"Mmmm," Lisa said, nuzzling her lips deeper into Sarah's neck. Though taller and stronger than her girlfriend, Lisa found a great satisfaction in curling up in her arms. Sarah's soft, curvaceous body was full of warmth and security.
"Y'know," Sarah said, idly stroking Lisa's hair, "Maybe you should call her back."
Lisa's eyes flew open. The early morning light was filtering in through the blinds of their bedroom. They'd moved into an apartment building for the new school year. It was small, only three stories, as this rural midwestern town was sustained only by the college and local farmers. However, it's great selling point was that it catered exclusively to alternative lifestyles. In what was still a fairly conservative town, having a place where LGBT college students could feel safe and be out was a must. It was low-key, only really known to those already in the life.
"Why should I call her back?" Lisa asked warily.
They were speaking of a phone call from the previous night. Lisa's ex, Clarice, had called out of the blue. Lisa hadn't been able to believe the audacity of it, and had hung up on her, flat out. Clarice had been her girlfriend for two years in high school, and her best friend for two years before that. Then, a week after graduation, as Lisa was naively planning their life together, she'd come home to find her little brother on the couch, with Clarice fucking his brains out.
"The bitch doesn't deserve a second chance," Lisa said angrily.
"That's why you should call her back, right there," Sarah said, punctuating it with a quick kiss. "It's been over a year and you're still so angry at her. You need to put it behind you; get some closure. And I think a good way to do that might be to tell her how hurt you were."
"Well, I wouldn't mind telling her off..."
"Try to be nice. If shouting about it was gonna make you feel better, you'd be over it by now."
"Fine, fine."
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The next day, Lisa sat in their living room, looking at the number on the caller ID box. It was Clarice's cell phone number, still the same one she'd had in high school, and it brought back so many memories. It used to be that she could have called that number, and, no questions asked, they'd be together, seeing a movie, having a meal, or having each other. This phone call would be so different.
Sarah had gone to class, and afterwards, she was going to help some friends move. Thierry, Lily, and Molly, the couple's closest friends. They'd gotten them an in to the building when a place opened up. Lisa liked hanging out with them mostly because it made her feel a little more normal. Sure, she was a dyke, but Lily and Molly were twin sisters, dating the same boy, and each other. Frankly, Lisa didn't know how they managed.
Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone and dialed Clarice's number.
"Hello?" came the voice that used to make Lisa's knees weak. A voice still so sweet and girlie that it transported Lisa right back to high school.
"Clarice," Lisa said. "We need to talk." She tried to make her voice sound flat and demanding, but she was to nervous even just to be talking to her again.
"Oh, thank god you called back!" Clarice said. "Yes, we should talk. D'you wanna meet me at the Starbucks?"
"Clarice," Lisa said, genuinely annoyed. "I'm at college now. I'm not in Tennessee."
"Neither am I. I actually came up here."
Lisa was speechless.
"So why don't you meet me at Starbucks? I don't even have to say which one because, well, god this town is small."
"Yeah, sure." Lisa said, dumbfounded.
She hung up and then gathered some things absentmindedly into her purse, and put on her shoes. She scribbled a quick, vague note for Sarah about going out and being back later. She told herself that it was better this way, that telling her off in person would be so much better than over the phone. But deep in her heart, she knew it was something else. Despite all the pain and lies, Lisa just couldn't wait to see her again.
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It wasn't hard to find her. It was early evening, and the Starbucks was not busy, not that it mattered. Clarice would have stood out in a crowd of a thousand. Her blonde hair was still past her shoulders, hanging straight and parted down the middle to frame her face. Her eyes were still that clear light blue, and still wide, like she was looking for something. She was shorter than Lisa's 6'2" buy about seven inches, and was still as gracefully slender as ever. She'd changed her style post high-school; gone were the GAP sweaters and other affectations of popularity. She wore long, loose skirt of browns and forest greens that made her look taller than she was, with brown knee-high boots under it. Her top was a black turtleneck, which somehow showed off her perky, small breasts by not doing anything to accentuate them. The sight almost killed Lisa. It just wasn't fair that Clarice was even more beautiful.
Lisa sat down, inwardly still resenting Clarice her beauty.
"Hi," Clarice said, her smile was warm and totally open.
"I don't know how you think you can just 'Hi' me after what you did," Lisa said. Thinking about that sight, Clarice's perfect thighs spread as she rode Lisa's brother, made it a lot easier to stay angry at her, and Lisa was secretly happy to hear the ice in her own voice.
Clarice, flinched, visibly hurt. "God, Lisa, I'm so sorry."
"A year late for that, isn't it?"
"Jesus, honey, I tried to apologize, but you wouldn't even talk to me."
"Why the hell should I have talked to you? And what could you possibly have said that would have made it better? You fucked my brother for chrissake!" Lisa quieted down, grateful that place was practically empty. At a lower tone she continued, "I don't know what you could have said then that would have made it better, and quite frankly, I don't know what you could say now either."
Clarice's head was in her hands. She was sniffling a little. "Jesus, Lisa, I was just stupid. I was just so fucking stupid."
"Yeah, you were. I don't get it, why'd you do it? I mean, did you actually like him? You hardly ever even talked to him."
Clarice looked up. Her blue eyes were ringed with red, threatening to cry. "God, no, I didn't like him. I hardly knew him. It wasn't about him. Hell, it wasn't even about you. It was about me."
Lisa was confused. "I don't really see where you're going with this."
"Y'know, it was easier for you. You've been gay since you were, what, eight? I mean, you always knew. But me, I was so confused. Growing up, I mean. I always looked at the boys because, well, that's what a girl is supposed to do. But then you came along and you just brought me with you, taking me places, taking me with you... I mean, fuck, I don't even know how to say it."
Lisa was stunned. She started feeling a little a guilty. In her memory, their first time had been at a party at the end of sophomore year. They'd been drunk, and some boys had been hitting on them, and Clarice had been all ready to take off with one of them when the cops broke the party up. They'd stumbled back to Lisa's house, and one thing had just led to another. Thinking about it, Lisa realized she'd probably taken advantage of Clarice.
Clarice started up again. "I mean, I'd only ever been with you. Hell, I'd barely even kissed a boy before. And after graduation, we were getting ready to go to college, and you were all set. But... fuck I was so stupid... I just didn't know yet, y'know? I still hadn't found out if that was really who I was. And wanted to talk to you about it, and I was scared to talk to you about it. I thought you'd get angry. And when I finally worked up the courage, with the help of a little vodka, you weren't home. But Morgan was... and... I never should have done it. If I was going to sleep with a guy, it really shouldn't have been your brother. But I just wanted to know for sure."
There was a long pause.
"Fuck, I just wish I hadn't. I was being dumb. I wanted to test myself, and you know what? I passed. Or failed, or something. I mean, it was awful. I just didn't like it. It wasn't me. And then you came home..."
There was a very long pause.
"I kept trying to call you. I know it was stupid, but I thought I could explain it to you. I wanted to make it up to you." Clarice looked up. "I've been wanting to make it up to you all the past year." Her hand suddenly found Lisa's across the table and squeezed it tightly, not in possession, but begging. "Please... Let me make it up to you."
Lisa pulled her hand away. "I'm with someone now, Clarice."
The look on her face was awful. Her heart was clearly broken, and Lisa was glad she now knew how it felt.
"Please, Lisa."
"No."