Monica sat idly on a bench in the school courtyard, rambling into her journal. She had so many thoughts in her head that she had to get them down on paper, otherwise she would go crazy for sure. She couldn't stop thinking about Mrs. Williams. She thought about her at night, she thought about her when she was playing with herself in the mornings before school, and she could barely pay attention when she was in Mrs. Williams class because she spent so much time staring at her. She wanted desperately just to tell her how she felt, but it was so strange, so weird she didn't think she would ever be able to. That made Monica very sad, and writing about it was her coping mechanism.
Monica was so into her writing, that she didn't even hear Bobby Slater walking up behind her.
"Hey babe," he said, covering her eyes with his massive hands.
She dropped her pen with a gasp, "Bobby!" She turned to face him, quickly closing her journal, lest he catch a glimpse of what she had just written.
Bobby leaned down to kiss her on the lips, which she half-heartedly returned. She didn't think she was going to be able to go on having a quasi-relationship with him for much longer. He truly was a great guy, an absolute stud, and he really deserved a girl that would appreciate him for who he was, not a mixed up girl on the verge of full-fledged dykedom.
"Hey Mon, why you look so down?" He always called her Mon.
"Oh, just a lot on my mind, Bobby. What are you doing around here?"
"Me and a couple of the guys are going over to Wendy's. Wanna come?"
His eyes were almost pleading. Monica really was a great catch. Numerous guys wanted to get with her, but Bobby fought them off like swatting flies. He looked so sweet standing there, and it made her feel special, so there was no way she could say know, even though her heart wasn't quite in it.
"Sure, Bobby, I'd love to."
She checked her watch, threw her journal and pen in her backpack as he she stood, Bobby taking her by the hand.
As they walked off towards the greasy fast food joint, she didn't realize that she hadn't zipped up her backpack, and she didn't hear her journal fall onto the grass.
Shari felt somewhat like a stalker, staring from her classroom window down at the courtyard. She had watched Monica the entire time she sat there. She loved the way Monica's long hair draped across her face, and the way she crossed her legs. She didn't even care if Monica looked up and saw her, as she just couldn't take her eyes off the beautiful creature. In fact, deep inside, she wished that Monica would look up towards her classroom. It would mean that Monica was thinking about her. Just the thought got Shari excited. She was disappointed, perhaps even heartbroken when she saw Bobby walk up and give her a kiss, and then the two of them leave together. Maybe she was going to give him a chance, Shari thought. And that meant that she had no chance at all, if she had the nerve to take it.
She was just turning away in resignation when she saw the small book drop out of Monica's backpack onto the ground. Thinking that it might be some schoolwork, she decided to go down and retrieve it, before it got lost or thrown away. She would hold onto it until critical writing class, and give it to her then.
Shari hurried downstairs and grabbed the thin, spiral notebook from under the bench. It had "Monica's Journal" written in silly "girl' handwriting in gold metallic ink on the cover. The cover was worn and tattered in places, so she had obviously had it for quite some time. Shari stared at it for a moment. 'This is Monica's diary', she thought. Monica would be devastated if she lost it, and someone else found it. Shari was glad she had been watching, she couldn't imagine how upset Monica would be if it fell into some dumb kids hands.
Walking back to her classroom to gather her things and leave for the day, the little devil of temptation was starting to get to her. Even though it would be a complete violation of privacy, what might be hidden in those pages was calling out to her. Besides, Shari thought, she wouldn't tell a soul, and this was probably the closest she would ever get to Monica. Shari closed the blinds and locked the door, then sitting down at her desk she began to read. She leafed through a few pages of idle entries about school and life in general, until one page caught her attention. It was headed with the words "My Secret Crush" in pink letters with a tiny red heart at the end.
"Oh....," Shari mouthed to herself, quickly losing herself in the words.
8-28-04
I can't believe I'm writing this, but I've got so many feelings inside of me I gotta get them out. I can't stop thinking about her. I never thought I would like girls. In fact, I like girls more than I like boys. She's so smart and so pretty, I wish I could tell her, but she wouldn't understand. Nobody would understand..
Monica had dedicated an entire section of her little journal to this, in fact it took up a good portion of the middle of it. Shari was fascinated. To read that Monica liked girls made her squirm in her chair. She was getting aroused just reading about it.
9-6-04
I almost had sex with Bobby this weekend. Even though I don't like boys very much, he was being so sweet and nice, I really wanted to. But I couldn't stop thinking about my crush. Even when he was kissing on me, I was only thinking about her. I'm not ready to lose my virginity yet. Not to a boy. But if it was her, I would have fucked her. I know I would. I told Bobby I wasn't ready, and he just smiled at me. He was SOOOO sweet. I'm gonna have to find him a girl that really wants him. I didn't want him to be disappointed so I sucked his dick. It was only the second time I did it. He said I was great, but I don't know, I really don't know what to do when I do that. I let him cum in my mouth though, it was really weird, and tasted funny, but it wasn't that bad. He was so happy afterwards, it made me feel really good. Maybe I can make her happy one of these days.
Shari couldn't resist touching herself, these words were making her so hot. She was rubbing her pussy through her pants as she leafed through. Thoughts of her little student dancing through her head, making her dizzy with lust and affection, the kind of lust that was painfully intense because she knew that it could never, ever be fulfilled. She would have to admire her beauty from as close as she could get. Then in the spring Monica would be graduating and would go off to college, and that would be that.
Shari decided that she needed to get off right then and there. She unzipped her pants and slipped a finger down into her cleft, going straight for her engorged bud. She moaned and wiggled softly to herself and she moved closer to a quiet, skillful climax, frigging with one hand and flipping pages with the other.
She bit her lip as orgasm washed over her, her old chair shaking and creaking. As she opened her eyes and came down from her high, she came across one short post that made her eyes feel like they would bulge from their sockets.
11-28-04
I can't take it anymore, I need to tell her my feelings otherwise I'm gonna go crazy. I got up the nerve to tell her today, I thought, but when I went to her and was about to spill, but then I made up some stupid story about Bobby. GOD I AM SO CHICKEN SHIT!!!! Maybe it's for the best though, why knows what would happen if somebody found out. I'm so unhappy.
It only took a moment for Shari to make the connection. The 28th was only 4 days ago, the day Monica dropped by her classroom after school. A tear dropped from her eye onto the page before she could catch it. She closed the journal and tucked it away in her desk drawer. Before she knew it she was sobbing uncontrollably at her desk. Her emotions were a complete mess. She had no clue what to do next. Firstly, she had to get the journal back to Monica. If she took it back and laid it under the bench, it would either end up in the trash, or worse, somebody would take it and read it. She would just have to give it back herself.
Shari didn't sleep well at all the previous night, so she was sure she looked like a complete wreck the next day at school. She tossed and turned all night thinking about Monica, about herself, about her sexuality, her husband, and everything else under the sun. She had come to the conclusion that she was better off just giving back the journal and not mentioning a word of anything that she had read, even though her heart was breaking to do so. She didn't know the depth of Monica's feelings for her, but it was better to not even go into that territory. Monica would eventually get over it, and maybe in time, Shari thought, she would too.
Shari was completely glum the next day, and the thunder and rain of a sudden storm system moving through did nothing to brighten her mood. In English class that day, although Monica looked beautiful in a pale green linen top and her customary tight jeans and sneakers, Shari noticed she was completely distracted and looked visibly upset. The bell rang mercifully, and Monica quickly gathered her books and headed for the door. Usually friendly and warm to Shari, today it seemed she wanted to get as far away from her as quickly as she could.
