A few weeks had passed since my encounter with Alison. I had gotten stuck into my busy, often exhausting schedule at work which left me with very little time to do much else but sleep and decorate. The graveyard shifts - 12 hour shifts starting early evening and ending early morning the following day - were commonplace among the new Seniour House Officers. If it wasn't for the excitement of having finally graduated, finding a job so soon and relocating to a different part of the country, I would most certainly have felt some sort of resentment.
A lot had changed in such little time. I was now working ridiculous hours, paying my OWN bills, handling a mortgage, living in the big scary city of London and trying to make new friends. Gone were the days of partying up a storm and living off the bank of mummy and daddy. All this new-found responsibility at the age of 25 was a shock to my system.
I was still getting familiar with my environment, getting to know my colleagues at work who seemed hell-bent on getting blind-drunk every weekend without fail. I had heard that this was common amongst medics due to the heavy pressures placed on them from the nature of their work but I never imagined it would be this crazy. How they managed to carry out their duties so professionally the morning after the night before never ceased to amaze me.
The house was now looking so much better, much more of a home than just a house, now neatly littered with a few personal items - pictures, a bookshelf or my mini library as I liked to call it although I had very little time to indulge in one of my favourite pasttimes of getting completely lost in a good book - and a few others.
More paintings hung on the walls, a little more furniture. I had quickly come to realise that London, even at it's best, was a very cold and at times unfriendly place so I was trying desperately to create some sort of warmth in my home, a haven to come home to after a hard day's work.
I missed my friends and folks back in York desperately and spoke to them whenever I could. I had finally heard from Toby, the poor excuse for a boyfriend I had left behind, about a week afer I moved into the new house. I had foolishly expected him to be apologetic and beg for forgiveness which I would have given him quite readily despite his thoughtless and stupid behaviour. I mean, he had been such a big part of my life for such a long time that letting go would not be easy. I had loved this guy from the very depths of my soul. He saw me at my best and worst. He knew how to make me laugh, feel special, feel happy. But for the past few months all he seemed to be able to do was make me cry.
During this unexpected phonecall Toby proceeded to tell me just how much he despised me for what I had done (leaving him behind to pursue my career). God, I never knew it was such a crime to have ambition. He then decided I should know that he was now living with Sally. Sally who? Sally, Sally....not the same sally from the Baker's Arms pub down the road from our old flat surely? I almost considered her a friend. Although I was trying to put on a brave face and show him that I really didn't care, I became more and more incensed by the things he was telling me, even though I knew they had probably been carefully designed to hurt me.
''Well you can go fuck yourself you bastard!'' were my final words to that arsehole when I couldn't stand any more of the crap coming out of his mouth. I cut the call and resolved that I had shed my last tear and would never to speak to him again.
Don't for one second think that I had forgotten about Alison. Oh no, no way. Alison was ALL that I could think about since 'that' day. I couldn't get her out of my head. I had become consumed with my thoughts about this woman. A familiar warmth spread across my nether regions every time I thought about her. Every now and then, I thought I could still feel the silky touch of her hands, her lips and her tongue lingering all over my body. On the warmest day, even my nipples would burgeon and stand erect, remembering all the attention she had administered to them on 'that' day. That blissful day.
Once the euphoria and excitement of being with a woman for the first time had passed, I began to wonder what I must have been thinking at the time. It just wasn't something that I would do...was it?
Sure, I had admired other girls before. I had even had fleeting thoughts of what it would be like to kiss or be intimate with another woman but never would I have had the guts to actually do anything to find out. Not likely. What could it possibly mean? I knew I wasn't a lesbian, that was for sure so why had I given myself up so freely and easily to a complete stranger? And a woman at that. Perhaps there was a side to me, my sexuality, that had lain undiscovered and unexplored for all these years. Or was it something I had chosen to ignore?
Toby had been very much a man's man, a macho man if you like and so domineering. He thought gays and lesbians were abhorrent, scum of the earth and would never have conceded the idea of myself being with another woman. Maybe I had concealed my thoughts for that reason. Or maybe she had just caught me at my most vulnerable.
Yes, that must be it...I was just seeking comfort, just a silly moment that should never have happened. So then why the hell had I enjoyed it so damn much and was left craving more? Why was I fantasising about this beautiful stranger all the time? Oh heck I was as confused and embarrassed as ever. The last time I felt like this was when I was about 15 and agonising about whether my crush Josh fancied me as much as I fancied him. I felt like a schoolgirl just then.
The fact that I had not heard from Alison in all this time just made me feel worse about the whole thing. Perhaps it was just a silly moment for her too or was it all part of some kind of sick game for her and her and Mark and their 'open' relationship. But her obvious concern that night she knocked on my door and the note she left me the next morning partly reassured me that was not the case. I guessed she had decided to leave the ball in my court. Well I would have to speak to her sometime soon, if only just to clear my fuzzy head a little.
This coming Friday would be the day, I decided. I had a rare weekend off from work. I would simply call her on the number she had left for me on her parting note, invite her out for a few drinks and a chat and that would be the end of it.
And so I did - call Alison. I nervously dialled her number and waited for what seemed like a neverending sequence of rings before a familiar voice rang in my ear.
''Hello?'' Oh God, my heart was pounding.
''Uhmm hi, it's uhmm...it's me, it's Jo.'' I stuttered like a fool.
''Hey hun!!! Gosh, been a while. I was starting to think I'd never hear from you again.'' She chuckled. ''You alright?''
''Oh uhmm yeah yeah I'm fine, absolutely fine and look I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, I've just been really busy. You...you're not upset or anything are you? I meant to call but I...'' Why was I so bloody nervous?!
