Note to the reader: This story is true. I am actually the husband, but I wanted to write from my wife's perspective. This happened while I was deployed with the Navy and my wife felt guilty about the whole thing and told me when I got home. Her details were a little sparse, so I filled in some blanks, but, as I said before, this is 100% true.
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Where to start? My name is Megan. I'm a boring, 30 year old mother of two, and I absolutely can't believe I'm writing this. I guess I just need a way to get my thoughts out and this is as good as any. I used to be a very religious journal writer but that fell by the wayside years ago- actually shortly after I got married.
God, my husband...
If he knew...I don't know what he would think...
My husband Colton is a Lieutenant in the United States Navy. We are currently stationed in Okinawa with the 3rd Marine Battalion. Colton is a physician, and since the Navy provides all medical care for the Marines, we get to go where they go. My husband is currently forward deployed and has been for the last 4 months. I'm here on a tiny Island in the middle of the Pacific with our two kids while he is off God knows where.
It sounds like I am complaining, but I'm not. Well, only sort of. Colton is a great husband and an excellent provider for our family. Joining the military was a joint decision, and we knew there would be challenges, but we felt like it was the right thing to do. I just never realized how lonely it would be. I supported Colton all through medical school and residency. I have taken care of our children while he was practically non-existent. Now he is deployed for the first time and it has been a real struggle for me.
I guess my biggest need is social interaction with other adults, and that has been severely lacking of late. During medical school we were poor and lived in small apartments, which put us in close proximity to lots of other students in similar situations. I thrived in that environment. We always had neighbors to talk to. When Colton had spare time, we would always have friends over, and when he was busy I had something to fill the void.
But now we have move on and up in life. Money is less tight, and my dream of moving into a house is now a reality. I was so excited to not be surrounded by the noise of neighbors on all sides, but that has come at a price. It has been harder to make friends and socialize. Our kids are five and two years old, and between taking care of them and my husband and our house, it seems that I have no time left for myself or socializing.
I guess I am just trying to justify what happened...
6 months ago when we moved to Okinawa I knew things would be different, and if I was going to survive three years on this island, I would have to make an extra effort to make new friends. And I knew that if it was going to get done, I would have to be the one to do it. Colton is a wonderful man, but he is a man in the most stereotypical ways. You know, the strong, silent type. The never go out of your way to meet people type. Definitely not a social butterfly. Sometimes I wonder how I fell in love with him.
Luckily for me, there were lots of other young families near us. Within two days of moving in, we had met several neighbors and were getting a good feel for the closeness of the community. But it wasn't until a week later that I met Sarah. Sarah and Tim moved into the house directly behind ours. If it weren't for the fence, our backyards would have touched. In fact, our kids met through the fence before we did. Cameron, my five year old, came in one afternoon excited to tell me about his new friend Lisa. After that I kept my eyes open for a chance to introduce myself to the new family.
When I met Sarah later that day it was uneventful. Our kids were both playing out back again, and I stepped out to introduce myself. We exchanged pleasantries briefly before Serena, my two year old daughter, pulled me away. We parted with the usual promise of getting the kids together soon for a play date.
Over the next few weeks I got to know Sarah better through our kids. Her daughter, Lisa, and Cameron became quick friends. And that gave Sarah and I plenty of time to sit together and talk. Sarah and Tim had just moved from San Diego. Tim was a Hospital Corpsman and was assigned to the same battalion as my husband. Sarah had been a dental assistant before, but non-military jobs were very scarce on Okinawa, and so far she had not had luck finding new work. To hear her talk about it, she was enjoying the time off.
Sarah was exactly the kind of person I needed to meet. It wasn't the stereotypical 'we have everything in common' situation, but we had similar enough personalities that we got along really well. And our differences provided lots for us to talk about. We chatted about everything from kids to books, politics, and military life. Getting to know Sarah made those first few months on Okinawa bearable. It was hard being halfway around the world on a small island, but her friendship helped fill my loneliness.
Colton, as always, was there for the family. He did his best to make sure my needs were met, but even at his best his conversations were never quite enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but the more time I spent with Sarah, the more I realized she was filling an empty space that my husband couldn't.
I wanted Colton and Tim to be friends too, but military life complicated that. Colton was an officer, and Tim was enlisted. And Colton was very adamant that fraternization between officers and enlisted was not appropriate. I know it is a rule in the military, but I find it ridiculous and I think Colton and Tim carried it too far. So Sarah and I continued to be friends and our kids were friends, but our families never really got together.
It was around this time that I found out that the Marine Unit my husband was attached to was going to be deployed for 3 months to Bahrain. I always knew this would happen, but I was still disappointed and scared. I have struggled with chronic low back and hip pain for the last few years, and I knew that a flare up would make taking care of the kids all by myself very difficult.
It was a Saturday afternoon when I finally broke down. I remember it because Colton was on call at the hospital. Sarah and I were sitting on our back patio while the kids played together.
"Tim told me last night that Colton is getting deployed." Sarah said.
"Yeah" I replied. "We found out two days ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I guess I'm just a little nervous to have him gone".
"I know it's hard. Last time Tim was deployed I was pregnant with Lisa. I was so lonely and pregnancy hormones didn't help my emotions." Sarah smiled. "But you'll get through it".
I felt a lump in my throat at the thought of being pregnant and alone. My pregnancies had both had minor complications.
"Colton is so helpful when I'm not up to taking care of the kids. I just don't know how I'll do it alone"
"Hey I'm right next door. And I can help out for sure - not like I have a job or anything"
I suddenly and unwillingly felt tears well up. I turned my head and swiped angrily at them, not wanting Sarah to see.
I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. "Hey, hey, what's this?"
I sobbed a little, and Sarah put her arm around me, pulling me in.
"You will be fine. It is overwhelming at first, but you'll make it. And I'm always around to help. Things will work out"
I sat for a moment, tears still in my eyes, but feeling comforted. "You probably think I'm pathetic" I said after a minute of silence. "You've been there and done that. I must seem like a big baby to you".
"No not at all" Sarah quickly replied. "I was just as anxious as you are, and I definitely needed help. The best thing about the military is how close everyone is and how many people help you out when you are in need. I think you'll end up surprising yourself with how well you cope.
I sat back, feeling a little better. I didn't want to dwell on it though, so I switched the subject. We spent the rest of the afternoon making small talk. And God, I remember how good it felt to have someone to talk to. I felt like I was finally making the friend that I needed.
3 months went by, and Colton left on his deployment. In a surprise twist, Tim got assigned to Colton's unit, so he ended up deploying as well. Sarah and I depended on each other heavily to get by. It was so nice to have someone to watch the kids while I went shopping or if I needed a minute alone. More than that it was nice to have someone to talk to. I still felt lonely and missed Colton, but Sarah helped fill the gap and took my mind off things frequently enough that I began to feel like I could make it.
One Wednesday afternoon I was watching Lisa while Sarah did some shopping. Sarah came back to pick up Lisa, but we started talking and she decided to stay for lunch. After lunch we were chatting while the kids played out back. Pretty soon talk turned to minor complaining as it often did.
