"Shelley are you alright?"
Michelle Marks stared out the seaplane window with a blissful smile on her face as she tapped her foot nervously, her chest heaving up and down like she was running a marathon. She'd been in dreamland throughout their 15 minutes in the air, and it took more than a few moments for Izzy's words to register.
Her eyes didn't move from the Mediterranean below. "Don't call me Shelley please. Iz, how many times do I have to say it?"
"Well a bunch more for sure, I've been ignoring you since middle school. Babe, you are either panicking or the most excited person in the entire world, which is it?"
Michelle took a deep breath and smiled. "Can you believe how many different shades of blue this water is? I mean, I've been to Hawaii and the Caribbean, but this place..." Her voice trailed off as she finally turned to the seats across the aisle. Her friends Isabella Gardner and Kaia Cole were staring intently, eyebrows raised.
"Guys, I'm fine. I've been telling you for weeks that you're worrying over nothing."
Kaia chimed in. "Yeah, and WE'VE been telling YOU that, at some point, you're going to feel overwhelmed. We love you and we're gonna be there when it happens."
Izzy reached over and gently placed her hand on Kaia's knee in that casual way that almost goes unnoticed between people as annoyingly in love as they were. Their fingers intertwined and Kaia leaned in and gently kissed Izzy's shoulder. Michelle sighed and thought of Robert. Her breath caught in her throat and she turned to look back outside. The moment would pass, it always did.
The island of Mallorca isn't enormous, but it was getting so in the window as the pilot started their descent toward the resort. The confluence of events that had gotten Michelle here had been both unlikely and upsetting, but she considered this trip the beginning of the second half of her life. Still, Kaia's concerns were well-founded given the baggage Michelle was bringing on the trip.
About 2 months ago, her marriage had fallen apart. It was a long time coming, and there weren't any kids or money problems to amp up emotions or lawyer bills, but she cared for Robert deeply and losing him simply as a friend was tough. You can overcome emotional issues, communication issues or sexual issues, but rarely all three.
They had been married for 15 years, since Michelle was 23, and throughout their 20s and early 30s, they'd been electric in the bedroom. They fully embraced their kinky sides, had enormous appetites, and neither was afraid to ask for what they wanted. Thing was, Rob was uncomfortable with the one thing Michelle ached for most. Other people in their bed.
Michelle was adamant with Rob that it wasn't about feeling unfulfilled, just SUCH an overwhelming desire that she was scared she'd feel incomplete without the experience. He promised to keep considering it and talking about it, but it never came close to getting off the ground. And Michelle could possibly have lived with the disappointment, she really could have. Rob was wonderful to her. Until he wasn't.
About 3 years ago, Rob began to pull away. He let himself go too, gained about 25 pounds, didn't dress as nice or groom himself as carefully. Their sex life suffered, and he became perpetually detached and grumpy. Michelle tried everything from slutty lingerie and new toys to just sitting him down and talking, but nothing worked. Not even therapy. Then one final straw. She fell in love with someone else.
Michelle's marketing work for the Toronto Raptors was a dream job. She had played in university, been a fan since they'd existed, and she'd been in the front office for almost 10 years. When Kendra came to work for her, the job became something like perfect. She was smart, made everyone's job easier, had personality for days and looked better in a skirt and high heels than anyone should be legally allowed.
Michelle had long known that her attraction to women had been more than mere curiosity. In her own mind, and out loud to select people, she'd identified as bisexual for years, but certainly never to Rob.
As her husband became more and more of a stranger, this beauty almost 15 years her junior became, at first, a welcome respite during their hours together at work. Gradually though, Kendra went from distraction, to fantasy, to preoccupation, to a bit of an obsession.
Kendra talked lovingly about her boyfriend Jason, so Michelle was fine keeping those feelings where they belonged, at home with a vibrator. But after three years of spending over 50 hours a week together, plus social occasions, she realized the feelings she had for Kendra had become deep and frightening.
One Friday afternoon, she teared up simply bidding Kendra adieu as she headed off for a week's vacation down south. Michelle pictured her having marathon sex sessions with Jason while she slept in a cold bed next to Rob, and knew that she'd allowed herself to fall in love.
But it wasn't then that she sat Rob down to talk to him. No, it wasn't until about 10 days later, upon Kendra's return to work and "the incident". Of course, the young blonde looked glorious, rested, tanned and was smiling ear to ear. Kendra requested a private meeting in Michelle's office at the end of the day to discuss something important, and Michelle immediately made time for her.
"I'm pregnant," Kendra had said, smiling even wider now.
Michelle had hopped up. "OMG, get over here!" She'd never really HUGGED Kendra before, like lovingly embraced her, and the electricity that shot through Michelle in that moment instantly made her uncomfortable. She'd always been so confident in her ability to disguise feelings, but suddenly felt vulnerable. Michelle went to pull away, but both of Kendra's hands went to Michelle's ass, pulling her close.
Michelle's mouth was agape. She pulled away to protest, but Kendra filled it with her tongue. For several minutes they kissed passionately, conscious of the workplace mere feet away, but also not caring that much.
Michelle knew that if she broke the kiss, she'd either have to put a stop to it forever, or lock her door and make a clothing pile in the corner. Eventually, while Michelle's head swam with pros and cons for both, it was Kendra who broke it.
The younger girl dabbed at her lipstick and looked at the floor. "I...I don't know whether to apologize or not."
Michelle had come SO close in that moment to going with the door locking plan, but instead she exercised restraint she didn't know she had. "Kendra," she'd said, backing up into her chair, "why don't we meet at Paradise Grapevine in a half hour and talk?" Kendra had just nodded and almost run away.
The Grapevine chat was both wonderful and impossible. Michelle put Kendra at ease right away by telling her she wasn't angry, and Kendra laughed at the notion that Michelle had been hiding her feelings well. She'd known Michelle had wanted her for a very long time and told her she was a common turn on for her and Jason in bed. They had fantasized about Michelle forever.
This thrilled Michelle, but also broke her heart, knowing their jobs would always be a barrier. Kendra argued the opposite, stating that everyone was an adult, Michelle's marriage was clearly over, and it was just sex. But Michelle didn't want to risk her career, or that of her young friend. Plus, it wasn't simply desire for Michelle.
The agreement they came to that night was the smart one, but it made work difficult. Things weren't uncomfortable, they cared about each other deeply and worked well together still, but the heat. My god, the heat was always there. They had come so close to stepping over the line so many times.
The biggest victim of "the incident" had been Rob and Michelle's marriage. Michelle knew that night that she couldn't go on unfulfilled at home, and she had known for over a year that Rob wasn't going to match her effort to make things right. By that weekend, she was in a hotel in downtown Toronto and looking for a house.
