You know that point in your life where you're obligated to start thinking about your future? I avoided that for many years. When it came to deciding which school to attend for college, I simply chose the one furthest and least like the area where I grew up. That decision proved to be enough for a year or so, but then that time comes around again, doesn't it? The time to think about the future. I didn't know what I wanted out of life I just knew I wanted to be like my professor, not that I felt anything sexual towards her at all, but she is just the most interesting woman I know. She just inspired me to keep going with my education, attend graduate school and enter the world of Research Psychology. My main interest was in Sexology, Alfred Kinsey is another one of my idols, so I wanted nothing more than to be the next Alfred Kinsey. The short version goes like this: I was published in the American Sexologists Association journal and my name was growing in popularity in my field. I achieved something great. But then the excitement of research dwindled and I was unsure of the next step.
Dr. Lockhart is my official title, I was the youngest woman in the field of Sexology ever to be published. I also am the prettiest, and I know that makes me sound arrogant but in all seriousness, have you seen what a sexologist looks like? The majority of the ASA are pervy middle-aged men and women who look like men who do nothing but stare at my tits at the ASA conventions. That's something to be expected though- I mean, our job is to study sex, sexuality, and all things related. So, to understand the human sex drive is understand why I was gawked at. I stick out like a sore thumb at those conventions and I'm usually the only one wearing deodorant, frankly. Besides that, I wear my blonde high-lighted hair to my shoulders, I have blue eyes and freckles since I was a little girl. My tits are average, so in any other social setting they would not receive much attention, but remember who I hang out with. I was an athlete for a long time and that shape I had back then still is with me today but without much effort on my part to maintain it. I also seem to have been the only one to dress up for these conventions, nothing too risqué but a nice fitting dress to the mid-thigh and make up; but only a little blush and eye-liner. I should also mention that it has never been a secret that I am a gay woman, especially in my industry there isn't much to hide, but let's not make it the dinner conversation. Oh, who am I kidding? Who we sleep with is ALWAYS the dinner conversation in my field of study.
So, onto the next chapter in my life, let's fast forward up to about a month ago. I started teaching at a small liberal arts college, teaching everything from Introductory Psychology, Adolescent Psychology, and I even took over the class in my field of expertise in Human Sexuality. That class is my baby, and it's relatively new to the campus so the students are still buzzing about wanting to sign up for it. I have been teaching it quite differently compared to the previous professor, and I wanted to make it as equal as possible: half-women, half-men, multicultural, sexually diverse, etc. This class is meant to examine human sexual behavior across all cultures and orientations so, I did my best to have a small class of 16 represent that. I guess that's the researcher in me coming out. Randomize your control and experimental groups. Eliminate the variables. Sorry, where was I?
Ah, right, getting off track with the background information, so about a month ago was my last class for the fall semester, which means a new semester was coming and new students. I carefully picked my class and sent out a list of materials for them to purchase. There were a few bumps and bruises from the first semester so I made several changes to my lessons in order to improve my class for my new students. Those bumps and bruises were caused by the Registrar of the college, calling my class the "Sex Class". So, to the poor chosen students of the last semester who expected a "how-to" from the hot young professor, they were sorely disappointed and two-thirds of the class dropped out after 2 weeks. Needless to say, I had a chat with the Registrar.
The first day of the new semester is always an introductory day for you non-teachers who should know, but I wanted to look nice so I wore a pair of light gray slacks and a purple v-neck sweater. I wore my hair up in a bun, because when I get nervous I play with my hair and that is just distracting to everyone. I also wore my glasses, because well, my glasses make me look older and more mature. I am always a bundle of emotions on the first day. A mixture of nervousness and anticipation, hoping that this semester goes better than the first. I'm still a new professor and not many students know who I am, what I've accomplished in my research and so on.
Here we go, you can do this.
A little pep-talk before class begins is required.
My students walked in, first a small group of 3, then a fourth, another group of 5, then another group-
Okay, so that leaves only one missing, that's not bad for a first day,
I thought. A few minutes passed as the students got settled getting out their notebooks and pens, turning off their iPods and cell phones. I smiled and looked at everyone and I got a few smiles back, a few "hellos" and I was ready to begin.
My mouth was open and ready to release a charming one-liner about sex, which is must considering the material these students will be learning. I was caught mid-word when a student came storming in making a racket as she slams the door behind her and plowed her way around the desks to a seat up against the window. Music was blasting from her headphones and it was clear to me she might pose a few problems in the near future. First impressions are very important for you students out there, remember that.
This girl was about my height, jet black hair with celestial blue eyes and perfectly rounded nose. She was very slender and dressed very fashionably with an expensive looking tote bag on her arm and iPod headphones still in her ears. She took them out once she settled in her desk, no notebook or pen, just an empty desk. Her eyes never looked away from that window.
"Well, that certainly was an entrance," I said, stating the obvious and hoping to get a few laughs, in which I succeeded.
"Yea, sorry. Couldn't find this room" She explained.
"That's alright, you must be Kenzie Lee, right?" I asked as I found her name on my attendance sheet.
"Yea, that's me, doc" Kenzie replied, without even making eye-contact.
"Okay, great! Everyone is here, so let me get started by introducing myself..." I started as I started every class. I spent the majority of the class getting to know each student, and gave them an opportunity to share a bit about themselves. I also shared about my research and my background. I am open about my sexuality so when I shared that with the class I got a few reactions of disbelief and intrigued. Kenzie finally broke her stare from her desk and looked at me, which was unexpected and she must've seen the shocked look on my face. I admit, I am very used to looking at beautiful women because I was in a sorority back in the day and I've always had beautiful friends. I am confident in my looks so, I was never one to shy away from any stares, and truthfully I enjoyed them. But for some reason, looking at Kenzie, I suddenly felt insecure like I was naked up in front of the class or something.
That feeling came and went after a few seconds. I continued on going over all of my class rules and what my students can expect of me and the material. I could I tell that I was scaring a few of the younger students with the workload, others looked like they couldn't wait to get started. The only person I had a difficult time reading was Kenzie. She returned her focus back onto her desk and didn't once look in my direction for the remainder of the class.
I'm sure she just needs to get settled in, let's give her a week,
I told myself.
A few weeks had passed and we were getting beyond the basics of the anatomy and terminology often used in Sexology. Now, we were getting into the more interesting aspects of the field as we had many class discussions on vaginal circumcision, homosexuality, and recreational sex. I knew that this class was enjoying the discussions we had and many students participated. I was impressed that many of the students remained very composed and mature even thought they disagreed many times on the topics. This is what I was hoping to have the first time around. The discussions were in-depth and intriguing, and almost every student had an opinion. I know not many of you will understand but this is a professors dream. Students sharing their ideas and really digging into the material. I was elated, and my students would sometimes ask to continue the discussions during the next class because time had run out.
The only one who held back was Kenzie, she remained quiet throughout.
