Recovery 02 Pt 01 Am I Lost Forever

Prologue:

HONORING FOXY FOWLER

- She truly enjoys reading my type/style of Lesbian Romance stories! This story is a two-part Slowburn Lesbian Love and Romance tale

expressly written for Foxy as a Thank You

for being one of my most loyal & committed readers. This is the first of two new stories, I'm dedicating to Foxy in 2024.

When children are a part of Billyslate's storyline, there's minimal sexual activity if they're close by. Also, generally, there's little or no alcohol consumed in their presence.

All descriptive sex in this story is lesbian, with young ladies aged

21

or older. Some explicit lesbian sexual actions occasionally feature a strong, but loving woman as the definite

TOP

controlling the action along with playful and occasional firm spanking.

This

49

th

and all Billyslate stories are 100% Fiction in every aspect.

Edited By Billyslate

/Grammarly

***

I sit quietly on the 18

th

hole, a day after Stanford wins the NCAA Women's Golf Championship at the Omni La Costa Resort and Spa, Carlsbad, CA.

My 4-year Women's Golf career at Washington University, St Louis, MO (

Wash U

) ends with

Joy

,

Disappointment

, and overwhelming

Sadness

. I was named All-American in my junior and senior years, but we (

Wash U

) didn't make the 72-Team Regional Playoffs either year.

Still, the sadness of sitting alone on the 18

th

hole in Carlsbad overwhelms me, tears flowing down my cheeks like raindrops. The only real friend I've loved, ashes were sprinkled over the Memphis golf course we so often played together as kids until her death at age 17.

Best friends since we were 2-year-old toddlers, we're virtually twins, playing golf and dancing ballet while still learning to walk without stumbling. Our Dads love golf, and our Moms love Ballet/Modern dance, so we love them equally.

Maya's death five years ago has affected every facet of my life, as I sit here with memories of her ashes blowing in the early afternoon Tennesee breeze.

Maybe the

Wash U

Women's Golf Team would be celebrating our NCAA National Championship if Maya and I were still playing together. College Golf is a team sport, and my childhood teammate, Maya is with Jesus now.

My parents worry about me traveling to Carlsbad alone. But truly understand I've been grieving for five years, so maybe I'll eventually put my memories on ice in a small box next to my heart.

***

MEMORIES:

ELLA

TRUDEAU VOGT

I don't remember life before meeting my best bud

Maya

Afina Johnson, when we were 2 years old, birthdays a week apart. I'm now 22, the same as Maya would be if she were alive. Our first meeting was in Germantown, TN, a Memphis suburb.

Maya's Dad,

Ray

, and my Dad,

Eckerd

work for FedEx International, and are promoted to the Memphis HQ, the same year. My Dad,

Eckerd,

Mom,

Ike,

and I move to the US first, and then Maya's family arrive about two months later

I'm typically German (

Bavarian

), blond, blue-eyed with pale skin, 5' 8", and nicely built.

Maya's Mom,

Adalia

is Malaysian and her Dad,

Ray

is mixed-race Black/White American. Maya's skin looks like she has a golden tan, with silky raven black hair. Like me, she's 5' 8" and nicely built from hours of golf and ballet since age 5.

Life is great for us, meeting soon after our families transfer to the FedEx HQ, and buying homes in the same Germantown development. From that moment, when you see me, Maya is by my side and vice-versa. We're always together starting in K1/2, Primary and Jr, High School

***

At age 12, Maya seems to tire more frequently when we walk 18 holes of golf or dance long Ballet routines. Her parents take her to the UTHSC Hospital Pediatric Diagnostic Clinic and are devastated to learn Maya is diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (

ALL

).

Her White Blood Cell count exceeds 400,000 when the normal is 7-10,000, so the doctors immediately start emergency Chemo quickly lowering her WBC count.

Next, she's given several phases of a routine Chemo,

methotrexate

and

mercaptopurine

. I'm with Maya for every phase of her routine Chemotherapy, until she goes into remission.

Now, in remission, Maya's prognosis for a cure looks good, lasting four long years, when the

ALL

unexpectedly returns (

relapse

). When a child goes 5 years without the

ALL

returning to their bloodstream, they're considered cured, so at 4 years Mata was close to reaching that plateau.

One week after relapsing, Maya suddenly dies from unexplainable Acute Infective Endocarditis (

Acute IE

) or inflammation of the heart valves and sometimes chambers' lining.

