The letter from her mother put Jennifer in such a foul mood that I just stayed away from her, focusing on homework and keeping the house clean. I tried to talk to her about it but just once. If she had been a dog, I really think she might have bitten me.
I was reading over one of my assignments in the recliner when she came over to take it away from me. When I reached up to take it back, she was looking down at me with such a sweet, loving expression, I almost cried. She knelt down beside me and took my hand in hers.
"I'm sorry, Danni," she said. "It's nothing you did or said. I'm just not handling the letter right. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."
I knew that this had to end soon or our relationship would be in jeopardy. I couldn't let her mother to destroy us without even being there.
"Listen to me, Jenn," I said. "I know you're hurting right now, but you can't let your mother do this to you. You've got to be the one to take charge of the relationship with your mother."
"I know," she said. "It's just that you don't know my mom. She will never, ever, accept us. She's so damned judgmental."
"So don't tell her about me," I said. "Just tell her you're renting a room from a family to save money."
"It's so strange, Danni, but I swear, she knows every time I lie to her or hold out on her."
"Then you have to decide how much to tell her and how you're going to tell her," I said.
"It's not that simple," she said.
"Honey, yes it is. You're making it much harder than it has to be. You either tell her about us or you tell her you can't talk about it, one or the other. If you're going to tell her, then you need to be firm, but not mean, and tell her in such a way that she knows nothing she says is going to change your mind. If she can't accept you for what and who you are, nothing is going to change that."
"You're lucky," she said. "Your mom is an angel. You can talk to her about anything. Not my mom. My older sister hasn't been home in years. They talk on the phone all the time and they get along great, but if Mom goes after her about something, she just hangs up."
"Bingo," I said.
"What do you mean, Bingo," she asked.
"Your sister and your mother get along because they don't come face to face. Your sister knows she can hang up at any time so she doesn't feel threatened. Instead of worrying about how things will go if you go home, call her. Find out why she wants you to come home, then you can choose what to say or what not to say. If she starts on you, tell her you won't talk to her if she won't listen, and if she won't, then you hang up."
"I think I might call my sister first," she said. "I want her to know anyway before she hears it from Mom or someone else."
"Use the phone in our room," I said. "I promise not to listen in."
"I love you," she said, leaning over to take my face in her hands to kiss me."
"I love you too, Jenn," I said, "Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself but don't allow yourself to lose control of the conversation. If you think you're losing control of it, hang up, wait a few minutes and call her back.
"What if she won't talk to me?" she asked.
"Then you wait a day or two and try again. Sooner or later she'll realize that you've been talking to your sister and she can't control you any more."
I hurt for her when she turned to go make the calls. I'd tried to simplify things but the truth is, I knew that one or both of them was going to get hurt in one way or another. I could only hope that any pain could be taken away with time or lots of love.
When she came back into the room, her face was not a happy one.
"What can I do, honey," I asked.
"Just hold me," she said.
She didn't want to cry but eventually, she had to give in. I just held her and continually told her it was going to be all right and that she should stop crying.
"I need to get out of here for a while," she said.
"I'll be right here waiting when you come back," I said.
When I heard the door close, I allowed myself to cry, not for me, but for her. Knowing that I could do nothing to relieve the pain she felt left me with a deep hole in my heart. I'd never been in a situation like that and it made me appreciate my mother even more.
I went to our bath and put out our best, fluffiest and biggest towels. Putting some of my Exotica bath gel and shampoo on the ledge, I added some of our favorite oils and lotions and lit two vanilla candles.
Then I made a sign to be placed on the table in a way she couldn't miss it.
"SILENCE!" It said. "Please observe our no talking rule. You are to go to your room immediately without speaking until you are told."
I know my lover well enough to know that she'd know something is up but she'd do it anyway, so I waited until I heard the car in the drive before I ran the tub full of hot water.
She walked into the room and into my arms where she was met with a rain of tender kisses as I started undressing her. When she started to say something, I silenced her with more kisses. When she was naked, I ushered her into the tub and once she was settled in, I dropped my robe to show her that I too was naked. She tried to get me into the tub with her but I wasn't ready to do that yet. I had her lean forward while I washed her beautiful hair, slowly, and lovingly sliding my fingers through it. While she was still leaning forward, I drizzled bath oil over her back and massaged her shoulders and neck before I let her lean back again. I finally got in and pulled her back to lay her head on my chest as I leaned back as far as I could go. Thank heavens my mom and dad love what they call soaking tubs. With the water up to her neck, we just lay there without speaking, letting the hot water soak into our bodies.
"Whenever you feel stressed and worried, Jenn, I want you to remember the feeling you have right this second, and go there in your mind. Don't let anything else in there with you, just remember the warmth and peace of this moment. This is your world and no one can enter without your permission."
Instead of replying, she just snuggled deeper into me and looped her fingers through mine in a way that said she loved me.
It wasn't until the water chilled that we left that world. I toweled her dry without any sexual overtures and wrapped her hair in a towel. Leading her to the bed, I laid her down with her head in my lap where I removed the towel to let wet hair caress my bare legs. I took my fingertips and closed her eyes as I reached for the hair brush to gently brush her hair into smooth, loose strands. When I kissed her forehead, she opened her eyes and mouthed "I love you."
"I know," I said, "and I love you too.
"I wish we could just run away," she finally said. "Maybe find an oasis in the middle of the desert with no phones, no nothing; just you and I."
"So let's do it," I said.
"Don't be ridiculous," she said.