Marcie

My name is Barbara and I am from somewhere on Canada's east coast. I got married at age 23 and had three wonderful children, two boys with a girl between them. She always insists she is the rose between two thorns! However my life changed very significantly after my youngest son left home. There was nothing left to tie me so I left too. My husband and I although still friends were not in love with each other any more. I now know he was seeing another woman and today they are happy together. What drove me to leave was that I too had been seeing another woman. I have had an attraction towards my own gender for as long as I can remember but suppressed the feelings firstly because of my mother when I was younger and then because of my own children while they were growing up. With them all flown the nest, I gave in to my own selfish feelings and acted on my desires when an opportunity arose.

I had met a wonderful woman at a social event, we became friends, then close friends and finally after she admitted to me that she was a Lesbian, which I suspected by the way, we became lovers. When I realised I was in love with her I knew what I wanted. In short I found I preferred her to my husband, in all possible ways. After my youngest son left home, I did the same and I moved in with her. For some time we were happy living together until the rot started to set in. I wanted more stability than she did and although she didn't say so there were other things she wanted but I could see what some of them were. This all led to us beginning to have some slight disagreements. Rather than allow our relationship to degenerate totally, after all the gay community round here is small and we both felt we could not afford to lose each other as a friend, we went our separate ways. While we were together, I came out to selected close friends and my family. That was actually the biggest relief of all, I had found it increasingly difficult to suppress and hide my feelings once I had become gay.

After we split, I was on my own for the first time in 26 years living in my own apartment and free to make all my own choices. One of them was that I would exclude men from my life and pursue other female friends and lovers exclusively.

Since my girlfriend and I parted, I have had two lovers. One has been a regular but occasional lover due to her commitment to her family and marriage. The other was a one-night stand that I had hoped might lead further but she told me the whole thing had been a mistake when I called her a few days after our tryst. She claimed she was not gay and not attracted to women, something I do not believe for a second. How could a woman so readily go off with another female to her home with her, be so physical in bed with her and especially perform oral sex on her with such lust confidence and vigour if she is not attracted to other women? I believe her feelings confused and frightened her and she chose to suppress her attraction to her own gender in self denial. I just hope she finds contentment because she is a lovely person.

I do now have another girlfriend and we are blissfully happy together. It does mean I have stopped seeing my married friend. I was afraid she would take my ending our affair badly but I need not have worried. She was so good about it and I suspect slightly relieved she no longer has to live a lie about the true nature of our relationship.

The roots of my new love can be traced back to the moment I came out to my daughter. She was surprised, no stunned is a better word, when I told her I had moved in with a woman and we were lovers. After getting over her surprise she hugged me and thanked me. When asked why, she told me I had just made her life easier because now she could tell me that she had experimented with another girl. She had been worried about telling me in case I was mad at her. We have always been open and truthful with each other and eventually she would have told me. How could I be mad at her for doing what I had done? I told her not to tell her brothers and that she and I would keep her sexuality a secret between us. However I did tell my sons I was gay.

When I was living with my girlfriend, my daughter stayed with us for the weekend a few times. My daughter knew the true nature of our relationship and she did see us together in bed one Sunday morning during one of her later visits. For many years I have enjoyed a cup of tea in bed on Sunday mornings and my loving kind daughter had remembered this. She waltzed into our room carrying the tea tray while we were still in bed cuddling. My girlfriend and I always slept naked and our bodies were exposed. My daughter and I had been accustomed to nudity as we went around naked at home when none of the males were around. None of us were embarrassed so we didn't cover up and my daughter sat on the edge of our bed while I sipped my tea. She could see how happy I was with my girlfriend and when the split came she shared my pain. I never did tell my daughter the rot started after another of her weekend visits during which she walked around naked and I saw my girlfriend look at her hungrily. I didn't mind that she looked at my daughter but the obvious desire in her eyes hurt me because it told me I didn't mean as much to my girlfriend as she did to me and it especially hurt because she obviously desired my own daughter, possibly over me, which made me feel rejected. My girlfriend tried to laugh it off when I challenged her about it but I could tell my words got through to her. Thereafter our relationship was not quite the same.

My daughter was, and still is, at university in a town a few hours drive from where I live. Her first year was spent in residence, and then she got an apartment with another girl. I met her briefly once and wasn't impressed with her. I thought she was very immature, and so actually did my daughter but she liked her as a study friend because this girl was so good at the course work and my daughter could use her to improve her own grades! The other girl graduated at the end of that year and my daughter got another apartment with a different girl. Of course being a curious mother I wanted to meet this girl and see the apartment so I invited myself to visit.

I had no idea what to expect and I was pleasantly surprised at the apartment. I knew this girl would be a much nicer girl, my daughter has very good tastes in her choice of friends and she had told me this girl was a true friend rather than someone to live with and crib from. The apartment was on the second floor in a converted house and was very nice being clean and well decorated. I was pleased to see it had its own metal fire escape. For me escape from fire is very important because I once witnessed a car crash in which a man was trapped inside a burning car and I could never face the thought of myself or any of my family or friends suffering such a horrible death.

