Sadie

Introduction

This entry is long overdue. It's also my longest entry to date. Here's why....

Alex and I spent much of 2023 going through several rounds of IVF without any success and, by Christmas of that year, we'd pretty much given up on trying for a second child. In my mind, I'd accepted that Theo would be my first and last child, and that was it. The Lottery that is life, I guess.

However, in January 2024, we received a call from our specialist. He'd been reviewing our case notes and discovered an interesting feature.

"You have a kink," he said.

"Just one? What about all of the whips and the chains and the bondage straps?"

There was a pause at the end of the line whilst the Good Doctor tried to make sense of that last sentence.

"Extra-curricular interests aside," he said, smiling. "You may have a kink in the entrance to your womb..."

"A 'kink'? What do you mean?"

"I've seen this feature before and it's rare but, yes, you appear to have a kink. And maybe we've found the reason why conception has proved so difficult. It's possible the sperm can't get past the obstruction."

"Okay," I said. "What does this mean?"

"It means that, armed with this knowledge, we'd like to try again," said the Doctor. "We still have two embryos in reserve and we can start you off straight away."

We went through one last round of fertility treatment and, by the end of March, I was pregnant.

This is what happened next...

Enter Sadie...

By the end of April 2024 I was already tired to the point of exhaustion and with seven months to go before Junior #2 put in an appearance, I just couldn't see a way forward. Even though Alex and I would happily share most of the housework, I just wasn't able to cope with the constant round of cooking, child care, building maintenance and, of course, my day job. To make matters worse, Alex had been offered a very lucrative position in Europe and, if he took the post then I'd be without his help for most of the summer and probably the early autumn, too.

Having insisted that we would never have another House Keeper again - the experience with Alice taught us a valuable lesson - we decided that we really did need another person to help out after all. We sent out invitations to the usual employment agencies and quickly settled on a lovely lady, Sadie. She was a good choice for several of reasons not least of which was because she'd just celebrated her sixtieth birthday so we knew she was sensible and mature, and I was certain that a more mature lady might encourage my husband to keep his dick in his pants for once. Read my past missives for further details on that score.

Sadie quickly became an essential feature of our household. We soon discovered that she had a warm, friendly personality and a fantastic sense of humour, and I liked her from the start. Best of all, she didn't suffer fools gladly, if at all, and she certainly didn't put up with any of my husband's bullshit.

By July, I was starting to look and feel very pregnant. My day job coupled with a heavy workload had taken its toll and I ended up missing a few deadlines simply because I felt too tired to continue. My Doctor took one look at my blood pressure and insisted that I had to stop working immediately. I quit my day job an hour later.

In time, Sadie and I became close and, when Alex announced that he was relocating to Latvia for a couple of months to head up a new factory build, we became closer still. I think both Sadie and I felt rather abandoned, frankly.

Sadie was a breath of fresh air. She wasn't an unrepentant exhibitionist like Alice and neither was she a chisel-jawed Iron Maiden like Kaz. She was calm and reserved, and didn't do anything that I'd class as 'stupid stuff', the way Alice did, and neither did her baggage manifest itself so obviously the way it did with Kaz.

[For those curious about Alice and Kaz - Alice was our housekeeper for several years whilst she finished her Doctorate. She was also a sex-obsessed exhibitionist and it became commonplace to walk into the kitchen and find Alice wearing nothing but a Digestive biscuit. I won't say anything about Kaz. You came hear to read some sexy vibes and... Kaz was a total buzzkill, frankly... ]

Evenings at home were the most fun. With the swimming pool up and running once again, and my neighbour Charlotte a near constant visitor, the watering hole became our go-to place for winding down. Sadie and Charlotte would be on the wine, I'd be on the mineral water.

Even though I was missing my husband, I still regard this period as one of the happiest I've known in several years. Warm and comfortable, and the perfect place to call home. The vibe, the feeling, the atmosphere was simply gorgeous.

An energy soon developed between Sadie and I. From the outset, I'd been determined to keep my distance because I didn't want to loose Sadie over a silly lover's quarrel. However, Sadie quickly became more than our housekeeper. She became a friend and we soon began to drift into a very deep, very personal connection.

