I was gobsmacked at the notion that after such a long time of yearning for the touch of another woman that lightning could strike twice in such a short period of time. After going through, dare I say, a dry spell of so long...although the yearning ..constant yearning in the search was anything but dry. My everyday was playing out against the backdrop of the constant, and I do mean constant thought of the new relationship with the young beauty who surprised me by ravishing me after I seduced her (or she allowed herself to be seduced perhaps). I have no idea why human nature acts this way, but as the young one and I had texted and emailed and phoned in exemplifying more of a relationship than just a tryst and the ravishing of each other in those stolen moments in bed together, I was longing for, craving for even more lesbian variety. Not that the young one who adores me and fills me in the moments we are together wasn't enough, but it happened that in this constant state of arousal in thinking so much about her and when we would touch our tinglies again, I ran into an old acquaintance at a soccer game where her son and mine were playing each other...and the attraction between us was instantaneous.
Faye, I have to describe, is "beautiful to me." Her looks aren't of the type that will be glorified by Hollywood or People magazine ...Plain Jane shoulder length stringy hair with a hint of red and a few redhead trademark freckles to go with her fairly athletic broad shoulders and strong (not fat) thighs. It is her striking green, expressive eyes and consistently perky, bubbly attitude (the one who draws all eyes when she's on the dance floor) that always made me like her when our paths crossed more regularly about five years ago when our sons were newborns. I confess A HINT of attraction back then, and as we met again that Saturday, it seemed that even though we had not really spoken in years, our gift of gabbing with one another and finishing each others sentences remained intact. We were expressing common interests. We talked for 1/2 an hour about TV shows like Big Brother and Desperate Housewives ...and the catching up on her life story included a fairly messy divorce from a husband that cheated on her ...not surprising because he had made refused flirtations towards even me, a fact I didn't divulge to her. She emotionally talked alot about what happened, what was going on with her and her son, her "not enough time for that" excuse for not dating...and ..well ..I was realizing that as we talked...something in me had changed quite a bit since we last talked. I was feeling a new found sexual, (lesbian sexual) confidence. I almost blushed in the self realization that after I had recently painstakingly seduced the young one who had become my obsession, I was definitely sizing up Faye as we talked that morning for yet another sexual conquest ...my mind calculating the odds and the risks and the "what if she's interested."
Which is why I started hinting when she pressed me on the "what's new with you?" front. " Of course I'm not going to just blurt out how my bi-curious with a few experiences side has become almost bona-fide lesbian in the last few years. But, as fast as my mind was thinking, I knew I'd get around to finding a way to find out if a romp with me might be something she'd be interested in.
"Know any good divorce lawyers?" I said, and surprised myself a bit when I said off the cuff, "I am just staying busy and I'm not sure I can really talk about what's going on in my life ...but it would probably make for good gossip or maybe even I should lay out the juicy details on a blog...you know..anonymously...so I could feel like I had someone to talk to about all soap opera aspects of my life." THAT was awfully close to the truth.
Predictably, she said "well you know you can talk to me." And, I WANT to ...and my blood is racing because I am not only enjoying the attention of a renewed friendship, but also scanning her for any body language that indicates attraction to me, or anything that she might say that would open up any more hints about what I am really thinking, which was mostly along the lines of "gawd I wonder what those gorgeous eyes of hers look like when she's coming."
We had always had an easy repoire with sexual subjects when we talked, and away from the other moms, down the sideline and with my world of thoughts so far away from anything happening on the field, she began the guessing game of what secrets I wasn't sharing.
"Is he cheating on you...are you cheating on him...are you having an affair?..and (she paused) if you are, does he have any friends?" we laughed.
"It's pretty complicated ..I told you...I 'm not ready to talk about it well...not here anyway ...maybe we might find time for a juicy phone call or a trip to Starbucks or something."
"But ...the IS somebody, right?" she quizzed.
"You could always read me like a book."
"I think the book on your life would be a bestseller for sure," she said through a wry, knowing grin. That kinda zinged me. I felt beckoned to continue my attraction ...this crush on her was growing by the minutes.
Before our morning was over, I assured her not to worry about me..I was ok. And, I was ready to keep talking with her, she gave me that ease and comfort, but events didn't allow that as we lost our semi-privacy and the game wrapped up with her. She invited me to go to a crafts fair, and I really wanted to ditch all responsibilities and just do ANYTHING she wanted, but the lengthy reacquainting wrapped up with her and I both adding each others phone numbers into cells. I relished the TYPE of conversation we had ...the deeper, more mature, woman's give and take that was missing from exchanges I was having with my co-workers, neighbors, and most especially from the talks I was having with the beautiful, but ten years younger lesbian lover I was giving my lips I drove away feeling vibrant, attracted, and ...wanting to play out what was going to happen...and most of all, less fearful of lesbian rejection than I had ever felt.
