I was young when I lost my virginity. It was nothing special, I'm sure he only wanted me because he thought I'd put out, and I guess... he was right. It was in his car, well.. on the bonnet of his car. He saw, he conquered, he came. I didn't.
In fact, between my first sexual experience and the age of nineteen, I had never cum with a man. Never. Foreplay, the actual act, role-playing.. it didn't seem to matter. The only time I could properly FEEL it, was alone.
I met Rebecca at a party. I was new to the 'crowd', having just changed schools, and apparently very interesting to those around me. I didn't tell much about myself, and my old school had been a fair distance away, so I probably came across as Miss-dark-and-mysterious. As the night wore on, I stayed at Bec's side. Laughing at drunken boys offering us drinks, dances and goodness knows what else. Talking about life, love... the tragedy of the skirt the girl on the couch across from us was wearing.
It was a small gathering, probably not much more than 30 or so people in a fairly large house. But it was loud. We were talking about her major project for Drama at school and decided that we'd have a better chance of actually hearing one another outside. A bit of stumbling and some giggling later we were seated comfortably on the back step. The lighting was poor, and we were both sipping fairly toxic vodka & orange mixes, so before long we were leaning against one another to hold ourselves up.
We reached that stage that I'm sure everyone has been at – where everything is funny, or incredibly, incredibly deep. I was twisted to be looking at her, [propping myself up with my elbow on the stair above us] and she was half tilted. She started to fall mid-sentence and I went to grab her. I guess I was less co-ordinated than I thought I was, because not only did I grab her.. but in the sudden motion forward, I started to fall with her.
Giggling, we crawled across the path and out onto the grass. I didn't realise it at the time, but her hand was still secured firmly within my own palm. It seemed so magic, laying there on my back, fingers entwined with hers, shoulders touching, the stars twinkling above us. And then my view of the sky was interrupted – a tumble of black curls and a slightly red face appeared. I was struck by how incredibly blue her eyes were – infact, to this day I have not been able to describe that precise hue – and started to tell her. My words came out in a jumble, and before I knew it her lips were pressing onto my own.
I've never felt anything quite like it. So soft, so yielding. And yet, as her arm crept across my chest and rested on the other side of me – pinning me down, so powerful. My initial reaction was shock, but with the gentle coaxing of her tongue, before long I had opened to her kisses and was wrapping my arms around her, pulling her with little shame into me.
She was so... gentle. I got the distinct impression she had been with a girl before. Her touch, unlike my clumsy one, was delicate and certain, her hands glided over my body like graceful swans – mine jutted, jerked, and were often frozen in the one place as I searched my mind desperately for some sort of reason – some grasp of reality that would wake me up and force me to push her off.
I didn't, though.