I thought I was going to throw up. There she was, just standing there, carelessly swiping her corn silk hair out of her eyes and chatting with Margo Strand. God she was still beautiful, even more so than back then, the laugh lines creeping in next to her eyes suggested that she still loved being outdoors. Her sure stance made me think she probably still rode horses. Still 100% out of my league. My hands were clammy just looking at her. She must have sensed that I was looking because she glanced in my direction and tossed me a nonchalant smile, going quickly back to her conversation. Still so comfortable with whom she was. It had been twenty years and Nancy Harding still had that effect on me, the one that left me reeling with unfulfilled desire and a certain level of horniness. She was my crush in high school.
We sat in alphabetical order in all of our classes in our large Catholic girls' school and I was always three seats behind and one row over from Nancy. Just the right position for me to see her profile, and her shapely, creamy-skinned left leg that she always stuck out into the aisle (she was tall and the desks were for petite girls.) Every now and then she would turn to look at her best friend Amy behind her and then I could get a full eyeful of that stunning doe-eyed face, radiant in its healthy cheerleader glow. I would fantasize about her for hours after school in the small crevice that was my bedroom. She was a world away from me. She was rich, a cheerleader, a popular girl. I was barely scraping by with my sad little paycheck, worked after school and never had time for things like sports or cheerleading. But I worked hard and had a few friends of my own. (None of whom seemed to be here at the 20th reunion, I thought, leaving me stranded.)
I decided to get myself a drink. After all, I had driven two hours and gotten a hotel room for this event and I wasn't about to ditch even though I was surrounded by all of the people who made me a little nervous in high school. Tough shit, I thought. I kind of want to see what's happened to some of these people anyway. So I got myself a whiskey and water, settled in near the bar, and surveyed the room. For the most part, it looked as though people fought for months to get themselves into their outfits for tonight. None of the women sported the gigantic hair of the 1980's that was so popular in my school. Now, they all wore smart bobs or polite, genteel ponytails. They all dressed like moms. I looked down at my backless dress and the leather jacket flung over my arm. Still the different one, I thought. I gestured for another drink.
"Let me get that one for you," I heard a silken voice in my ear. Turning, I faced herβNancy Harding, right there, offering to buy me a drink. "Hi," she said. "You probably don't remember me but I'm Nancy."
"I remember you and thanks," I breathed, trying not to seem as flabbergasted as I was. "You cheered for Bishop Watkins School, right?" Stupid, I thought, what kind of line was that? (Bishop Watkins was our brother school, the crop from which we chose our prom dates and Friday night lays.)
"Yeah, that's me. I remember you. You were kind of eccentric and you always had your hand up in English class." She laughed and it sounded like little bells to me. "Do you want to go sit down?" She asked.
I was wishing I had someone to look at as if to say, "Are you SEEING this?" But, like I said, my crowd wasn't here. So I followed her to a table. "I like your tattoos," she said and added, "I think you're the only one here with one." I looked around at my classmates and had to agree. This was not a tattoo crowd and here I was, showing off mine with my revealing dress. She fingered the swan on my back. "I really like this one." I shivered with desire. (Keep it cool, I told myself.)
We chatted some more, went over what we had been doing for 20 years. She had gone to school for business and had a prestigious job in a big firm for many years. "But," she said, "My husband wanted me to stay home. He's very old fashioned. So I quit and I have just been riding my horses and teaching lessons ever since."
Husband. I didn't like that word when it referred to Nancy's life. I had wanted her to be free, like me. I was a writer and artist and made my own hours, came and went as I pleased. She had to ask her husband for permission if she wanted to go somewhere. "I don't mind, really," she said, "it's a pretty fair trade-off for all I have...you know, nice house, horses, a good man..."