This story is a work of fiction. A figment of the author's imagination. It is not meant to be big on realism. It's a fantasy. The culture around world-class women's cycling probably isn't a hotbed of lesbian lust, but wouldn't it be fun if it were?
All characters are fictitious. At the same time, they are all over 18.
***
Riding With Dirty Girls.
10. Interlude
January 1st. 9:50pm.
I stumbled through the front door, dumped my bags, and threw my car keys on the kitchen counter. The house was cold. Dammit, I'd forgotten to remotely turn on the heating. I could see my breath in the kitchen as I turned it on manually, then plugged the kettle in. The house felt austere and unwelcoming, but a cup of tea would help, and the heating would soon warm the place up.
I went into the living room, rubbing my hands together, and turned on a couple of low, cosy lamps. Even if it wasn't warm, I could make it LOOK warm. It was too late to be worth lighting a fire, but the heating did the business, and within half an hour I had taken my jacket off and was settled on the sofa with my second cuppa. The house's hygge was slowly coming back, but it still felt empty...
It had a strangely barren feeling. Some might say I was just lonely, but I've never suffered much from that. I've always been a pretty self-sufficient individual, and I'm usually content with my own company. I wasn't used to this feeling.
The events of the past week had unsettled me. First, spending time at home with Mum and Dad had reminded me of younger days, when there were always people around. Always someone to care.
Then there was the little interlude when Licia came to stay, and we'd fallen so easily -- shockingly easily - into being a couple, and I'd liked it a lot. Way more than I expected to.
And then there was the time in Porto, and its unsatisfactory conclusion...
When Lucy came to me at the end of the New Year celebration, and we kissed, my heart leaped. I held her tight and tried to make the kiss something special, but it wasn't. Maybe it was just that we were both drunk, but it didn't feel like a Licia kiss, or even a Helen kiss, and I was shocked by that. I wanted so much for it to be transcendent.
When we separated, she just smiled and squeezed my hand, then walked away. Within five minutes, I saw her leaving with her team mate, Anna. She didn't even wave.
Licia also left with her team mates shortly afterwards, and all I got as a parting gift from her was a peck on the cheek and a squeeze of one of my bum cheeks. I didn't even get a chance to tell her I was sleeping alone that night.
I didn't really want to sleep alone, but when Helen came over with Annike and said 'Are you walking back with us?' I was pretty much resigned to it.
We went to get our coats, and as we passed Maisie and Sabina, Maisie turned her palms up and looked at me with an unspoken question. I just shrugged.
I had an unsettled night, tossing and turning, and grappling with bitter disappointment and unanswered questions, and I must have been very subdued at breakfast. Nobody seemed to notice though, which only added to my sense of isolation.
I didn't even get to see Licia before I left Porto either. My flight was in the evening, whereas she'd caught an early-morning red-eye. When I was eating breakfast, she was already winging her way back to Dublin.
I was not a happy girl as I sat on the plane from Porto to Edinburgh that evening, brooding. It was a vexing way to start the new year.
Now, here I was, back in my little house that I love so much, and which usually has such a warm welcome for me, and it felt... cheerless.
I looked at the clock. Almost 10:45. Licia was very likely to be in bed after her previous late night and early morning, but I had to call her. I needed to hear her voice.
It took her a while to pick up, but then: 'Hiya babe. Just got home?' she said, stifling a yawn. It was such a thrill to hear her voice.
'Yeh, few minutes ago. Sorry if I woke you up. I just wanted to hear you.'
'Well, you did wake me up, but I'm glad you did. It's great to hear YOU.'
'Sorry. I realised you might have gone to bed early.'
'No, I'm not in bed. I fell asleep on the sofa. You OK? You sound a bit down.'
'Yeh, just feeling a bit sorry for myself maybe.'
There was a long pause... I almost thought the connection had dropped, but then she said. 'Did you come back and find the house was much emptier than usual?'
'Yes.'
'I did too. Strange feeling...'
'Yeh, 'tis. Coming home never felt like this before.'
'Same here.'
We were sharing our similar experiences without voicing what we both knew. It was those two days together that had caused this. We had glimpsed domestic harmony, domestic bliss. Togetherness. Just briefly, we were a couple, and now we were pining for each other. Maybe the feeling would pass -- or maybe it wouldn't.
I changed the subject. 'So, are you defending your title next weekend?' I was referring to her British Cyclocross Champion title. All the national championships were on the weekend of the 14th/15th, which was the main reason why there was such a big gap in the World Cup schedule.
'Yeh, I'm planning to. Are you going to be there?' she asked, cagily.
Realistically, she knew If I was there, she'd likely lose the title, but I was not inclined to take the title from her. 'No, I'm not going. I'm going to put in a solid training block. I'm going over to Belgium to train with Molly and the girls for 4 days next week.'
'Cool,' she said, obviously very approving of my plans, and the prospect that she would likely be able to retain the jersey. I hoped she would, but I knew she wouldn't have it all her own way; there were a few very talented youngsters coming up through the ranks. She'd need to be on top of her game.
