Note: This story contains brief flashbacks, the start and end of which are indicated by a
" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "
20
th
September, 2011. Tuesday. Evening.
"It's not that simple," I shake my head, tired and not in the mood for a fight.
"Is it not? It seems pretty fucking simple to me!" she spits back at me. "You cheated, you lied, you were unfaithful. What isn't simple about that?"
"You know why I did it." I sigh, just wanting to get out of there. "I'm not making up excuses, or trying to say wasn't in the wrong."
"I fucking loved you... I DO love you... still..." She holds the bannister and sits on the stairs, not holding back the tears now. "You've broken my heart, and I can't stop loving you..."
I crouch in front of her, my face level with hers. Her head is bowed, her eyes shut in a vain attempt to stop the flow of tears. She sobs, her hands on the back of her head, body trembling. I cry too, inwardly, remaining strong to her eyes. Because I know that if she sees me cry, she will take me back, and I will hurt her again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, let's rewind a little. I'm 21, I've been with Abby for a little over eight months. Our first ever meeting was interesting, I suppose. What followed shortly after was an incredible two month period of being unofficially together, and then six months where it was official. But, me being me, I had never had any intention of being 'faithful.' It's just the way I am; sex to me is just sex, and it is one of my 'coping mechanisms' and gives me a way to manage my emotions.
Throughout the relationship, me and Abby would see each other between two and four times a week, but I would still be out at least once a week and having one night stands. Not because I wanted to, but I didn't want
not
to. I think this is in part what caused mine and Abby's relationship to be the way it was. It had become a constant cycle of her doing something that angered me, me punishing her sexually, and then her making it up to me with more sex, and then us making love.
Over and over again. Two, three, maybe four times a month.
She knew about the other women. I didn't know she knew. The thing is, she didn't mind the fact I was fucking other people, because she knew I loved her, and I always chose her over anybody else. What bothered her was the worry that one day I may meet somebody better, and I would choose them over her. It's why she never spoke to me about it; for 6 months she kept it secret that she knew. She'd asked me once, if I'd ever cheated on her. I lied, said I had twice, she cuddled and kissed me, and it was never mentioned again.
She knew it was a lie, I now realise. She asked me to test me, see if I had it in me to lie to her face. Once she knew I did, she never asked me where I'd been or what I had done, on the nights she thought I had been with another woman. Because she knew I would lie, and she would rather let me have secrets than have me lie to her again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back to 'now'. It's Tuesday evening. I've been home from work, showered, grabbed a couple of essentials (strap on, lube, blindfold, handcuffs, that kind of thing), and driven over to Abby's. I'm fucking horny, and Tuesday is 'Lexi night;' it was one of our little things where Tuesday nights would be all about my desires being taken care of first, and Thursday nights would be all about Abby. It worked, it was probably the only balanced and healthy part of our relationship.
So, I get to hers, she lets me in, tells me just to wait in the living room a moment. It isn't a strange occurrence, so I think nothing of it. I sit in my usual spot on the couch. There are two full glasses of wine on the coffee table, but one has lipstick marks on the rim and the bottle is nearly empty. The lipstick though... Abby doesn't wear that shade; it's too dark for her. And that scent, it's a perfume Abby doesn't wear... somebody else was here... or IS here?!
I wrack my brains; that perfume is familiar. It triggers a couple of recent memories, one of them a night two weeks ago...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abby had cancelled on a Thursday, working late and then an early start on the Friday. It was short notice and I had been angry, upset; I'd spent the whole week planning the perfect night for her. I'd gone out drinking, clubbing, looking to just forget about it. And I met
her
. Abby's ex, the one she left for me.
She wasn't hostile, in fact she was friendly. Maybe too friendly, but I was too drunk and angry to notice. We talked, kissed, and went back to hers and fucked. It felt so fucking good, like I was evening out the score. Not that Abby had betrayed me, but because she had hurt me. I was wrong, I knew straight after, but it felt so right at the time.
And it is
her
perfume and lipstick...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't hear her enter the living room, but her voice quickly drags me back to reality.
"It's okay baby,
she
's gone," she gestures at the bottle and glasses. I glance at her, noticing for the first time her face is flushed and her cheeks are puffy. Her hair is a little messed. Her eyes are red. She's been crying. Why? What did
she