Sunday Morning in early March. I joined the regulars for coffee after a disappointing Saturday night; I hate to be part of a closing crowd, and so I'd left the Paradise Bar with fifteen minutes to go before the bitter end. It's my age, I suppose. As fine as I know myself to be at thirty-five, I just don't feel like competing at singles bars any more. So there I was, listening to the morning-after banter about the night before: Who did, who didn't, who got lucky, who got away.
"How about you, Elaine?" someone asked.
"No, I didn't find what I was looking for," I admitted.
"You didn't, baby? Well, maybe you weren't looking the right way." The quiet, husky voice was so close to my ear that it sounded like it was inside my head. I swung aroundβ and stared into the green eyes of an angel. A boy not much more than nineteen, those eyes belonged to, along with a tip-tilted nose, rosy mouth curved into a mischievous smile, golden skin and a mop of blond hair cut in one of those half-shaved hairstyles so popular on the campuses.
"My name's Robby," the cherub said. "Can I call you Lainie? 'Cause you sure don't look like no E -- e -- laine to me, Baby." And he licked his lips at me. "Mmnn."
Those lips were much too close. I pulled back to get a better look at him, but in the middle of winter it's hard to see much more than a person's taste in sweaters. His was an old white cableknit. He perched on the stool next to me, dangling long slender legs clad in faded Levis and high top tennies. The creature, meanwhile, was eyeing me, too.
"I saw you, at the Paradise last night," he said. "I was gonna come get you, and you disappeared. What did you do, leave early? I was heartbroken, baby -- you just broke my heart." He shook his head sadly.
Three things occurred to me. One was that, however fine a woman I am, I don't usually get teenage succubi staring sweetly into my eyes with no effort on my part. Another was that this kid had more than kissed the Blarney stone: He must have chewed a piece right off. And thirdly, if he'd been at the Paradise last night, I would have known it. That cornsilk hair of his would have drawn my eye -- and the Paradise doesn't allow minors, in any case.
"I didn't see you," was my brilliant retort.
"Yeah, you were looking the wrong way," he grinned. "If you looked back by the blue wall, you'd have seen me okay."
I thought back, puzzled. That corner has its own crowd. Women mostly, they keep to themselves and don't exactly welcome men into their space... Oh.
"Surprised?" Robby chuckled. "I could'a kept you fooled, right up until I got you home, but I believe in honesty, you know? So, I'm a woman -- but not the woman you are, baby."
"...Robby?" The female version of the boy looked to be about twenty-five.
"Roberta. My daddy's ego was as big as the sea." She made an expansive gesture. "Ooh, Lainie... I want you so bad."
"That line never works," I said, irritated. Her father had passed on his ego to his daughter, in my estimation. Those eyes, however, burned with the same fire they'd had before the deception was unveiled.
"Yeah, it works," she said. "it works all the time -- because it ain't a line. I want you, I want you. It's the truth. I was watching you all night. You scared me so bad I couldn't talk to you... And then I get my courage together and you're gone... I'm riding by some damned cafe next morning and there you are. So I get a second chance. Come with me now, baby? No sweat, I swear. If you change your mind, you can walk right out, I won't raise a hand to stop you. I can make you so happy... Or I'll die trying." She cocked her head at me to see how this went down.
In spite of myself I was intrigued. Her voice still sounded like a boy's, and no man had ever declared himself to me in such passionate words. I leaned back.
"Talk to me," I suggested. That got a glint out of the green eyes and she settled herself to do my bidding.
"Lainie, come on. You deserve the best, baby, and that's me. I wanna take your hair out of that braid and strip you out of that suit. What're you wearing a suit for, anyway? It's Sunday morning, baby. You ought to be in the raw, right now, crying in my bed... I could pin you down with one finger, I know just where to put it." There was a lot more along these lines before she paused for breath. I was getting the feeling that she meant it. She surveyed my face, a smile hovering at the corners of her mouth.
"I'm getting to you, ain't I? Oh, I can see what you're gonna look like when you come... Oh, god, Lainie, if you don't say "Yes" I'm gonna go down on my knees right here and embarrass the shit out of you." She shifted her weight on the stool. Alarmed, I put out a hand to stop her; she flinched away. "Oh, baby, don't touch me. Just say 'yes', okay?"
I could see that she could keep up the patter longer than I could hold out. I was ready for an adventure. My life had gotten so constricted and structured. What was I doing in a suit on a Sunday, anyway? Robbie was right. In fact she was so right, with her fire and ego, her unstoppable demands. I used to do "firsts," eagerly, gladly. I wanted her youth. And besides, she'd almost convinced me, with her promises of heaven. I took a deep breath: "All right, Robbie, I'll say 'Yes.'"
She leaned back, satisfied at last. "Ooh," she said, "now everybody can watch me getting lucky. Don't worry about your reputation, I'll be a boy all the way out the door." And she was, I followed, suddenly conscious that everyone was watching me get lucky... and didn't that boy look like jailbait?
"Lainie, Lainie Lainie," she chanted, vaulting the three steps down to the pavement, "can I throw my bike into your trunk?"
It was a massive, dull black thing. She took a wheel off to make it fit, and set it in as if it were made of gold, producing a bungee cord to secure my trunk lid. In the car she ran out of conversation. But her body took over, fidgeting restlessly in the seat, switching from boy to girl as I glanced over. It was fascinating. Once she looked over at me and grinned shyly.
"You make me nervous," she explained.
I didn't believe her for one minute, but she was making me feel panicky. All her patter was having its effect on me and I wished she'd start talking again. But that was all I got out of her, except for tersely delivered directions. As I'd surmised, she lived by the university. She'd ridden a long way on a cold morning. Unless she was lying and had gone home with someone in my neighborhood. It was certainly possible...