It was over. I knew it. I fact, I'd known it for some time. He was just the latest in a string of unfortunate boyfriends, and they never worked out. Was there something wrong with me? Or them?
I put the phone down with a sigh. I was a little sad, but not exactly devastated. Mostly, as usual, I felt frustrated, disappointed, and a little bit bemused. I hadn't really much idea why I 'couldn't keep hold of a man' as my mum put it. I suppose she was a little bemused herself as to why her attractive daughter was pushing 30 and still not properly paired off.
The truth was that I found having a boyfriend, and especially the sex, less exciting than I thought it should be; I mean, the guys were OK, but they didn't make me see stars. I just thought I hadn't met the right one yet.
I'd had a few fairly short-lived relationships, sometimes ended by me and sometimes by him, but it was all a bit emotionally exhausting. I decided to take a break for a while and collect my thoughts, go out with my girlfriends and have a good time, but rebuff any advances made to me by men, unless someone really irresistible came along. I would return to how I was during my early teens, getting all my sexual fulfilment from my fingers and my toys.
Once I'd made the decision, I found I was both relieved, and strangely excited. I'd always enjoyed my solo sex, and was still getting myself off fairly regularly, even while in a sexual relationship, sometimes immediately after he'd gone home late in the evening. Sex with men obviously just wasn't quite doing it for me, whereas I never failed to have spectacular orgasms when I used toys or my fingers. Now that I was going to do it more, I found I was really looking forward to it.
Let me introduce myself. I'm SeΓ²naid ('Shona' to my friends). I'm 29, 5'5" tall, with wavy, shoulder-length red hair and a figure that is neither especially thin nor fat. I guess some people might say 'average' but I'm fierce in my belief that I'm better than that. I have good legs, with full, shapely thighs, nice slim waist and curvaceous hips, and my tits are definitely above average in both size and shape. In fact, if I wear a low-cut top, they seem to be amazingly magnetic to men.
I'm of Scottish (Mum) and Irish (Dad) descent (hence the Gaelic name) and have pale skin and hazel eyes with a hint of green. I never seem to lack male attention, so I must be at least OK-looking. My friend Viv says I'm simply gorgeous, but she's probably biased.
I work as a physiotherapist in a private clinic in the north of England, so I spend most of every day in scrubs and flat shoes, which is probably why I enjoy dressing up in something more 'glam' when I get the chance. Boyfriends love it too of course but, in truth, I'm not doing it for them. I just love the way it makes me feel.
Ever since my teens, I've had a high libido and, as mentioned above, even when I've been in sexual relationships the sex has never been enough to keep me completely satisfied. I've always had my luxurious wank sessions, and they are, in some ways, even more exciting than sex with men.
When I settle down for a session of self-pleasure, I provide myself with a number of mirrors and a selection of toys. I like to watch myself and I've always found that the mirrors made it a much more sensuous, erotic experience.
More recently, I started using a camera as well, and that added another dimension to the eroticism. I've found that I enjoy 'performing' for the camera - it always makes me super horny - and I also discovered a further layer of pleasure when I started watching the films and wanking off to them; yes, getting myself off by watching me getting myself off. Strangely pervy and yet somehow very erotic.
It's not all narcissism though; I've also sometimes used solo girl porn to enhance my experience, but it was always strictly solo girl stuff - until more recently.
It wasn't long before it occurred to me that if I enjoyed watching myself 'perform', maybe others would too, and I began exploring how women make money from just showing off their bodies. I had a long email conversation with a woman who has a super-hot channel on Pornhub and she told me how to get into it, and the eye-popping amounts of money you can make if you have a good body. I began to think seriously about it. I got a lot of pleasure out of filming my solo play sessions and then watching the films, so why not make a bob or two at the same time?
When I started thinking about doing it for a wider audience, I began to take more care about things like lighting, camera angles, lingerie, makeup, and creating super-horny lurid close ups. I bought two more cameras, some professional lights, and some new lingerie (I love shopping for lingerie) and I quickly gained expertise. Before long I had developed myself into a self-pornographer of the highest order, and I had a lot of fun doing it.
It was probably only a month or two after I finished with my last boyfriend Chris, that I made the first film that I intended to publish for subscribers on my new channel. It was a warm Saturday and I locked myself away in my bedroom with my cameras, put on some sexy stockings, chose a few toys, and then spent the whole afternoon just playing with myself, showing off to the camera, and having a LOT of orgasms. I was so horny, these were also maybe the wettest orgasms I'd ever had.
I've always loved playing with my pussy, spreading my lips and stretching the flesh in all kinds of ways, and looking at myself from different angles. Some might say that's egotistical or self-obsessed but I don't think It is. There's nothing wrong with being aware of your own sexual allure, and I just think myself very lucky to be able to get so much pleasure from my own body.
'Playing to the gallery' was such an incredible aphrodisiac. The thought that someone was going to be watching me, tossing themselves off over me, and paying for the privilege, was such a horny idea that I even amazed myself with some of the drooling, spurting orgasms I produced, and I recorded them all in glorious 4k high-definition.
After an hour or two, I thought I was done, but then I started to watch the footage, intending to edit it down to just the best bits, and those brazen, glistening close ups of my drooling wet pussy turned me on so much my fingers were soon busy again and the camera was switched back to record to capture yet more wet, creamy orgasms. God, I was fucking made for this!