Miranda
"Good Morning class. Today we are having our midterm, backpacks up at the front, hats and drinks as well, you'll need nothing but a pencil. I will pass out your books as soon as everyone is back in their seats. Also, please turn in your papers before you leave and make sure you don't forget otherwise it will be late."
I don't know what happened the other night but I do know that both Toni and I want each other, question is how bad? It's like one moment we hate each other, then we're in a room getting as close as possible, or we're ready to go out. Then nothing, absolutely nothing she runs the other way. And what makes her think I can't do the one night stand thing. I am getting a divorce, who the hell is she to tell me what I can and can't do.
Look at her, looking at me like she wants me. I know she wants me and is hungry for me, I can see the lust in her eyes. Well honey two can play this game. I wasn't sure what I expected from this, but I wanted Toni. In my bed for one reason and one reason only, sex.
Toni was the first to leave and to hand in her paper. Our fingers touched and for a split moment in time, as I looked at her I was captivated by her big brown eyes and out she went with a grin, a knowing grin. Just like that she makes me forget that I need to take control of our situation, because I can't think of a better way to put it.
Her paper was not only the best written paper but her research was extensive. She had put a lot of thought and effort into it. The entire paper had no marks which is very rare. I considered if I had some sort of bias which didn't make sense considering I may have wanted to lower her grade. I went to one of my colleagues to look it over and she was equally impressed.
Her essay for the midterm was just as good, she took her education seriously.
I had hopes for the quarter passing quickly and she would leave my fantasies, but that was not going anywhere. As for my divorce well it was moving along faster than I had expected. My soon to be ex-husband's lawyers knew that there was no way out and they had minimal time. My team of lawyers, as they put it, were able to find enough evidence of infidelity to avoid denial on his part. His parents wanted it to be quick and avoid any negative press. Ultimately what it comes down to is; I keep this house, the NY loft, the vegas condo, the beach house and the one in Southampton. I chose that one to piss off his parents. I don't want it, it'll be on sale as soon as I get the chance. I also get about 65% of our money, which is part of my earnings as well as his and some money from his family trust fund. We were technically millionaires, although I had never thought of us that way until I saw it on paper.
This is when I realized that I didn't want the money to define me. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I was ready for a change. I decided it was time for a talk with Autumn the one person I could count on to be honest with me.
We decided on lunch at Geoffrey's, she picked me up saying something about I had no excuse to get away if she picked me up. Geoffrey's is an oceanside restaurant on PCH in Malibu. It's a very soothing feeling to be oceanside. We talked about my divorce and being single together again and then I decided I needed her opinion on my situation with Toni.
"So you remember my tow truck incident."
"That's right you were so mad." She laughed at me.
"Don't laugh. Well she apologizes on our ride home after being a bitch and rude."
"Honey you can be a little hostile sometimes," she raised her eyebrows.
"That's another thing I need to ask you, but later, then she goes on to talk about my age. I'm only 32 am I that old, do I look that old?"
"She probably just sensed your fears and just played off of that, honey you have been talking about your age since you turned 21, and part of it is Steven would say always say something stupid. No you are not old at all and you don't even look a day over 25, relax."
"I guess, then on top of that, this divorce has me on edge. I feel like I wasn't good enough and he left me for someone younger, like what the hell. It should be over and done with within 2 months."
"What are you gonna do with your humongous house? Do you get to keep it? I never thought it was very you."
"I know."
"No I don't think you do and its time I spoke my peace so just listen for a second. He never deserved you and you never truly loved him. I know I know, yes you did that's what you think, but you didn't. You liked that he was exactly what your parents wanted for you, it was easy. He was everything you thought your prince charming should be. Then you changed to be what he wanted and you gave up who you were. You became a big shot therapist and professor and sorry to tell you hun but I think you let it get to your head. With me you're one way but I've seen the way you can be with others. I Love you because you're my best friend and with me you're still the same girl from college, but you changed love and I can't say that I blame you because you just adjusted to your new environment. I was happy when you passed up the job at SC for Calstate LA."
I was actually sad and a bit hurt. "Truth hurts."
"I'm sorry you had to know." She was drinking a mimosa and looking out to the ocean.
"Why wait so long to tell me?"
"I honestly don't know, it wasn't until recently that I really started thinking about it and with me you're still the same girl from college."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"Find yourself, who you truly are away from everyone else. Oh and for the record I think you were gay before you married."
"That was just fun."
"I doubt it honey, I am sure you prefer women. I can see it in your eyes when an attractive woman walks in a room. At first I thought you just assessed them but then I realized it was lust in your eyes. Look I want to help you, how about we go out and visit one of those bars in WeHo and you can see what team you really play for. It'll help you get your mind off of everything."
"You're kidding right, I'm too old for clubs."
"Well at least you didn't deny it and stop with the age thing, trust me love you're gorgeous and young and you'll get so much attention. It's settled you and me at a club next Friday."
"Autumn I'm too old to figure out I'm gay."
"Babe you are not that old, if you call yourself old then you call me old and then I'm gonna have to hurt you."
"I'm sorry I just...its just....damn Steven was such an ass. He left me for someone younger."
"He didn't leave you, you left him, and he was an asshole who deserves to get run over by a bus. Friday night, me, you and some very beautiful women for you to have fun with."
"Fine it's not like I have anything else planned."
We finished our lunch together and everything played over and over in my mind. Who was I, who was I supposed to be, who did I want to be?
The next week I handed the essays and papers back. Toni was the last to leave and after so much thinking over the last week, I owed her an apology for my words. I had come to terms with my behavior and I knew I was out of line.