What I didn't expect to see was that the two girls shared not only the one bedroom but also the queen-sized bed in it. My daughter admitted to me that she had progressed beyond experimenting and that she is also gay. My sleeping place was the couch in the living room, hardly the most comfortable thing to sleep on but going out with them wore me out so I could sleep anywhere although it took ages to get to sleep for another reason entirely! The walls were not very thick and sound penetrated them easily. I could hear their sounds of passion in the next room and I admit I got excited. I should be ashamed to admit that considering one of the two people I could hear was my own daughter. Be that as it may, I did take my nightie off and pleasure myself there on the couch knowing what was happening a few feet away. There is no way I would ever have gone into their room, that would be just too horrible to consider, so if you are looking for descriptions of incest, go away!

Unfortunately I fell asleep before I put my nightie back on and in the morning when my daughter brought me my tea there I was with nothing on exposed to the world while I slept. She has always been quick on the uptake and apologised if they had kept me awake. Reddening slightly I told her it was OK, I knew what they were feeling together and the love they were sharing. My daughter looked at me and asked if I still missed my girlfriend. I couldn't speak because for some reason I got all choked up and started to cry. She came over to me and held me tight while I got it out of my system. That was the first time I had cried since the split and I guess I needed to let my emotions boil over. She got me some tissues and gradually my tears stopped. When I was smiling again, she told me it was time I found someone new to share my life with. I agreed with her and despite my looking had so far failed to find a new girlfriend with whom I could share my life.

A few weeks later my daughter called one evening to ask if she could stay the weekend with me. I was delighted and said yes immediately. When I asked if she would bring her girlfriend she said yes of course, but she also wanted to bring someone else too and asked if I minded. She told me her friend was a girl a bit older than herself who needed a weekend off campus for a break from her studies. I said any friend of her's was a friend of mine and so it was arranged. I decided to give my daughter and her girlfriend my room and her friend the guest room and take the couch for myself.

During the week I cleaned my apartment thoroughly, it wasn't dirty but I am fastidious about housekeeping. I did some cooking and put a few dishes in the freezer. On the Friday evening, they all arrived around 8:00pm, very hungry after working all day and then driving for four hours. I already knew her girlfriend and the new woman was introduced to me briefly before we all sat down together to eat. During dinner, I got the chance to get to know Marcie slightly. I said woman earlier because she is a little older than my daughter. I now know she is in her mid thirties. Like me she is a brunette, but unlike me she was a little bit let's say chubby although definitely not hugely overweight. While my daughter and I talked and laughed together I am afraid the other two were left a little on the periphery. However we saw the error of our ways after a little cough from her girlfriend. Suitably rebuked we involved the other two in the conversation. I soon discovered that Marcie had a keen sense of humour and a sparkling intellect. Conversation with her was both a challenge and a pleasure and gradually the other two became excluded from what we were talking about. Do you know for the life of me I cannot remember what we talked about! My daughter and her girlfriend noticed how Marcie and I were paying a lot of attention to each other, but they didn't mind in the slightest. After dinner, the three of them insisted on clearing up the kitchen and in my own home ordered me out of my own kitchen! I would never admit I was grateful because I was feeling a little tired and appreciated putting my feet up on the couch. Thinking about the night ahead I was grateful my couch was more comfortable than my daughter's!

They were all tired and went to bed early. Of course there were protests about the sleeping arrangements but I would have none of it. My daughter and her girlfriend slept in my bed and Marcie slept in the guest room. The couch was really quite comfortable but I am glad I am no taller! On the Saturday morning we all lounged around and had a very lazy unhurried breakfast. Marcie had begun to join in the mother and daughter banter and laughter. While the two younger girls went to get showered and dressed, Marcie and I were left alone for the first time.

She commented that I was a very tolerant mother letting her daughter bring her female lover to stay to which I replied, "And why not? Did they mention I am gay?"

Marcie looked surprised and then answered, "No, I didn't know that. Did they tell you I am gay too?"

While I had suspected that might be so her disclosure still surprised me with the frank and open way she admitted it. While I am open to selected close friends and family, I do not flaunt my sexuality and only rarely tell someone I have met only a few hours before that I am gay.

The other two came back and Marcie went for her shower. Good job I have plenty of towels, we had bought some top of the line towels when I was still married and I managed to take them before my former husband missed them after the marriage ended. My daughter asked what I thought of Marcie and I had to say honestly she is such a vibrant and lovely person. I knew Marcie was bright and I wasn't surprised to learn she was on the point of completing her PhD. She is a very talented woman in so many ways.

We went out for the afternoon and showed Marcie around the town doing all the usual touristy things and then showed her the local things. There is one restaurant off the beaten track that tourists don't know about and the food is better than any of the glitzy expensive tourist traps and half the price! Another bonus is that the owners are friends of mine, not that I take advantage, I always pay but we received better service and free drinks. I insisted on paying but allowed a vague promise that the girls would treat me next time. No I will not tell you where this wonderful restaurant is but I will say it looks thoroughly disreputable from the outside which is what keeps it a hidden jewel from non-locals.