British readers will almost certainly remember that once-in-a-generation storm, Arwen, which pummelled the country back in December 2021. Hurricane-force winds almost ripped our roof off and whilst our builders had long since fixed the failed roof supports, they'd also left one hell of a mess in their wake.

In it's former life, the attic void had been an artist's studio and still boasts an array of large and impressive windows which run right along the southern face. I was keen to remake that space as a music studio and, if that didn't work, it would be an improved playroom for Theo.

With Theo out for the day and my husband running around Europe, we had the house to ourselves. Sadie and I kitted ourselves out in a pair of deeply unattractive Boiler suits - we looked like extras from Orange is the new Black - and got on with the business of making the attic habitable again. Whilst lifting anything heavier than a postage stamp was a definite no-no where I was concerned, Sadie was happy to take care of the more bulky items and, eight or nine hours later, we were finished. The space was habitable again.

Poor Sadie. Every muscle in her body was groaning. I left her to relax in front of the TV whilst I ran a bath and supervised dinner. Seemed only fair because she'd done the bulk of the lifting work.

Twenty minutes later, I went to check on the bath and I was more than a little surprised to find Sadie already submerged and pretty much asleep. She came to her senses and apologised at once, insisting that she hadn't intended to leave the dinner to me. I just smiled. We'd done a good day's work. I sat myself down on the side of the bath and we casually chatted until Sadie suggested that I might like to slide in next to her. Say what? Slide in next to her? Really?

Yeah, I know. I said I wasn't going to do this but...

It's a big bath and I was certainly in the mood for some close contact so... I ran the taps for a couple of minutes before I stripped off and...

... slid into the water next to her..

Sadie shifted herself a little so that I would have more room and... Wow... She was a joy to behold - big, (if slightly droopy) boobs (who am I to talk?), a lovely waist and wide hips. The view, coupled with the sensation of someone else's skin next to my own after so long, was intense.

Now, whilst we didn't actually get down to a full blown ass-in-the-air girl-on-girl romp, we did spend an age talking and then, when the water had cooled, we washed each other down with a coarse flannel and a lot of soap. That, my friend, was beyond sexy. That was intense. The feeling of another person literally and figuratively wiping away the sins of the day, of the water running over my shoulders, over my breasts, down my swelling belly, and of returning the favour for her... that was... so intimate... that I'm genuinely trembling as I write. I'd have jumped on her then and there, had I not been terrified of rejection.

Our relationship definitely changed from then on. We were no longer employer/employee. We were intimate friends and in a very deep sense, too.

Yes, that was definitely the start of something special.

Sadie and I soon fell into the habit of spending at least an hour a day talking through our respective problems, either sitting at the breakfast table or outside in the garden. I'm a good listener, despite what some may say, but Sadie really opened up as we began to trust each other more and more, and, as girls do, we began to share.

Confessions

What follows is a distillation of several month's worth of conversations. I've changed the names to save some folk a lot of embarrassment.

"With hindsight," said Sadie. "I should have realised that Fred was still of an age where he was interested in women. He was fifty five and I was forty eight when this kicked off. Worse, I was going through the change and I really couldn't be bothered with any of his fantasy rubbish anymore. I had the kids, now grown-up, and they all had families and lives of their own to figure out. Fred just wanted to be twenty all over again and that meant sex. He pestered me constantly. However, I felt ugly, fat and unwanted. I really didn't want him near me.

"We went on holiday together and fought constantly. He wanted to run around all hours with these bright young things who were half our age. I just wanted to read a book by the pool. He'd be on the beach flirting with girls who were younger than our daughters. Someone should've told him that Speedos and a Pot Belly are not a good mix.

"My doctor realised I was not in a good place and suggested HRT. I hated it. Just awful. My relationship with Fred deteriorated to the point where we hardly spoke and I'm certain it was around then that Fred started seeking out an affair.