In that short meeting I had pretty much made up my mind that I was at least going to tell her of my lesbian leanings. It was like I could feel my sexual fixation slowly shifting from the one that I'd been rolling around with, to the one I WANTED to roll around with as soon as possible. If it felt a little disloyal to the girl I had begun to have strong ..dare I say love feelings for lately, it also seemed inescapable. If it wouldn't be Faye to open that door, I was determined to. If I had to, I was prepared to trick my mind into believing that making a pass at Faye was safe from the the hurt if my advances should be rebuffed. For, long ago, in my late teens, I lost my best friend telling her about my sexuality. This was more an acquaintance, an acquaintance I reaaaally liked of course, and felt attracted to for sure, but clearly I had less to lose and believed that PROBABLY I could trust her not to gossip my secrets to everyone within the possible circle of common relationships we had in this small town environment. And ...because things are going so well with my young girlfriend, whom I love for everything that is happening between us but don't feel so much the need to be necessarily faithful to her, the pressure of the desperation of my years of "doing without" was off the table.
Thus, the rest of the weekends idol thoughts were spent daydreaming of both the possibilities and "what if's" of pressing for something with Faye, and the "how to's" swirling in my mind about making the soccer mom fantasy a reality, and the current sexual reality of planning the next hotel or backseat rendezvous with my young and dedicated babe. Truly, my lesbian cup runneth over.
The next Tuesday afternoon on my day off, the young one and I enjoyed the brief time we had carved out for each other. We didn't have much time together ...but made love as passionately as any of our stolen moments. We knew we would just have to hurry things along...which I knew would be easy given the passions in the stolen away textings and emails to one another. She continued to amaze me with her instinct of my body with the pleasure of her even better tongue, and the affection she showers me with so much. So good ..so good...A THOUSAND TIMES SO GOOD. She wows me totally....yet, amidst all the sexual satisfaction that continued with her, my mind never allowed me to be so immersed in the delights of the young one to ever dismiss the possibilities of the itch I had to explore my more seasoned, new found object of affection. Oh, fantasizing about one lover, or potential lover, while pleasuring another, I realized, was almost a lifetime pastime of mine. I laughed and accepted that as good as the sex was that Tuesday afternoon, it just was not enough ..not nearly enough ...and that had nothing to do with the efforts or passion or orgasmic sensuality of the afternoon with the youthful one. It had everything to do with how the Saturday meeting with Faye and the fantasy visions of the two of us making a different kind of love made me either need to know the pleasure of her skin, her body, her touch and her wet desire, or if not a need, than most certainly, one of the strongest appetites I had ever felt to quench my thirst for woman to woman intimacy.
Wednesday morning, the next day after after getting my son off to school, I decided to give her THE CALL ...just to see what could be in the cards. The call ended up giving me all I needed to know about her ..and the knowing that we'd soon be sharing a bed. She answered, was home, was alone, and we could TALK. My plan ...yes it was a bonafide and well thought out plan, was to ambush her with some lighthearted sexual innuendo ...see how that went...drop in some mention of lesbian culture ...and eventually, confess to her with honesty...but not forsaking some hint of erotica. There was something sooooo "high school boyfriend" about this ...but it felt like that. Like I was prepping for a contest, my mind encouraged me with "you can do this." I was just going to go up the ramp, leaving enough room to back down the ramp and save face if I got the wrong vibe....but I also knew, eventually, there would be a place where I would likely cross the line of NOT being able to back away..and I was determined to follow through with that. I was nervous ..but this was my baby, my pet project now ..a challenge I was especially up for ..and I reasoned with myself that if the worst happened, that if I crossed the boundary of not being able to back away and she roundly rejected my advance, I'd still have my young lesbian lover as fall back, and therefore have no sorrows to drown.
"hey are you busy? ...watcha doin? are you by yourself or have company? Well, put the vibrator down lets talk!" My opening salvo. Sexual innuendo--CHECK. She wasnt offended and laughed . . . was a good sign
When she asked me what I was doing, I white lied that I was watching "Loving Annabelle," on my computer...she hadn't seen it ..we got sidetracked about watching tv on computer of course, and I almost had to force in the reason why I mentioned the movie..."just a really well done story...teacher student affair...except the teacher and the student are both women...you know>? " Lesbian inference Check! "ahhh I see" was the only reaction I could coax from that semi-bombshell. I couldn't have been more transparent in an attempt to bring up the subject of lesbianism . Up the ramp, but still can back down, because watching a lesbian movie still doesn't make me a lesbian right?
Our conversation weaved between the continued catching up and I extracted some more details of her marriage break up, sympathized with her, told her I was "not going to be married forever myself," and explained that when it was time I would be on my own ..but not yet...and so we encouraged each other in some man-hating. She told me about hooking up with a younger guy and extolled the virtues of her stamina, worship of her and his "perfectly shaped cock." I told her I could relate to some of that, and so she once again began to press me on my story. "You're keeping a secret and I'm GONNA find out what it is ." "Hold on," I said and walked away to gather myself and give a pep talk to myself, leaving Faye on hold for at least a minute to ponder.
"I'm sorry if it's nosy but I'm dying to know what's goin on...and you always used to tell me everything!"