Back at my apartment we all sat in the living room enjoying a bottle of wine and sharing a wonderful conversation. My daughter's girlfriend was a lot less shy now she knew me and unlike previously joined in fully. I was so glad to see her join in and be one of the family. I had started to like Marcie a lot and monopolized her attention, something not lost on my daughter. She told me about her doctoral thesis, a subject that went right over my head. It had something to do with a discovery she had made about trees. Don't ask me to tell you what it was all about because I don't understand. However I could see the passion she had for the subject and she was a compelling speaker with a wonderful musical voice that held your attention. Perhaps I was becoming smitten with her even then.

All too soon a wonderful weekend came to a close and the three of them had to return to university. I received not only my usual hug from my daughter but one from her girlfriend. That meant a lot to me as it meant she was accepting me into her family. I had accepted her into ours and she understood that. Marcie thanked me profusely and promised she would come again and invited me to hear her present her doctoral thesis at her dissertation. I realised what an honour she was bestowing on me and accepted.

A few weeks later I received a formal invitation from Marcie and planned my visit. As this was a formal occasion, I selected one of my better business outfits and then changed my mind completely and went out to buy a new dress. I was pleased I did, as although the occasion was formal, my original outfit would have been too formal if that makes any sense.

I was surprised to find out my daughter had not been invited and when I asked Marcie why not during the reception before the formal dissertation began, she replied that she wanted me to be there to support her as she had found I was a real friend. Then for the first time she hugged me. She told me how nervous she was and asked for my support during her presentation. I promised I would be rooting for her and gave her a hug of support. She smiled but still looked nervous.

I found my way into the lecture theatre and took a seat towards the back on one side where she would be able to see me. To be honest I found the whole process incomprehensible while Marcie presented her thesis and then a number of professors questioned her while trying to demolish her ideas. They did not succeed and she had all her answers ready for them as though she knew in advance what they would ask. She came across as a very confident and smart woman who knew exactly what she was talking about. After the presentation and the questioning the professors went into a side room to confer. Marcie came and sat next to me and to my surprise she was literally shaking because she was so nervous. After a little while, an usher came to summon her to the professors. A few minutes later Marcie returned looking stunned then burst into such a radiant smile and just grabbed me and squeezed me tight.

"I did it!" she almost shouted. "I got my PhD!!"

I was so delighted for her but also still a little puzzled about why I was her only support. She later told me her parents disowned her because she was as they so charmingly put it queer. Forced to face life alone, she told me I was one of the very few people to be openly supportive of her. She told me she preferred more mature minds because they have life experience and more importantly depth and understanding. Like me, Marcie values intelligence and intellect and especially those who know how to use them.

I stayed with my daughter that night and the next evening went with Marcie as her guest to a faculty dinner where she was the Guest of Honour for achieving her Doctorate. Doctor Marcie had to make a short speech. As Guest of Honour she sat at the top table while I sat at the far end of one wing. I did not mind, this was her evening and I was so delighted to see her enjoy her success. The dinner ended a little earlier than I had expected and Marcie and I found we had the rest of the evening to ourselves. As it was a Friday evening, on a whim I asked Marcie if she would like to spend the weekend with me in my apartment and relax after her stressful week. She accepted saying that would be lovely. We went to her little apartment and she packed a small bag, then I collected my things from my daughter's apartment glad not to have another night on that couch! The drive took us just under four hours and it was almost 2:00am when we arrived at my home. Both of us were very tired and quickly I threw some clean bedding on the guest bed for Marcie then went to my own bed where I fell asleep almost immediately. Marcie told me the following morning she too went straight to sleep very tired and very happy.

The next morning I was up before Marcie and decided I wanted to cook her a homemade dinner that evening. When she was awake we had breakfast together and I told her what I had planned. She loved the idea and told me how much she had enjoyed the dinner I had prepared a few weeks before. We went out shopping and bought all the ingredients then went home where I got busy. Marcie helped me as best she could. Despite being a brilliant woman she was not a genius in the kitchen although that has changed now. I lit candles and we enjoyed a quiet dinner together with lots of wine. Afterwards I moved the candles to the coffee table and we relaxed on the couch. Marcie held my hand and looked into my eyes as she thanked me for being there for her. She looked so lovely in the candlelight and I began to hope for something more from our rapidly developing relationship.

She was still looking into my eyes when she said quietly, "Barbara, I want so much to kiss you, would you mind?"

I was surprised but also pleased, however I said, "But Marcie I am so much older than you are, are you sure? You are such a lovely young woman, how can you want to kiss an oldie like me?"

She then surprised me by saying, "I am 35 years old Barbara, and although I know you are older than me, you don't look it. I want to kiss you. May I, please, pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Marcie was 35? Impossible, she didn't look over 30 at the very most. But how could I refuse her?

Looking into her eyes, I moved forward and just before our lips met I shut my eyes and pressed forward. Marcie pressed her lips against mine and we lightly kissed. Her hand continued to hold mine as we gently pressed our lips together. Breaking apart, we held each other lightly. She was so warm in my arms.