"I knew he was cheating on me. I just couldn't prove it. He'd come home smelling of faintly of beer and perfume, and condoms, and he always had an excuse. He'd given one of the office girls a lift home or something like that. Yeah, but I know the smell of spermicide a mile off. He had a second phone, which he said was work-related but he always kept the screen locked and he never let me see what was going on. A sure sign...

"In an effort to get back at him, I started looking around. I even went on a clandestine date with one guy, Niels. Then I found my ex-boyfriend, Brian, on a dating app and I started to fantasise about the time we were together. I wondered if I should contact him. I didn't and for obvious reasons."

Curious, I pressed her further.

Brian

"My first serious relationship was with Brian. Before him, I had a brief, make that very brief, fling with a girl, Laura. I met her at summer school. She was nice but a bit, let's say... She wasn't going to win Mastermind any time soon. However, we bonded and ended up having a snog and then a quick naughty on her bed but it's not something I recall with any kind of affection or enthusiasm. I just remember she was keen to get me naked and once that had happened, she didn't really know what to do. Same here, I suppose. I hadn't got much of a clue back then."

"I met Brian at University and... we clicked. We were a good couple, in the main, but Brian was a complicated man, very passionate, very motivated and largely driven by some deeply primal urges, I think because his family were not very nice human beings. They were always belittling him, knocking him down, just to raise themselves up, and they affected his behaviour profoundly.

"Sex with Brian was always energetic but short-lived," said Sadie. "We first had sex at his mother's house. He'd sneak me through the front door late at night, usually whilst she was watching TV, and we'd kiss and cuddle but go no further. I'd skulk off home the following morning feeling very frustrated because I really wanted sex. Then, one morning, we woke early and started... making love. You know, proper 'making love'. None of the fumbling around wondering what to do next. His dick was up against my belly, pressing hard on my bladder, and... I couldn't wait any longer.

"Go on...Put it in,"
I whispered.

"Forgive me for being blunt but I opened my legs, let him slide into place and plop. I wasn't a virgin anymore. Just like that. It hurt and I bled a lot but I remember looking down and there was a nice big cock poking into me. Brian just sat up, his face completely rigid. He kept staring at his dick buried in my pussy and he started to shake. I mean proper shaking.

I rocked my hips back and forth a bit a couple of times and then wrapped my legs around his waist so I could better feel his cock inside me but he quickly stopped me and whispered 'Can I come?'

"I nodded. He pulled a weird, weird face and... That was it. I felt his balls twitch and his calves spasm, and he'd come inside me. Even Brian was surprised.

"Of course, every damned time we tried to do it thereafter, his Mum would be at the door, listening."

'Have you got a woman in there?" she'd demand and Brian would shout "No! I haven't!"

"She'd yell back something like 'Well, stop playing with yourself, you dirty little pervert! The neighbours will hear you and what will they think? They already think you're a fucking deviant. Leave your cock alone, you dirty little bastard. "

"It was hard not to laugh at that, and I did. Of course, that set his mother off again. "You have got a woman in there, haven't you? Is it that dirty little slut? You'll get her pregnant and then you'll never be rid of her. I'm not bringing up any of your bastards..."

"Even when Brian and I had been seeing each other for a year, she still thought I was just a cheap tart after his money. She might have had a point if Brian had any money but he didn't. They were flat broke and living off Social. I stayed over one night and was in their shower cleaning myself down the following morning when his Mother barged into the shower room. She took one look at me, really up close and said something horrid -

"You're just a skinny little nothing. No tits. No arse. I wonder what the fuck he sees in you?"

"She looked down at my belly and at the mass of hair spreading over my belly. "Just look at your filthy, dirty sex. Do you not have a razor?"

"I was terrified and stayed away from that house as much as possible..."

"Anyway, Brian and I both left University with reasonable degrees but, because this was the early eighties, there were very few jobs around. Eventually, we found work, he as a Lab Technician at a school, me as a trainee IT manager in a factory. We both brought in a decent wage and life was, for a time anyway, fairly sweet so long as you didn't let his family get too close.*

"My job was good. I learned a lot but Brian's job, and the people he was working with, were very toxic. Once he was inside their culture, his entire life spiralled into a huge angry, sex-fuelled mess.

