'Doctor, doctor!' a clear voice rang out behind me just as I was attempting to leave the ward. I felt myself tense up: I was supposed to have left well over an hour ago, yet there was an endless stream of 'Just while you're here....' and 'Would you have a look at...' from the nurses and my day seemed to be stretching longer and longer. Finally I had managed to sort out every niggling problem, but just when it seemed all was clear and I could escape, I was being called back.
'What?' I snapped, and turned around, bristling. The nurse who had called me took a step back, surprised at the venom in my voice.
'What did you want?' I softened my tone, chastened by her consternation at upsetting me. It was Lisa; she was newly qualified, her nursing degree still bright and shiny and she had just started on the female medical ward. Full of energy and enthusiasm, it was hard not to notice her, but unfortunately her joie-de-vivre coincided with me going through the most miserable time I'd had in the last few years and her bounciness just irritated me.
'I saw the medical rota-I just wanted to say have a good weekend off,' she mumbled, clearly thinking that this was no longer a good idea.
And now I felt really guilty. She was a genuinely nice girl, and didn't deserve me snapping her head off.
'Thanks,' I smiled, 'I'm going to home to slob for the weekend.'
'I'm sorry I shouted.... it's just been a bad day,' I apologised.
'That's OK-the girls ask you to do everything because they know they'll be waiting ages for the on-call docs. You're too nice to say no,' she smiled back at me, then took off back to the nurses station, 'See you Monday!'
I live about 10 minutes drive from the hospital where I work; it's fairly central and handy for everything. It's a good-sized apartment I bought a while ago, and until recently I had shared it with my boyfriend Harry. We've been together 3 years, or rather; we were together 3 years before he took off with an empty headed bimbo with perky tits and a willingness to worship him. He took my long hours at work as a personal affront, believing that I should be at home looking after him, whilst all the time living off my income until his career as a photographer took off. The bimbo had been one of the models from his most recent contract, and it wasn't until our last incandescent argument that I found out she hadn't been the only one. So I threw him out, and I've been miserable ever since.
I miss him; not the moody silences, the vicious rows, the sulks that would last for days, the door slamming... OK, so I don't miss him, but I miss having someone around, having someone to cuddle. And I miss the sex.
I poured myself a large gin and tonic and waited for the takeaway pizza to arrive. Then I sat like a zombie in front of the TV, mindlessly channel hopping but I couldn't concentrate or settle. I knew what I needed, and he wasn't here.
I thought a hot bath might settle me, but by the time I was ready for bed, the alcohol singing in my head, my need was growing.
Lying in bed, my mind conjuring up images of him, I couldn't resist any longer. I reached down with my hands and started caressing my breasts, cupping them and rolling the nipples between my fingers. I'd put on weight since Harry had gone, eating for comfort and probably drinking a little too much than was good for me, but luckily most of it had settled on my breasts, now full and luscious, smooth and soft to touch. It felt good, my nipples were erect, straining, wanting his mouth on them sucking and biting.
I trailed my fingers down over my stomach to my pussy. My fingers probed gently and I found the warmth of my slit-it was already wet but that's what the thought of him did to me. Slowly I drew my fingers over my pussy lips, my middle finger dipping into my cunt to feel the juices gathering in there. My clit began to throb and I started to rub it gently, drawing back the hood that hid it, feeling it expand and tingle. It wasn't as good as his hand or tongue, but I felt the pressure begin to build. I parted my pussy lips with my other hand, and felt my clit and cunt stretch and tighten. I lightly flicked just the tip of my clit, and shivered in anticipation.
My cunt was crying out for attention, so I reached down and slowly pushed a finger inside, feeling the warmth and depth of my sex-one finger wasn't enough though. I was so used to his cock, my pussy stretched to fullness by him that I needed more than a finger to give me the same feeling. I pushed in another, the two fingers moving together-it still wasn't enough and I added a third.
It was good, but I wanted more-I couldn't thrust as deep as he did, and I remembered all those times when he had driven his cock into me, deep and hard, searching out the depth of my pussy, triggering sensations deep within the heart of me. I longed for him, imagining him on top of me, my body feeling the weight of his, my legs parting under the inexorable pressure of him, welcoming his invasion deep into my warmth.
I reached under the bed to the box where I kept my toys and found the dildos. Harry had loved to watch me play with myself. Sexually, he had me completely sussed. During the day, I was professional, having to take charge and to give orders; at home I wanted to give up that control to someone else. I wanted some one else to take charge, to make the decisions, to give me orders that I would obey. And one of the orders that Harry had always insisted on was that I show him and tell him what I wanted; he loved to watch me masturbate, to see how I pleasured myself and to tell him what I wanted to do to me.
When we had first met, I found it very difficult to tell him what I liked, but over time, I had become used to begging with him, pleading with him to do things to me that I had previously never articulated: I found this so incredibly erotic, and my mind now dwelt on all those acts his wishes and orders had driven me too, and which I wanted to do for him.
I choose a dildo, one of the large ones with a broad rigid head. I wanted to imagine that he was here with me watching me dildo myself. Stopping suddenly, I climbed off the bed to pull my full-length bedroom mirror over to the end of the bed so I could see myself. I positioned it at the foot of the bed where I got a view of my full pussy and ass-is that what you saw when you were fucking me? I thought to myself. The dildo was large but I was so needy and so wet that it slipped into me with ease. I pushed it in slowly, swallowing its 8 inches.
I switched it on and it started to vibrate deep in my pussy-I felt the head rotating pushing on my cunt walls, driving me crazy. With my left hand I kept the dildo in place; my right was working frantically at my clit. I rubbed at it, encircling it with my fingertips, flicking and pinching, trying to do what he had done that made me so horny. I felt my orgasm rising-but I didn't want to come, I was enjoying this too much. I stopped playing with my clit and brought my fingers to my mouth-I could smell my arousal, the sharp scent of my juices. I licked my fingers clean and pretended I was feeding my cum to him.
I reached for another dildo-this time the double headed one. I'd never used this by myself-it really took two to play with, but I wanted to pretend that I had his cock in my ass and a dildo in my pussy. I was still full with the vibrator, and I kept that in. I pushed a finger in besides it to moisten it-I needed lube for this but I was producing enough of my own. I reached further down and felt for my tight ass, guided by the sight of my hand in the mirror. Slowly I started to finger myself-it was so tight but I gradually forced in a finger, and gasped with pleasure. I've always loved this, as he well knew, and gradually I eased my ass open. My pelvis started to move, and I was ass fucking myself, pushing down on my finger, wanting more and more.
I raised my head and I could see what I was doing to myself in the mirror-I was so horny for him I imagined that he was here watching me and I was putting on a show for him. It was time for the dildo now, and I removed the vibrator from my cunt. My juices were dripping from it, and I ran my tongue around the bulbous tip, imagining that I was sucking him off.