The week after Erin's blunder was worse than she could ever imagine. Now it was quite obvious that Shannon wasn't exactly angry, but that she was very hurt by Erin's rejection. There were no new girls brought back to the room though, something that Erin was profoundly grateful for even though it made her feel even worse in some ways. Her own heart was in turmoil, not knowing what she wanted or whether she wanted it...
Was it just that she was still influenced by the idiocies and bigotries of her small town? She'd thought that she'd grown out of that at this much more open-minded college, in fact that was one of the things that she liked about this place. People could be who they were instead of trying to always pretend they were something else, someone else. There were the people who poked and teased, but they were the minority here. In fact, a lot of the people here looked down on them for being so narrow-minded.
Deep down, was she one of those narrow-minded people? When she looked at her behavior since getting to school, she could see almost clear cut signs that she was more attracted to girls than boys... was that something that she still thought she should be ashamed of? Right when she'd had the chance to fulfill her fantasies from the past couple months, she'd pulled away. That wasn't really something to be proud of, because she knew that it was something she wanted. If she didn't want it she wouldn't have been thinking about it all the time.
So why couldn't she go for what she wanted? Why had she freaked?
About the only question she knew the answer to was why it hurt her so much to see Shannon hurting. And she knew that she'd done it, that it was her fault. Of all the ways to be unsure about her sexuality, that had to be the worst. She'd actually hurt someone that she really cared about, and not just in a romantic kind of way. Shannon had been her first friend here, the first person to try and drag her out of her shell... and she'd repaid her by freaking out when it was something she'd actually wanted.
Erin wanted to bang her head against her desk. To make matters worse, Shannon was talking to her even less than they had after Erin had caught Shannon and Christie having sex. And whenever Shannon did talk to her it was in a quiet kind of way, almost as though she was afraid of suffering another rejection. Erin didn't know how to make things better, she wasn't brave enough to just step forward and kiss Shannon, and she wasn't even sure if that was what Shannon wanted. With things the way they were, she also didn't feel comfortable bringing up her thoughts about her sexuality with her roommate. So instead they were pretty much avoiding each other, although Erin couldn't stop trying to think of ways to make things better. It was driving her crazy.
One night she was lying in bed, just thinking... she kept turning her head to look at Shannon's still form under the covers. Erin's mind drifted back to the night that Shannon had come home drunk and had sex while Erin was just a few feet away... whether or not Shannon had ever realized. Suddenly, before she even really knew what she was doing, Erin was tossing back the covers and walking over towards Shannon's bed.
With her heart pounding in her chest, Erin looked down at her sleeping roommate, the moonlight playing across Shannon's features. Moving slowly, carefully, she peeled the covers back. Shannon's nightshirt had ridden up to her hips. Gently, Erin began to pull Shannon's underwear off... the sleeping girl shifted in her sleep and sighed. Freezing for a moment, Erin watched for any signs of Shannon waking... she didn't know how to explain their current positions because she wasn't even sure what she was doing. When Shannon didn't move, Erin finished pulling her underwear off and looked down at the bared pussy.
