I perched myself on the counter of the bathroom as Angie ran through the oversized room and got the bathtub ready for us. I could see the steam coming from the hot water of the tub before she filled it with bubbles. After a few minutes of prep she stuck her hand in the water and smiled at me.
"It's all ready." She said with a warm grin. It wasn't anything sexual but it almost made me come. She was just so sweet, in every sense of the word, that it took my breath away. She wasn't trying to get anything she just wanted to make sure everything was perfect for us.
She reached her hand out for mine and I followed her into the hot water. As we both nestled down into the tub I sat at the far end of the tub opposite her. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep my promise of keeping my hands to myself if I was sitting with her. I felt her grab my foot as she began to rub it softly. I relaxed my head against the edge of the tub as I felt her move higher along my legs. I suddenly reached out for her hands and pulled her against me.
"If you don't want your bathroom to end up soaked I suggest that you don't start anything that you can't finish." I whispered hoarsely. She nodded and laid herself flat against my chest. We had been in bed for nearly twelve hours and that was the first time she was on top of me. I really kind of liked it.
"What happens tomorrow?" she asked after a long pause. Oh god, here we go; I told myself. This was usually where things got bad in my relationships. I sighed and moved my fingers through her wet hair.
"Well there are a few options." I said carefully after a moment of contemplation. "I could leave tonight and tomorrow we pretend none of this happened and we can continue as friends." My heart broke at just the thought of that.
"What else?" she said gently as I felt her finger rub along my collar bone.
"you remember the bartender from the club?" I asked and my angel nodded against my chest. "Roxy and I have been best friends for a long time and we have had the benefits of sex between our relationships. So if you want that then I would be up for it."
"What else?" she repeated as her fingers made lazy circles against my neck.
"We could try a relationship and see how it works out. But I need you to understand one thing." I told her as I sat her up in the tub. She looked me right in the eye and waited for me to continue. "I know this is your first relationship with a woman but I can't be your dirty little secret. If you want a relationship then I won't be hidden. No matter what you choose I will be your friend and we can keep hanging out." I waited for a response but I got none. "I'm going to go back to my place and I'm going to let you think about this. My number is on the fridge."
I stepped out of the tub and reached for the towels that she had left out for us to use. I half expected her to stop me but I wasn't surprised when I made it to the bedroom without any objections. I pulled on my pants and bra with little trouble but I hurried when I heard Angie start to get out of the tub. I threw on my top and laced up my Italian stilettos before she actually made it into the room. That was when I paused. It was like I was glued to the ground and no matter how hard I wanted to run away I couldn't move. Was I going to leave her like that? Could I? Before I could make my big escape, if I was really going to, Angie walked into the bedroom wearing absolutely nothing.
"Sit down Nikki." She told me in her soft angelic voice. My body betrayed my mind and sat right down on her bed facing the wall. I heard Angie grabbing something from the closet before walking around the bed and standing in front of me. She was wearing the same silk robe she had before. "What do you want Nikki?"
"I want a lot of things but that doesn't mean I can get them." I said with my eyes glued to the wall. I had to stay away from those emerald eyes if I was going to stay coherent.
I felt her hands cup my face and she pulled my gaze up to her eyes. "What do you want Nikki?" she repeated.
"I... I want... you." I was able to blurt out after what seemed like an eternity. "But I have been the closet lesbian girlfriend before and I can't do that again. I can't wait around for your calls and I can't hide you from my friends and family."
She smiled at me. No response. No comforting words. Just a smile. I was torn between breaking down in tears or driving out of there as fast as I could. I decided, after considering that I had only known her for half a day, to get the fuck out of there. She was not going to see me cry. I stood up and flew past her to the front door. I was half tempted to rip my number from the magnet that held it on the fridge but I just walked out to my car and sat in the driver's seat. I ran my finger over the leather of the steering wheel and I threw my head back against the headrest. What the hell had happened to my life? I was contemplating my next move whenI heard my phone ring. Without looking at the caller ID I flipped it open and answered.
"Hello." I barked into the phone. After a soft laugh on the other end then I heard the one voice I hadn't expected.
"Nikki, you left your keys inside my house." Angie giggled. This woman wouldn't give up would she? Not only had she made me look like an idiot but now I was forced to march my happy ass back into her house to get my keys. "How about you come back inside so we can talk?" this time her voice was softer, more compassionate.
Frustrated, and simply mad as hell, I stomped back to the house. Angie opened the front door and let me in. I saw my keys on the counter and rushed to grab them but Angie stood in my way.
"Why are you so angry Nikki?" she asked as she grabbed my hips. I wanted to fall to the ground under her touch but I just stood frozen.
"I can't do this, Angie. I am 25 and I can't play games with you. What do you want from me?" I asked roughly, ignoring her gentle and kind tone.
"Maybe I want what you want." She said after a slight hesitation. The pause only made me angrier.
"You don't even know what you want. How can you say that you want what I want when you have no idea how much I want you?" I turned from her and started to pace around the living room.