Sangitta managed to compose herself in time for her parents coming home. She had dinner with them. She thought of going to the park that night but she decided that she ought to hit the books instead. When dinner was finished she helped her mother to tidy up and then she went to her room and got her books out. She did some studying but soon her mind began to wander.
She thought about the conversation she had undertaken with Julie. Could she really be a lesbian? She had to find out for herself and she had to form a plan of how she was going to do this. She started to form a plan in her head and by the end of the next hour she had the plan sorted out in her head. She put her books in her bag ready for tomorrow at college. She got herself ready for bed and waited for her mother to come in and say goodnight.
While she waited she picked up a book and tried to read but her mind was not on reading tonight so she put the book down and just waited for her mother to come in. She began to get nodding dog syndrome and was ready to go to sleep when she heard her door open and her mother stepped in. She looked lovingly at her daughter but she also knew her daughter and could tell that something was on her mind.
She stepped forward and kissed her daughter on the forehead and then she spoke which was unusual for her mother.
"Is there something bothering you Sangitta?" She asked.
Sangitta looked lovingly at her mother. She was a fantastic mother and Sangitta admired the way she held down her job but also maintained the house and if the noises she heard at night were anything to go by she still pleased her husband. She was so Un Indian like yet still maintained her Indian values and she did not think that she could talk to her mother about the issues that were going on in her mind.
"It's okay mum I have just having some personal issues but I think that I am getting on top of them. I just need to do one more thing and then I think I will have sorted it out."
"Okay darling." Her mother said.
"You know where I am if you ever need to chat no matter what it might me about."
As her mother turned to leave Sangitta began to blush. She felt like her mother had just seen into her soul and found out her secret and it was a secret no more. The door was quietly closed and Sangitta was left with her thoughts. She had to decide on which man she could get to make love to her. It had to be someone who was not part of the Indian community but was experienced enough that she could learn what it was like to be made love to by a man.
She toyed with several men but she came up with no-one. She decided to leave that one until tomorrow. As was now her routine she took her nightie and knickers off and dropped them to the floor. She placed her hands between her legs for comfort and tried to get to sleep. Just as she began to drift off the Indian woman came to her but this time she looked different.
Sangitta watched as the Indian woman moved to the top of the bed and pulled back the duvet and climbed in next to her. The woman began to cuddle her but this time she groped her breasts tenderly and whispered in her ear.
"I love you Sangitta." She said.
The words sent a shiver down Sangitta's spine and she could not help herself she turned to face the older Indian woman and began to talk to her.
"What do they call you?" She asked.
"You can call me Indira." Said the older woman.
Indira that was a lovely name Sangitta thought but this was not going to distract her. She had questions that she needed answering. She thought carefully about her next question for Indira.
"Are you a lesbian?" She asked.
She listened as Indira began to laugh at her.
"No Sangitta I am not a lesbian. I am an educator and over the years I have entered the dreams of many people both male and female."
"So why are you here with me?" Sangitta asked.
Indira was quiet for a moment and then she began to speak.
"I have a job that I have to do. In society not everyone is the same. Our culture expects that boys and girls grow up and marry each other and go on to produce children so that the family line can be carried on. It is a rite of passage that we are all expected to go through. However sometimes in life that is not what happens and people find that they do not want to go with a member of the opposite sex."
"They find that they attracted to members of the same sex and according to our teachings that is so wrong and can never to be allowed. They blame it on the influence of the Western culture and ship particularly girls back to India where they are forced to marry and they are never seen in this country again and they live unhappy lives."
"Now I know that you are one of these people that are struggling with their sexuality. I have my eye on all Indian boys and girls and I saw what happened with Julie and how much you enjoyed yourself and there is nothing wrong with that and I am here tonight to show you what it may be like to make love to make love to a man."
"I know that Julie used what she called a strap-on with you but she was tender and caring as she tried to seduce. She has now revealed to you that she is a lesbian and this has pique your interest further because you now feel that you have to go with a man to prove to yourself that things are alright. Well Sangitta it is my job to guide you through the path that choose to lead."
Sangitta tossed and turned in her sleep and realised that she was drifting between reality and fantasy and could not decide what world she wanted to be in. She could feel herself sweating despite the fact that she was naked in her bed. She could briefly hear herself talking to Indira even though she was only in her dream.
She woke up with a start and tried to compose herself. She picked up her book again but she was obvious that she too much on her mind to concentrate on the book. She was being asked by Indira about her sexuality and she did not know what to do. She decided to get up and have herself a bath.
As quietly as she could she went to the bathroom and began to run the bath. Once it was run she stepped in and tried to relax. As she laid there the door opened and her mother walked in. She did not mind this fact. Her mother would often still bathe her when she was asked.
Her mother looked at her daughter and could see the redness in her eyes. It was obvious to her that Sangitta had not slept well at all and had something big on her mind and she obviously needed someone to talk to and she hoped that it would be her that she talked to.
Sangitta looked at her mother and it all just came out. She told her all about Julie and all about Indira and the thoughts that she was having her sexuality and then she sat back in the bath and waited for the expected tirade from mother. Instead her mother stood up and sat down on the floor next to her in the bath and began to speak.
"Sangitta you must know that both your father and I are quite liberal when it comes to our faith. We practice our beliefs and yet we have never forced them on you. We know about your secret hiding place and we know that you smoke and drink but we also know that you are in a different culture to which we were brought up."
"You may have noticed that there has not been a queue of families lining up with young men trying to palm you off on them for marriage. We made it clear in the community that you were not up for barter and that when the time was right you would make your own decision. As I can tell you are obviously struggling with your sexuality. If it would help I can tell you that me and your father would not disown you if you were a lesbian but you may have to leave the family home and find your own place."
"That is not because you would dishonour us but because the community would not understand and would attack our house and we as your parents would not deserve that. Can I give you a few rules? Her mother said.
"Yes." Said Sangitta.
"You do not make love to anyone in this house whether it be male or female. You are discreet about what you do and you protect the family at all times. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Sangitta said.
With that her mother left her alone and Sangitta bathed herself. It was still early and she had hours to go before college. She went back to her room and rested on her bed and drifted back to sleep. As she drifted off the towel dropped away again and she was naked again. This time she allowed Indira to come to her and that made Sangitta smile. She was cuddled to sleep and had was more settled in her head of what her plan was.
Over the next couple of weeks nothing special happened. She would speak to Julie as a friend and make it obvious that she had not made her mind up yet and that's she would be the first to know when she did. Then one day she got pulled aside and was told about a party that was going to be held.
