This includes lesbian sex as well as nonconsensual sex. If either bothers you please skip this.
"One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it."
— D.H. Lawrence
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I guess it all started about midway through my senior year of high school when my parents both died in a horrible car wreck. I am Lori and turned 18 shortly after it happened - not exactly the kind of birthday I was hoping for. I was devastated and only barely made it through the rest of the school year. The only way I made it at all was the support of my older sister, Paula.
Paula had been going to college in town while living at home. She ended up dropping out for a semester to be my emotional support and to try to take care of everything that had to be done in the aftermath of my parents' death. I was no help whatsoever. If I came out of my shell at all, it was to weep uncontrollably. Everything was on Paula, which was a cruel thing to do to a 20 year old.
Neither of my parents had any siblings and both sets of grandparents had passed. I guess both of my parents had cousins, but we had never been close to any of them, so Paula and I were on our own. My parents did have insurance policies, so we had some financial security. Still we had to wind our way through wills and courts to work it out, or at least Paula did.
She decided that even if we could afford the house, and that was a stretch, that it held too many memories that we needed to shed. As soon as possible, and honestly it took months, she sold the house and we moved to an apartment near the college campus. We saved a few things to remember our parents by, and just sold off or donated the rest.
I had never exactly been a social lion - much closer to a wallflower, and it only got worse after my parents died. I had been a runner and used that to help me work out my grief and frustration, perhaps going overboard. I was slender before but ran so much and so hard I was borderline emaciated. I had no boobs, no ass, and in jeans, which was my preferred attire, I was regularly mistaken for a boy.
My hair was kind of short, and my features were almost androgynous, besides which I never wore makeup. It was good in a sense, since people didn't harass a 'boy' out running alone. Had I looked more feminine, I'm sure I'd have gotten more grief. Basically, I thought I was unattractive as a woman, so I never made any effort to look more attractive.
When you add my self-image to the shock of having both my parents suddenly die, I wanted no attention from men. None of them seems to have any interest in me anyhow. That only served to reinforce my belief that I was singularly unattractive. Paula tried to give me emotional support throughout all this, but a lot was strictly in my own head.
I finished my senior year of high school. Forget prom or any end of year celebrations. I had no interest in celebrating and none of the guys I knew had any interest in me. Paula indicated that it might have been partly because I was sending out signals to leave me alone. If so, it wasn't conscious, though I wasn't really interested in going out with any of them anyhow.
Though the apartment was in another school district, they let me do the last month or so of school where I'd been. Paula said it was unfair to uproot me though I wasn't sure I cared at all. So we had a two bedroom, two bath place of our own, along with enough money to cover us both until we got college degrees. The apartment didn't feel like home, but neither had the house after my parents died.
Paula had a group of friends that she used to hang with, but she pulled back from that to stay with me. I tried telling her not to put her life on hold for me, but she wouldn't hear of it. A few of her friends came by the house before we moved and the apartment after. Paula always insisted on me being a part of whatever happened. That irritated a few of her friends, but she didn't seem to care.
I almost was sleepwalking through the rest of my senior year. It just seemed less painful than the alternatives. I skipped my graduation, though Paula begged me to go. We got to the summer and I just vegged out. After a couple weeks of this, Paula sat me down for a talk.
"Lori, I know you're bummed about our parents. So am I, but we're still here and have a life to live."
"It's easier for you because you're older and had already started college."
"And now you're ready to start college. You should be spreading your wings, not sitting around depressed."
"How do I deal with not having them here anymore?"
"By starting to enjoy life."
"What's to enjoy?"
"Are there any guys you like?"
"Guys never have any interest in me."
"I could help you get them interested."
"I've got no boobs and no ass. I look like a 13 year old boy. Only gay guys have any interest."
"I could help you change that."
"I've seen most of the guys around here and they don't appeal to me."
"What about women?"
"What... what do you mean?"
"It's pretty simple. Are there any women who appeal to you?"
I found myself squirming in my seat. "I've... never really... thought of women... that way."
"Maybe you should."
"What would people think? What would you think?"
"Like the song goes, I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Actually, I did a lot more than kiss."
"I wouldn't even know what to do."
"What makes you feel good?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean when you touch yourself."
I could feel my face turn bright red and feel the heat from the blush radiating from me. "I've never really done that."
"You've never?"
I shook my head furiously and looked at the floor, embarrassed by it all.
"And you never let a boy...?"
I shook my head again.
"At least now I know why you're depressed. It isn't just over our parents' death. It's sexual frustration too."
"Please don't."
"Don't what? Don't try to get you laid? Don't tell anyone you're a virgin?"
