~~~ The Mother ~~~
The price is $5,000 for the premium package and we've been corresponding for the last month. I'm looking at their website, a coaching service to get young women into any top sorority in the country. They don't offer guarantees but they promise a major competitive advantage, which is enough to put them in high demand.
It's morning and I'm in my office finalizing an advertisement campaign for a big client. All I can think about is my daughter and how our lives will be temporarily upended once the 'sorority consultant' gets here next week.
My daughter isn't thrilled with the idea, she thinks it's a waste of time and money given her experience at the all-girls private high school. The girls at the private school were mean, of course. I also took issue with my daughter's education there. She'd roll her eyes whenever I called her 'woke' for always discussing the patriarchy and other modern doctrines imbued by her teachers. Naturally this created friction between us.
Putting it in simpler terms, I want my daughter to be like me. I want her to rediscover her feminine side and to relish her youth. I want her university experience to be like mine, only better. My daughter isn't fully resisting, which gives me hope that she can be saved. I know it sounds selfish but it's honestly for the best.
I send a confirmation message and put my credit card info on their website. The first payment is $1,000 and non-refundable. Worth every penny given the level of experienced talent they have within their ranks. I mean, they have former sorority presidents and ranking members at their disposal, alongside the stellar reviews they've been getting.
~~~ The Daughter ~~~
Almost everyday for the last week, Sophie has been coming over while my mother is at work. We're nothing alike. Sophie is everything I'm not. She's more sophisticated as she's approaching her 30's. She always looks like she's auditioning for a role in the Barbie sequel, with her picture perfect blonde hair and tan, her ballerina posture, and her whitened teeth.
Maybe that's why I like her so much. I had plenty of friends in high school, but I was never in the cool club. I'm more of a book smart person. Someone who aligns closer to geeks than party goers. Being around Sophie triggers my insecurities, though of course, I'd never tell her that. Way too embarrassing.
What surprised me the most about these sessions are how physical they are. Sophie has me doing all kinds of crazy activities outside in my suburban community. Lots of running, lots of uphill sprints, lots of carrying small sandbags. Physical challenges are common to getting into a sorority, it tests stamina and creates a strong bond amongst the new members.
This is supposed to be my summer break before college starts but instead I'm in boot camp. The physical activities are grueling enough, but Sophie gave me a binder to memorize. Scripts for the interview process, terms I need to know, even a breakdown of who the sorority leaders are. It's very much a political campaign.
$5,000 well spent, thank you, mom. We literally could have gone on vacation instead, like I tried telling her, but whatever. I'm not one to argue with my mother despite what she tells people.
Right now it's morning and I'm with Sophie and we're in shorts and a tshirt. Running shoes for the uphill sprints. I love running for health and hobby, but this is ridiculous. My lungs are on fire and my legs burn. My hair is a frazzled mess and beads of sweat drip from my face. At the end of it, she keeps telling me to smile. This builds endurance and stress tolerance for rush week, she says.
We stretch and cool down on the lawn where water bottles and towels await. I'm thankful the physical part of the day is over, but the mental part is never over, as I've come to learn. Getting into a top sorority is statistically harder than joining a top university.
Once we've rested enough, she leads me to my backyard, a typical suburban scene with fences, lounge chairs, a patio, and patches of grass. It all seems ordinary and I wonder what Sophie's gameplan is as she twirls a shopping bag in her hand.
She asks to see my shoulder, and when I pull the top of my tshirt to reveal it, she smiles, then gives an ominous nod.
"Tan lines, we have to fix that," she says.
"What's wrong with tanlines?"
"Nothing, they look great. But if you want to be a sorority girl with tan lines, then at least make them more even. Yours are a mess. Like you just wear whatever you want. No rhyme or reason to your outfits. Put on this bikini, we're going to sunbathe."
Sophie reaches into the bag and holds out a bikini top so small, I think it's a joke. She gives what appears to be an evil grin, but this isn't a joke. In all the time I've known her, she doesn't joke when it comes to work.
"Is this necessary?"
"Every little bit helps. These girls spend a lot of time doing outdoor activities. So you'll need to look the part with a better tan, that'll help overcome some of your other deficiencies."
"Ouch."
"I meant that lovingly. Now strip."
"Here?"
"Yes, here. Right now. Part of sorority life means dressing and undressing in tight quarters around sorority sisters. If you show any glimmer of hesitation, you're more likely to be eliminated from the process."
"This is a residential neighborhood. People could be looking."
She pretends to look around. "I don't see anyone looking, do you? It's a weekday, everyone is at work. And if anyone sees, who cares?"
"I care. You know, my reputation is on the line."
"Then you'll have to learn how to dress fast."
A multitude of rebuttals formulate in my mind, but I'm enamored by Sophie and I don't want to disappoint her. She's like the older sister I never had. She stares at me with eagle eyes and a strong posture. I'm impressed, she could be coasting this job if she wants because the odds that I make the sorority are slim, but she's been pushing me hard.
I remove my tshirt and throw it on the grass. She's right, my tan lines are a mess. My face and arms are the same color, but now she sees the whiteness of my stomach and I'm glad she doesn't laugh. In fact I'm thankful she doesn't make a comment about the small pudge around my belly.
Off comes the sports bra and I brace myself for any comment she has about my tan lines or tits. She's right. My chest hasn't seen the sun in god knows how long. Sunbathing has never been an interest of mine, I never saw the point.
Sophie is silent, her eagle eyes sharp as ever.
"You're staring at my chest," I say.
"Interesting nipples."
Her face is matter-of-fact, like she's a doctor who sees a variety of nipples on a routine basis.
"What's interesting about them?"