I hope this was worth the wait. It is one that I kept coming back to and wanted to make sure it was to my liking. Please comment and let me know what you think!
**Warning: This story consists of unfaithfulness and touches on the topic of suicide. If you do not like either of these themes, I would suggest reading one of my other stories.
XOXO SkylerLuv
******
I know I'm dreaming.
My father is watching T.V on his favorite seat in the house. He has a small blanket over his legs, the way he usually did when he intended to stay in his seat all day. His hair does not have one strand of gray hair and his smile is as bright as I remember. If this wasn't a dream, he would be older, probably have more wrinkles around his smile, and definitely more gray hairs.
I hear mom humming in the kitchen. My guess is she's preparing dinner by the slanted sunlight coming into the living room. I'm on the loveseat watching T.V but really watching my dad. This is going to hurt when I wake up. I know it will. It always does. I wish my mom would come out so that I can see her face but it has been a while since I've seen her in my dreams. The announcer catches my attention and my dad's favorite team gets a touchdown. He cheers, gets off from the couch and just as he is about to turn to me, I'm jolted awake.
Fresh tears roll down my cheeks.
******
There has been a gray cloud hanging over my head all day.
I try not to think about them as I drive back to the hotel. I would think that after all of these years I would have figured out how to cope with the empty feeling in my chest. Instead I try to fill it with alcohol, random one-night stands, and until recently smoking. Eventually I realized it is not just an empty feeling, it is a void. No matter how much I throw in there I never feel full. Never feel like I even make any real progress. Which is why I just keep doing it anyways to get at least one second of happiness, or fake happiness. It is either that or just allow the abysmal hole to take over my whole body.
Therapy helped some but I haven't been to a session since I graduated college a couple of years ago. Talking about the dead doesn't help me get over it the way I want to. Carrie, my therapist, explained that until I learn to create meaningful relationships with the girls I hook up with, I will get nowhere. Vulnerability has never been my forte.
Allowing myself to open up to people and have them decide that I am worth their time or vice versa is too much for me. So instead I stopped going to therapy and started looking for other ways to keep my mind off my parent's death and ultimately being alone.
I don't realize until I'm at the bar across from the hotel until someone sits next to me. This happens sometimes. I get lost in my thoughts and just go through the motions. I've been on autopilot. I'm ready to drink the rest of the night away and sleep it off. Hopefully no more painful dreams. And no more thinking about Carrie. I don't want to go back there.
"Are you here alone?" There is a nervous tilt in her voice. The stranger who decided to sit next to me.
It does something to my insides. I'm a sucker for the damsels. Although she has to be brave to start up a conversation with me. Even the guy I had the business meeting with earlier avoided small talk if he could help it. It's very hard for me to hide annoyance, anger, or pretty much any emotion from my face if I'm feeling it. She has to want more than chat is she's talking to me.
I turn to look at her and smile.
I guess she will do. A night wrapped up with her should help me get over this feeling for tonight at least.
******
She's a crazy one.
Her thick, brown hair falls down her back like a cascade of melted chocolate. It is shiny and layered. Her shoulder blades peak through the strands with every move she makes. She's begging for my touch. Her skin is kissed by the sun, warm and inviting. She could pass for Italian or Hispanic. She has a dancer's body, ballet if I remember correctly. I don't usually do dancers. They are too skinny, never around, always obsessing about their weight. But tonight, anyone will work. I just need to scratch the itch.
Comparing myself to her I notice my skin is lighter to hers. I am fair like my mom was. My hair is darker and my eyes are brown like my dad. I shake my head to move past the hurdle of their memory.
The way she rolls her hips back and forth just out of my reach makes me hang on to the bed frame. It is a welcomed distraction. I want to toss her on her back. Show her who is really in charge here but I let her have her moment to shine. It won't be long though. I always have control.
She turns her head to look at me and I'm stunned for a second too long. Her piercing blue eyes grip at my soul and I clench my teeth together. Her eyebrows are dark, a nice contrast from her crystal blue eyes. They're perfectly plucked and settle just an inch higher on her forehead when she sees how unsettled I am. She finds this amusing. Her smile starts to form, as if I needed another indication that she thinks my reaction is funny. I pounce with agility that surprises her. With her body under mine in the blink of an eye, she squeals and tries to buck me off her. I grab both of her wrists and push them up so they are inches from the wooden headboard. All hotels have nice thick bed frames that makes my job easier.
I pull her up effortlessly. Being 5'9 and lean makes it easier to do this to her. She's probably a couple of inches shorter but definitely much smaller. The things I can do with a flexible dancer. My mouth waters.
"Hang on to this," I wrap her fingers around the thick wood. "Don't let go or you won't get to cum."
I see the defiance in her eyes. I almost pull the plug. I don't like defiance in the bedroom. Girls think it's cute and sometimes I play along but I am not in the mood for that tonight. I need her full submission. By the way her body keeps moving under mine I can tell she has probably not done this before. A stab of regret hits my gut when she opens her mouth. I don't want this to end before it even starts. This is the only thing I got going for me tonight. If this falls apart it will be the cherry on top of the awful day I had.
My hand wraps around her neck and I give a small squeeze as a warning.
"Shhh," I run my puckered lips against her own. My hand trails up her neck and lands on her cheeks. "I don't want to hear anything come out of those fuckable lips of yours unless I ask you a direct question."
She pouts and my head tilts to the side. She's a spoiled brat. I usually don't do those either. So demanding, thinking they don't have to do as they're told simply because they're too pretty or have money. I noticed her expensive bag and high-end shoes back at the bar. She even smells expensive. Maybe this won't work. If she doesn't listen to me, I can't do it.