to be an actual client, where everyone can hear. I come in late two days running, without an explanation.
None of it seems to be working. I try these things, and a few more days pass, and my boss doesn't say a thing.
Then, unexpectedly, just as I'm leaving for the day, she tells me to wait. She say she needs to speak to me.
I sit down, breathless with excitement. I sit down, achily wet, with my hands shaking, my knees trembling. I say goodbye to the few people who are still around, with a dry mouth. I check my makeup quickly and redo my eyes.
I wait, and get more nervous, and more excited, and wonder what I'm doing. I wonder why I want this.
I wish I'd known it would be today. I would have worn a skirt again, if I'd known. I'm wearing a suit with trousers, and that seems wrong, for what I think is going to happen.
I wait, nervous.
I wait, and almost want to touch myself as I do. I wait, and wait, and in the end she opens her office door and tells me to come in.
I go in, uncertainly.
She ignores me for a moment. The she looks at me.
She looks at me, then says, impatient, "Come over here."
I do, where I stood the last time, right beside her chair.