'Good luck. I'll look out for the result.'
'Thanks. I think I'm on top form at the moments. I mean, top 5 yesterday. Best result I've ever had.'
'Yeh, great ride that. You weren't easy to get past, that's for sure.'
'Thanks, Chlo, that means a lot. I couldn't believe it when I caught up with Leona, then outsprinted her at the end.'
'Well, I think I'm going to hit the sack,' I said. I'm pretty tired. You must be too.'
Yeh, I'm heading that way myself... Wish you could join me.'
'Me too.'
'Night, babe'
'Sleep tight.'
I turned off the lamps, put the heating back onto timer, and headed upstairs. The bed was still messed up from when we'd left it, just a couple of days before. Rather pathetically (and I'm embarrassed to admit it now) I started sniffing all over the bed and pillows, trying to pick up a trace of her scent, and there were traces. Her pillow smelled of her hair, and I held it to my face and inhaled. Why was it so comforting and so melancholy at the same time?
I went to sleep hugging the pillow to me. Perhaps I was a little lonely after all.
...
I awoke in the morning just as the sun peeped over the horizon, and it was dazzling. The weather had become very cold and clear. I squinted out of the window to see that all the rooftops and the grass verges were frosted, but the road was just wet. Spready had done good work again. It was a day for a nice easy recovery ride.
I started getting my winter training togs out, then I had a sudden idea. I almost always trained alone, unless I was on a club ride, but I remembered how much fun riding with Licia had been, and I fancied some company. On the off chance, I decided to call my club-mate, Brenda.
Bren and I had ridden well together on a few club rides -- she's very fit for a non-pro - and I'd often thought we should ride together more often. Luckily, January 2nd is a public holiday in Scotland, and I was hoping she wouldn't be working. She's a vet though, so she could be on call on any day.
I found her number in my phone and pressed "call." 'Hi Bren. Happy New Year!'
'Happy New Year, Chloe! Hey, brilliant ride in the dunes the other day.
Thanks, yeh, it made a nice change. Listen, have you anything on today?
'Ermm, on? No, not really, I'm off work today.
'D'you fancy coming for a ride with me? Nothing too mad. An easy 30 or 40 miler maybe?'
'Aye, brilliant. Thanks for asking me. I'll get the bike out.
'Cool. Meet at The Woolly Sheep at 11?
Yeh, great. See you there.'
I sat at the kitchen table and ate a hearty and calorific breakfast. One of the luxuries afforded to serious athletes. Of course, it was heavy on fruit and yoghurt, but it also contained Scotch pancakes with honey, and toast with Scottish blackcurrant jam. Although I do like a traditional bacon and eggs breakfast, I'd never eat one before a ride because there's too little carbohydrate, and it's way too dehydrating.
I turned up outside The Woolly Sheep in full winter gear, including a thermal balaclava under my helmet, overshoes, super-warm "Roubaix" bib tights, and a hi-vis windproof gilet. It was sunny but, typical of winter in the UK, the sun had no power at all. It was bloody freezing.
Brenda rolled up dressed very similarly, and we shared a little hug then set off on a make-it-up-as-you-go-along kind of ride.
I don't think I've said much about Brenda up to now, apart from her riding prowess. She's taller than average, and well-built. A bit like Marianne -- a strong girl. I'd guess she's about 30-ish, with reddish brown hair, worn in a plain short bob, rosy cheeks and blue eyes. I guess she looks quite typically Scottish. She certainly sounds typically Scottish, and sometimes comes out with things I don't understand.
She's good company on a ride. Quite chatty and not overly competitive (some people make every ride into a race) but she's very strong. She could certainly have held her own as a pro, if she had chosen to pursue it as a career, but she's committed to her job as a vet.
We meandered through the hills for about four hours, including a lunch stop, and we chatted about all sorts of subjects, including bike racing, her job -- lots of funny, and not so funny, animal stories -- food, and relationships.
To say the relationships conversation was surprising would be an understatement. I'd never heard any hint from her about a partner and I assumed she was single. Since I'd never mentioned the free girls or anything like that to her, she probably assumed that I was the same. I wasn't even certain she knew I was gay and, come to think of it, I wasn't even sure whether she was straight.
When the subject came up, I said, 'Do you live on your own, Brenda?'
'Aye, just me. You're the same aren't you?'
'Yeh, but I have... girlfriends, you know?'
'Well, I knew you were gay, but girlfriends in the plural?'
I wasn't sure how much I wanted to reveal about my rather unconventional lifestyle. I didn't know how shock-proof she was, so I played it safe. 'Yeh, there are a few gay girls in the racing community. Two or three of them are a bit special to me, but I don't have one steady girlfriend.'
'Ah, and when you say special, are your relationships with them physical?'
She meant did we fuck...? and I gave her the simple answer. 'Yes...'
'Hm'
We rode along in silence for a while, as she digested this new info. She hadn't had even a glimpse of what we get up to, but it seemed to have given her food for thought.
'So, do you have anyone special, Bren?'
'Me? No.'