"Back then, I had my own flat. I took in a lodger, a student from the Balkans named Tanya, simply because I was short of cash. Tanya planned on staying until she had a job and a place of her own but, six weeks later, she'd made no effort to find either. I didn't mind - she was good company - but Brian? He didn't like her. He was jealous and made no secret of the fact. Tanya didn't help. She was an outrageous flirt and would pad around the flat in front of him wearing as little as possible. She came on to me a couple of times, suggested we should get down to business but I didn't really fancy her all that much. Brian came around one night whilst Tanya was in the bath. Hardly suspecting that she was there - so he said, anyway - he marched into the bathroom to take a piss and came face to face with Tanya partially submerged. She was so hairy down there that he thought she had a pair of knickers on. He was unbearable for a while after that experience.

"The whole Tanya thing came to a messy end though that wasn't Brian's fault at all. I don't blame him for blowing his top. Tanya went out with her friends one afternoon so Brian and I took advantage of the empty flat and we screwed like a pair of bunnies. Tanya came back earlier than expected - complete with three or four of her friends - and Brian and I were suddenly faced with an invasion. They stomped into the bedroom where Brian and I were still half asleep and pretty dishevelled following a really good session bumping uglies, and they took the piss out of Brian and his shrunken dick without really thinking through the consequences. Brian was livid. He made the most awful scene. Tanya moved out the following day and I never heard from her again."

"After a year or so, Brian and I had enough saved to put down a deposit on a small house, a modest two-up, two down semi-detached not far from his Mum, who had, through a series of misadventures, become more and more dependent on Brian for help. Brian and I moved in together and I genuinely thought we'd be happier. I was wrong. It was like living with a teenage boy. He was always angry about something, always shouting at someone down the phone. I had a hard time living up to his expectations and his demands.

"Brian started bringing home a lot of porn, mostly crappy VHS tapes that were maybe third or fourth generation copies. The quality was awful. He'd mostly watch them on his own before coming up to bed. I didn't see the appeal, frankly. Why sit and watch two (or three, or four) strangers having sex when you could come upstairs and get the real thing? That said, I was still curious and, when Brian wasn't around, I'd stick a tape in the machine and watch. I genuinely didn't have much of a clue about sex.

"'Pretty Peaches' was the first porn movie I ever saw and... Wow! I realised what I was missing. That was a revelation. I suddenly knew what 'sex' looked like. There was more to the act than just Brian sticking his dick in me. Yeah, we'd tried oral and we'd tried a few different positions, mostly whilst we were drunk, but they weren't fixtures in our sexual repertoire. Here was 'Peaches' getting fucked by several guys at once, and one or two ladies I think. Sex took place out in a forest or in somebody else's house and not just in one bed, in one position.

"But sex with women? Yeah, I'd dabbled and was curious but... Wow. Here was something different. Sex without condoms? Sex without getting a sore pussy? Sex without worrying about getting pregnant? This movie was like a 'permission slip'.

"After watching 'Pretty Peaches' I went upstairs to our bedroom, stripped off my clothes and took a good long look at myself, as a person, as a human being, as a sexual creature and, frankly, I liked what I saw. It was as if a light had gone on. I looked good. Big curvy boobs with that cute little uplift, a narrow waist, rounded hips and a lovely bum, all atop some nice long legs. Yeah, I suddenly realised I liked myself. I was sexy. That was a very decisive moment, when you come to terms with the fact that you're a sexual person in your own right, and you don't need a man and his dick to define you. I kinda looked at Brian in a different way after that, and not in a good light either. I was certain I could do better... Would do better..."

"I wanted more out of life. I started reading more and more of those crappy self-help books. They were circulating at work and implied that I could have anything I wanted so long as I worked hard. That wasn't the case in practice. I'd do the work and get the results but I'd be overlooked for promotions and special jobs. I asked why and the general consensus was that I was with Brian, and therefore wasn't sufficiently mobile. Managers certainly wanted women in the workplace but they also wanted someone they could move around from facility to facility, country to country, and I couldn't do that because I had a house and a mortgage. I had a Brian.