I take a semester off from High School for mental health, returning to classes the next semester. After finishing HS, I received a Golf Scholarship to

Wash U

, where I'll graduate next month with a BS Degree in Economics.

***

ROAD TO HEALING:

Still floundering mentally, I reject an invitation to join the LPGA tour, because five years after Maya died,

I Still Wonder Am I Lost Forever

.

Also, I can't fathom returning home to Memphis, being blanketed daily with fresh memories of losing Maya. Since I studied Economics for my BS Degree, I enrolled in the Wash U

Olin School of Business

, studying for my MBA.

It's just a 4-hour drive from St Louis to Memphis, so I can still visit my parents one weekend a month and on special holidays.

I always spend a few hours talking with Maya's parents when visiting Memphis, so they know I love them. Realizing that I continually grieve for Maya, her parents have given me solid emotional support since her death.

My Mom again suggests I see a therapist, with me taking her advice this time.

***

After two visits, my therapist recommends, that I consider being a

Big Sister

, mentoring economically challenged girls. She feels my helping these poorer young girls enjoy life may expedite my healing so I move forward with her advice.

After learning about a

Big Sister Program

sponsored by a local Progressive Church, I will investigate further on the WEB. So, I attend morning worship a few times, meeting many members at coffee fellowship after Church. I talk with the Pastor several times, telling him much of my history.

The Non-Denominational Community Church's Pastor, Eric Ames Taylor is a wonderful person, talking with me in depth about Maya before we move forward. He knows of biological sisters, Abby 5, and Rita 6 whose birthdays are next month.

They've recently gone into Foster Care, because of their single Mom's arrest for

Felony Car Theft

, as a part of a St Louis carjacking ring. Their Mom drove the carjacked vehicle from the crime scene, crashing into a minivan with several occupants, some receiving life-threatening injuries. So the judge does allow her bail/bond, and the DA seeks a 25-year prison sentence.

The lady also left the scene (

hit n run

) but was traced to her home, where the police arrested her in a violent confrontation.

So, Abby and Rita shut down emotionally from the horror and shock of their mom being violently taken away by the Police at gunpoint, are now almost

MUTE

!

If they don't open up soon, both sisters may be transferred to a Child Psychiatry Unit, which in reality is a Juvenile Detention Center for the mentally disturbed. Pastor Taylor is frantic to help them, feeling the sisters may be physically separated if transferred, causing long-lasting to permanent emotional damage.

According to Child Services, they've been unable to identify or locate any close or blood relatives in Missouri. So the two girls are in a terrible situation, which you may be able to help. Our Church, as well as I will support your being their

Big Sister 100%'

I'm shocked out of my malaise, agreeing to meet the sisters next Sunday at Church. They'll come for Sunday School, staying all day with Pastor Taylor arranging lots of alone time for me and the two girls.

Racking my brain, I buy various brands of colorful knickknacks and treats, hoping the girls will react and open up to me. Additionally, a small local art exhibit is opening soon, and running for 3 weeks, so I'll take them to it.

I hastily emailed Pastor Taylor, asking if all goes well this Sunday, can I take the sisters to the art exhibit on our next Sunday's activities? Pastor Taylor's response is I'll make the Art Exhibit outing happen, so plan a 3-hour after-Church visit there.

I phone Mom/Dad updating them on the sisters and everything. They sense the excitement in my first new outlook on life since Maya's funeral and are stunned at how wanting to help the two girls, is changing me.

Mom warns, "My darling Ella, don't overwhelm the girls, and be certain you three are alone in a quiet space. Layout several pieces of colorful items you have for them, then sit smiling cutely and let the girls come to you. They'll be cautious at first, especially if the girls have been hit or abused."

I giggle, "Mom, I'm so happy, and talk with the Pastor for a long time, thanking him for helping me. This will be my fourth time attending Sunday School and Morning Worship at his Church. I'll call you and Dad when I'm back home, telling you everything."

I can feel Mom's happiness with my Therapy update and joining the Church's Big Sister program.

***

LIFE ALTERING SUNDAY

I arrive at Church excited, looking for Pastor Taylor, who invites me to his study. He's professional, always addressing me as Miss Vogt.

Looking downcast, Pastor Taylor starts, "Miss Vogt," me holding up my hand.

I respond, "Pastor Taylor, you joyfully welcomed me into the congregation at a low point in my life, and I'm thankful, so please call me Ella."

