Jenny placed her coffee cup down on the glass topped desk. Her face was stern, almost rigid. Her assistant, Mike, had just told the biggest client she had ever managed to win over to "Wait on hold for a minute."
Mike was young, unfocused, unprofessional, and soon, unemployed. She swept the thoughts back into an organized jumble and dug through her experience for the proper apology.
"Deana, how are you?" Jenny held an artificial firmness in her voice.
"Jenny Doll, don't put on for me. I know you are upset." Deana replied with that magically blunt while sweet and disarming voice. It almost worked.
Mike came into the office with a binder and a coffee refill. Without even thinking Jenny swung her pointer finger in a hostile dismissal of the poor guy. He looked hurt. She was too frustrated to care.
"Listen, Doll, you haven't been the same since that day. Won't you ever forgive me?" Deana probed.
Jenny's sadness returned in a wave of melancholy. Deana had married a businessman only two years after their first powerful meeting. Jarred Halton was a tall, good looking, smooth talking gentleman, who, Jenny believed, really did love Deana...But so did Jenny. Deana was hers. She had her first. Now it was over and Jenny was alone again. For two wonderful years she and Deana had been friends, lovers, and (in Jenny's mind) headed for marriage.
The day that it ended Deana met Jenny in Arkansas during a commercial shoot that Jenny had been assigned to. Deana texted her with the name and room number of the hotel and the words "Waiting, Doll".
The surprise was so exciting that Jenny left the set earlier than she normally would have. Her, then, assistant a sassy red headed girl named Miranda had gladly taken the opportunity to be in charge. She was shouting orders before Jenny was even in her rental car.
Jenny arrived at the room within forty minutes of the text. She knocked and was met with the beautiful sight of her love. Deana embraced her and kissed her with a strangely soft, almost tremulous kiss. They made love in the way a long acquainted couple makes love. Not in the spicy, wild way that they so often had before. They slowly moved in time with one another in perfectly synchronized love making. But something was missing. Jenny realized something was wrong. When she asked Deana about this different feel, Deana turned her sorrowful eyes to meet Jennys.
"Doll, you know that I love you?" Deana urged.
Jenny's heart sank. She knew what was coming.
"You're leaving me." It was not a question. She was announcing the fact to her very own stunned mind.
Deana seemed almost maternal as she answered. "Doll, you have to understand, I want children. I want a marriage. I dream..."
Jenny felt herself falling into depression as the words slammed into her shattered consciousness.
"I get it. You're leaving me."
Jenny got up, trying to wear a brave face. She put on her bra, slipped on her blouse, and as she tugged on her slacks, she dissolved into tears. She sat down heavily into the faux leather chair in the corner of the room and cried. Deana got to her feet and cautiously approached her newly released lover. She leaned in close to speak soothing words, to try to heal Jenny's heart. In a movement that was a quick as it was heartbreaking, Jenny grabbed Deana and held her as tightly as her arms could manage. Neither of them spoke again for half an hour or more. The two women parted in a state of confused and awful sadness.
They would not speak again for six months. Even then, Jenny was cold, detached, and mildly abrasive. She still had those old feelings for Deana. They would remain for a long time.
Fully four and a half years later, Deana was attempting to sneak into her head again. Jenny did not like it. She already had to keep the balance between her need to punish Deana and her professional requirement to satisfy Deana's requests.
She was jarred out of her memories by Mike waving a hand written sign that said "Aftrexx meeting! Half an hour!"
"I'm fine Mrs. Morgan, how can I help you, today." Jenny spoke in an insincere, borderline flat tone that meant "get on with it. What do you want?"
Deana sounded a little crestfallen. "Doll, I really just wanted to see how you were. I know that..."
Jenny's fire flared, "Mrs. Morgan, please refer to me as Ms. Sorello. What else can I do for you?"
Deana's voice trembled. Her confidence shaken, she tried to carry on with an odd mix of professionalism and a searching sense of tenderness.
"I'm pregnant, Jenny. You are the closest person to me. I just wanted to share..."
"And you have. Congratulations, Deana." There was a wounded feel to the retort. Deana felt more than heard it.
"Okay. I'm so sorry, Jenny. I thought that..." Deana began.
"You thought what, Deana?" Jenny's voice raised, "You thought that I was a pretty good piece of ass? You thought you could tug me along a little farther?"
"Please, Jenny..." Deana pleaded.
Jenny was now yelling ,"You thought you could swing in like the beautiful starlet and steal the show again? Well, you cannot! I've moved on. You should, too. Now if you don't have any business to discuss, I must prepare for a meeting."
Deana softly answered, "I'm sorry, Ms. Sorello. I will let you go."
"You already did, or don't you remember?" She slammed down her phone and grabbed her dark brown hair and covered her hazel eyes in pain and frustration.
A soft thudding knock in the large glass windows of her office piqued her already red hot temper. Without even uncovering her eyes she yelled in an uncharacteristic tone "Mike, leave me the fuck alone!" She then looked up to see her boss, staring wide eyed, along with everyone else in the office.
Her boss understood that she had been through a lot lately. In fact, she had changed some years back, and he had never seen her the same since. He asked her to take a few days off. When she came back, he urged her to get back into the game.
Regina was in town, staying at Jenny's house, while her husband, Phillip, was in Saudi Arabia on a business trip. Regina had seen this whole "Deana thing" from its beginnings. She had seen Jenny happier than she had ever been for a while. Then, she had watched her friend die inside. Regina just wanted Jenny to be happy again. Jenny meant so much to her that Jenny's darkness was her own. She hid it for Jenny's sake.
She was wearing an oversized Tee and her favorite, just-right-tight yoga shorts. She was lazily sitting on the large, over stuffed couch centered in Jenny's living room when Jenny came quietly into the house. Regina did not look at her at first. She was closely regarding the scantily clad young men on a reality TV show she never missed. She greeted Jenny happily. No answer came back. Regina looked over the back of the couch to see the tear-reddened face of her long time friend.
"Babe, what happened?" Regina enquired and she leapt up and ran, open armed, to hug her friend.
"She called me." Jenny answered.
"Okay..." Regina probed. "She has called quite a few times, hasn't she?"
"She's having a baby. I couldn't even be happy for her." Jenny said collapsing into Regina's arms. "What's happened to me?"
