My first thought, upon waking, was a simple one.
My head hurts.
My second thought wasn't much better.
Was my pillow always this lumpy...?
And my third... Well, my third was downright incomprehensible, on account of the searing pain that lanced through my poor eyes when I tried to open them.
Of course, that didn't mean I could just keep my eyes closed. I mean, in that one moment I had them open, I'd noticed all sorts of things! Like leaves. And branches. And sunlight. Really
painful
sunlight. Like, so painful you'd think I'd gone years without seeing the sun, or something. Which was weird... And concerning... But
slightly
less worrying than the leaves and branches thing!
Did I fall asleep in the park or something?
The last thing I remembered was.... Hmmm.... Right! I'd been out drinking with my friends, Ted and Dave. Except they were both super light weights, compared to me, and had taken cabs home early. I, meanwhile, had kept going until closing time. After which I probably should have called a cab, but... Well, I didn't live that far away. Just across the river, really.
Of course, that wasn't to say that I'd driven drunk or anything! No. I'd just decided to take a little nighttime stroll. I mean, if there was one advantage of being a guy, it was getting to walk down the street at night in relative safety! Safety from everything except my own stupidity.
If my admittedly foggy memory serves, I made a wrong turn somewhere, and I couldn't find the bridge. I
had
found the river, though! Which led to me hopping the little fence that separated the road from the water, and wading across. I mean, it was only a couple feet deep! No problem, right? Except for the moss...
The last thing I remembered was slipping on a rock, and crashing into the water. Everything after that was just darkness. Maybe I'd hit my head? It would certainly explain the headache! I could be laying on the riverbank, even now... Though I didn't exactly hear any water...
Well, I'd worry about where I was in a second. The first step was to check my wounds. With that in mind, I raised my hand to feel at my head, and... froze. Cold sweat started to bead on my forehead, which I wiped at it with a thick and heavy hand. Then, covering my sensitive eyes with my arm, I slowly opened my eyes.
"H-Hey..." I whispered, staring at my skin. "This - this is a joke, right? Someone painted me for fun, right? Someone's messing with my head, right?" I forced out a laugh. "Ha. Ha ha. Ha."
The laughter sounded about as hollow as I felt, but I kept it up for about a minute, anyway. Can't blame a guy for trying to escape reality, right? But eventually, I gave in and poked at my forehead, again. Without a mirror, I couldn't be entirely sure, but there seemed to be two protrusions coming from either side of my forehead. Specifically, two straight horns, thick enough that I could wrap my hands around them and long enough that I actually had to slide the meaty things up a bit to hit the edge. I tried tugging them off, but it only set another burst of pain through my skull, so I quickly stopped that.
It wasn't just the weird horns, though. Even with my eyes half shut against the sun, I could tell that my arms had gotten a lot bigger, and thicker. My skin was blood red, with orange stripes running in half circles across my forearms and thick biceps. I didn't remember being that strong last night, but just based on how I looked and felt, deadlifting a couple hundred pounds wouldn't have been an issue.
That was weird, right? People didn't suddenly get stronger, right? Their skin definitely didn't turn red, and they didn't grow horns. None of these things were stuff that could just casually happen! Right!?
And then there was the matter of my chest maybe...
protruding
a bit more than I was used to. And not because of my new pecs. Not to mention a certain bit of anatomy between my legs that really should have been getting crushed by my new, thick thighs, but was (maybe mercifully) nowhere to be found.
And then I heard a scream. It was so well timed with my own panic, I had to double check I wasn't the one making it, but once I actually focused on it, I quickly realized that it was coming from deeper among the trees. There was another sound, too, fainter than the high pitched squeal. A low thud of footsteps, and the snapping sound of someone pushing aside branches.
Alright, as much as I hated to say it, self-exploration was going to have to wait for a bit. And not because I wanted to keep denying reality for a little longer, okay? That sound was getting closer to the second, and I needed to figure out whether I was moving towards it or running away!
Of course, doing either might have been a bit tricky. Just taking a step forward almost had me falling flat on my face! I mean, my elgs were a lot longer than I remembered. And my thighs were rubbing against each other in ways that should have been super uncomfortable for a man!
Then the scream came again, much closer than before. It was high pitched, and sounded feminine, though that obviously wasn't any guarantee that it didn't belong to a man. More importantly, the source of that sound was definitely getting a lot closer! I either needed to get out of the way or get ready to intercept whatever was causing the commotion. My body had a lot of new strength to it, so maybe I wouldn't have a problem either way, but I obviously wasn't used to my new form just yet. As such, the smart thing to do would be running - or at least walking - away as fast as my newly long legs could carry me. This wasn't really my problem, anyway... but could I really leave the screamer behind?
Before I knew it, I was moving towards the sound. The heavy weight of my muscles and my own imprecise control meant there was a definite thudding noise as I walked, which made me feel a little self conscious, but I didn't think whoever was screaming was in any state to care. Besides, they probably wouldn't even notice it over the noise of breaking branches, or their own scream.
"Help!" came a voice, as a figure burst forth from the trees. It was a woman, clad in a rough, homespun looking brown shirt and pants. Other than the blue hair that streamed behind her, she looked like a stereotypical peasant girl from medieval times. Or maybe feudal would be a better word, since she looked to be from Japan. Either way, the combination of peasant clothing and blue made me realize that my own body wasn't the only weird thing going on here. The blue haired peasant
and
the massive red demon that was chasing her.
Like me, this demon was blood red with orange stripes across its body, and had two horns protruding on either side of its forehead. Unlike me, he was a man. Lucky? Maybe? I felt like I should be saying that, but somehow the sentiment didn't feel quite right to me. I didn't exactly have time to worry about that, anyway.
If we were ranking according to size, the screaming woman was definitely the smallest person here. If she was five feet tall, then I was seven, and the dude she was running away from was nearing ten. Which I guess would make me pretty damn tall, but obviously lacking compared to this brute. Also, if my muscles were beautifully big, his were just plain outrageously swollen. His abs would have put a washboard to shame, and his legs were thick as trunks. All of which was on proud display, by the way, thanks to the fact that he was only wearing a loincloth. If I'd been into men, I might have even appreciated the view.
For the woman's part, she froze as soon as she saw me. Her face paled, and she looked rapidly back and forth between me and the man. "Two oni... Two oni? Gods above, whatever did I do wrong to deserve