He smiles, "Okay Ella, I have sad news, the foster care center's manager won't release the girls for this morning's Church service, or an after-Church visit with you. He claims Rita and Abby are more disruptive today than usual, so he can't approve their visit."

I look hard into the Pastor's eyes, "Do you have a Church Member or someone you know, who has power or influence over the center's state government budget? If such a person exists in our Church, please ask them to pressure the center, and I'll go there this morning after Sunday School."

Pastor Taylor leaves the study, returning a few minutes later, with a local News Reporter. "Let's go now Ella, since

Jane

Anderson from News 5, has recently heard negative reports on their actions and wants to see the facility up close."

I explain Mom's advice, on my being alone with the girls at first, but maybe she can film our meeting through a window. Jane's eyes light up, saying. "Okay, Ella, we'll do it your Mom's way!"

***

After a 45-minute drive and fighting with the facility Manager, I'm waiting for the girls in a small conference room, where Jane has a great window view to film us on the sly. She won't be able to hear anything, so I hope the two girls show a lot of facial emotion.

The Manager's still grumbling and Jane shuts him down, "You can be quiet letting me do my job, or I can write the Governor about your lack of empathy for these at-risk kids."

I'm so nervous my knees knock, as I pray the two girls will happily respond to my multicolored offerings. The door creeks open and they gingerly step in, as I sit smiling like Mom says.

The first girl, I assume it's Rita catches her breath seeing the table full of goodies but stares at me without emotion. The little one, Abby, eyes go huge, grinning widely seeing the bounty, but also stands motionless.

So, I carefully open a piece of the stronger-smelling treats and take a big juicy bite saying, "

Oh Yeah Great Candy

," holding a piece out to Rita.

She rapidly blinks twice, tearing over to the table, and grabs the candy from my hand. She shakes so badly trying to open it, that I pull her into my lap. I carefully open it, and Abby then flies into my arms boohooing.

I thank Jesus for my Mom, who often cooed me back to sleep from bad dreams. So, I coo in Abby's ears, then whip out Mom's huge old trusty comb, with both girls instantly forgetting the treats, wanting me to comb their hair.

After nearly an hour of cooing, kissing cheeks, opening and eating treats, and combing hair, I stand with both little girls clinging to me. The door opens with Jane, and the Pastor, running joyfully into the room, followed by a scowling manager.

I glare at the center Manager, "One of two good things can happen. Rita and Abby come home with me or to Pastor Taylor's Church. I'll bathe them, shampoo and condition their hair, and make them Strawberry Waffles.

I smile at Rita, "Does my two darling girls want to eat Strawbery Waffles with me?"

Rita answers as plain as day, "Yes Mommy Ella, we want all your food cause

Abby and Me

love your candy," with everyone standing there speechless.

I look at the Manager again, "Either you sign the Pastor's paperwork for the girl's visitation or Jane's having a documentary of today's visit on News 5's Six O'clock Report!"

***

Once the foster care center's Manager realizes we're serious, he relents and releases Rita and Abby in Pastor Taylor and his Church's custody. We make a quick pit stop at a Dollar Store for emergency toiletry items so I can clean the girls up and tomorrow I'll shop for clothes in their sizes.

Jane has girls a few years older than Rita/Abby and will check if they have nice clothes that are a little worn and too small for them. Jane'll drop the clothes off to me, along with any unopened kiddie snacks from their fridge and cabinets.

The two girls and I are in a small ensuite at the Church. These guest rooms are normally used by visiting ministers staying overnight for Revival, or large Funerals and Weddings. There's lots of floor space, a king bed and convertible sofa, a mini fridge, a small dinner table with utensils, and other useful items.

Rita and Abby have mild body odors, so showers, baths, and hair washing are my first tasks. I can keep them wrapped in large bath towels if we finish before Jane returns with clothes.

I realize I'm going like a whirlwind, forcing myself to slow down and talk sweetly to the girls. Sitting on the sofa I hold out my arms both girls running into them.

"Does Rita and Abby want a bath, and I wash your hair?" Both girls jump gleefully around in my lap flinging sweet kisses, "Yes Mommy Ella, we want you to bathe us and make our hair smell pretty!"

Tearing up, "Does Rita and Abby want to call me Mommy Ella all the time?"

Both girls squeal, "

YES

-

YES

, we want you to be our Mommy Ella!"

"Okay girls a bath and hair wash is next, but first we'll call and say hello to my Mom and Dad on the phone."

***

Mom answers excitedly, "Dad and I have been waiting for this call forever,"

I giggle cutely. "Mom, someone wants to say hello to you!"

Rita squeals, "Hello Grandmom and Granddad, I'm Rita, and my little sister's Abby. Mommy Ella comes to take us away from the place we don't like, and now she will bathe us and do our hair."

Another cute voice giggles, "I'm Abby and Mommy Ella's giving us Strawberry Waffes for lunch. Then she'll buy KFC for dinner if we're good girls and let her wash our ears."

Dad asks, "Ella darling, what's going on with the girls?"

I tell them the full story of today and at the moment, don't know what tomorrow will bring. Mom and Dad want to hop in their car and drive to St Louis, but I tell them to wait a week or so until the dust settles.

Ending our call, "Mom/Dad, I'll phone and update you daily until I get my bearings. Most likely, Rita, Abby, and I'll stay in the Church suite for a week, which is quite comfortable.

Rita, pipes up, "Yup, Grandmom and Granddad, Mommy Ella and us, will call you every day saying hello."

***

SUNDAY ART SHOW

The girls and I stay at Church for a week, then move into my 2-bedroom apartment. Now two weeks later, they're still with me, never sleeping in their bed.

Jane is truly a blessing to me, bringing her girls Robin and Julie over to play with Rita and Abby, and giving me a study break. It's not a big issue, since I study every night after Rita and Abby fall asleep. Also, this is summer, so my class workload is light, until September.

Today is Abby, Rita, and my 3

rd

Sunday Church visit together, as the girls are completely relaxed with me. I'm also the happiest I've been in nearly six years, calmly moving forward at a snail's pace day by day.

Since moving to my place, both girls have new wardrobes, hairstyles, books, and other good stuff. So it's filling up which means I need to think of our lives long-term, which is daunting!

Rita loves our first Art Show visit, deciding she wants to paint everything in sight. So she's hyper at Sunday School and Church, wanting to get going to the exhibit. Abby wants to dance, and thinks it's Ballet because of the pretty dance clothes.

Finally, Church is over and 30 minutes later we enter the art exhibit area. Rita's all over the place giggling excitedly, as I notice booths and tables in some sections are breaking down with the show ending today.

We're slowly walking into the section Rita loves with many paintings on display, when a soft voice sings out;

Hi you guys, I'm Candace, an artist and these are some of my paintings. I saw you all here last Sunday, but we were packed so I couldn't say hello."

I answer, "I'm Ella and my little friends are Rita almost 6, and Abby nearly 5. We visited last week's exhibit and today's after Sunday School and Morning Worship at our nearby Community Church.

Abby points her little chubby finger at Candace, "Miss Candace is a bad girl who didn't go to Church like us."

I grin, "Oh No, Candace's in trouble for being a bad girl, so no goodies for her today!"

Candace briefly tilts her head left, "We're closing today, so some exhibitors left earlier and some are breaking down now. Others will pack their booths/tables in the morning, so we'll have security here shortly.

"I live on-site upstairs for a lower rent, so you guys want to come up for a visit to see more of my paintings and eat ice cream?"

I ask if she is certain we are not holding her up, with so many items to pack?"

She responds, "Oh, Ella, I can use a break, but if you feel guilty, y'all can help me pack after we enjoy a snack,"

I love Rita's sassiness getting on Candace, "Well Miss Candace, we'll help pack, while enjoying your snacks if you come to Church with us next week.

Candace tilts her head left, as I giggle, then looks at Rita saying, "

Okay Rita

,

Deal

!" Her upstairs loft is busy with paintings and other artsy stuff, otherwise it's nicely done.

Within minutes we're chatting like old friends while slurping Rainbow Flavored Ice Cream. Candace is a year younger than me at 21 and dresses a bit bohemian or like the 1960s US Hippies.

I share some of my background with her, saying I'm a Big Sister to the girls, but becoming very attached to Abby and Rita after 3-weeks. I also mention losing Maya, my best friend to leukemia five years ago, but not the full details.

Looking at my watch I gasped, "Oh My, time flies when you're having fun, I'd better call Pastor Taylor telling him we're still here. The girls are approved for staying at my apartment, and the Church."

Pastor Taylor and I talk on the phone for a minute, me explaining meeting Candace at the Art Exhibit, and going up to her living space for ice cream. She also has more paintings upstairs, that me and the girls love."