Love Yourself

This is a bit of a metaphorical (in a heavy-handed way) piece of erotica. It was an attempt to go shorter than I usually write. Please let me know what you think!

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"Close your eyes, June," Dr. Reshma said.

June sighed against the couch. "This is all very network TV. You know that, right?"

Dr. Reshma rolled her eyes. "Eyes closed."

"Fine."

June let her eyes close slowly and tightened her jaw. She didn't believe this would work, but she was still nervous.

"Listen to my voice," Dr. Reshma said.

"As opposed to?"

"June."

"Sorry."

"Now," Dr. Reshma explained in a cool, calm voice, "Hypnosis is all about immersion. I need you to visualize what I ask you to visualize and answer my questions honestly. And June, if you joke, if you deflect, we will start over and you will be here all day."

"Okay, fine," June said.

"Let's begin. Why are you here, June?" Dr. Reshma asked. June wanted to snap that the doctor already knew the answer, but she had agreed to be proper.

"Because," June's hands started to wring together, "Because...I'm sad?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't like myself very much."

"I understand, June. Now, I want you to imagine a place you feel comfortable." Dr. Reshma paused for a few moments. She turned on some ambient music. Soft piano and nature sounds. "Where do you see?"

"The beach," I said, "I'm at the beach."

"Tell me about this beach. Which beach?"

"Sarah's parents had a beach house. They'd take us all the time. That beach."

"Tell me about the house."

"Um," Sarah was there. She could see it, and walked through it in her mind. "It was simple. A living room, a kitchen, two bedrooms."

"More."

"Um..." June tried to think, "There was a front porch facing the water with these outdoor showers next to it. Three little steps to the porch and the front door. They left a big stack of beach chairs by the door."

"Good," Dr. Reshma said, "Be there. With no one else. See yourself on the steps to the front door. Sitting. See yourself as you were. Watch yourself from the shore. Visualize this." Her voice was getting softer, "Now sleep. Let your eyelids be heavy and sleep. Fall into it."

This wasn't working. June was only not opening her eyes so as to not offend.

"Now open your eyes," Dr. Reshma said.

June...didn't want to. It was comfortable. She kept them closed. Eventually, she realized it had been a long time, so they opened.

======

She was on the shore. The shore she had visualized. But this wasn't a dream, she was

there

. But she couldn't be. It must have been a dream. She looked down at her slim body in a swimsuit and a coverup dress over, felt the sand in her toes, felt the hat on her head blocking the sun, the tint of the world from behind sunglasses, and her hair flowing down far almost to her stomach, brown locks flowing in the breeze.

Trying as hard as she could, she tried to remember the feel of the simple clothes she had been wearing and the couch on her back. But she couldn't. It was like she was trapped somewhere new.

With a long breath, June took a step back, sand shifting and sticking to her pale skin, feeling very much real. She turned to the house, but stopped immediately.

Someone was on the front porch, sitting on the stairs. June couldn't quite make them out. It looked like a young woman and, from a distance, a pretty one with blonde hair. But Sarah didn't have blonde hair, so it couldn't have been her. June looked away, feeling like she was ogling and deciding to walk down the shore. When she looked right, and looked left, the beach seemed to just end into blackness. Even the scent of the ocean was weaker if she stepped away from the house or the water. This was all that was in this world. This section of beach, an endless ocean, and the house.

Sun high in the sky, she went to the house. As she got closer more features of the woman became clear. A deep tan, blonde hair, dark eyes, a full figure, a big smile. The woman put a hand on her brow to shield the sun. June got closer and her eyes widened. She took her sunglasses off and knew who it was.

"Why are you here?" The woman asked, still smiling.

"I..." June couldn't speak. "You..."

"You're old," the woman laughed, "I guess it was inevitable. How old?"

"Thirty," June said.

"Damn," the woman nodded and pointed at herself, "20."

"Oh."

The woman was her. It was June. June at age 20, a younger woman, desperately in love with her college girlfriend, Sarah. She looked just as June remembered in an old photo of her sitting on that same porch in a coverup dress and a bikini vaguely showing through the dress. She had a fuller body back then. She had dyed blonde hair and a tan from too much time in the sun. She was so different, and yet so similar. One in the same.

"You can call me January," June's younger self said.

"Why?"

Her younger self shrugged. "So, again, why are you here? It's been a decade. What happened? You're skinnier - lucky. And pale. And why'd you ditch the blonde?"

"We had to get a job eventually, kid," June said, "Can't just play volleyball all day."

"Would it kill ya to play, like, once year?" January asked.

Was I always this annoying?

June thought. She moved to go up the steps but January stood. June couldn't help but look at her body in a bit of envy. "Uh-uh," January said, pointing to the right where the outdoor shower was, "Sarah and her mom will kill you if you drag all that sand in there."

She was right, but June also somehow knew Sarah wasn't there. June nodded and pulled off her dress to be in her sky blue one-piece swimsuit that came down in a deep V in front. She stepped under the outdoor shower and pulled the handle, trying to mist off the sand she found around her body.

January watched her from the porch. Then she hopped over the wooden rail and splashed into the ground by June.

"Be careful," June told her, "You could slip!"

"Okay, old lady," January said. June rolled her eyes. She was only thirty.

January stripped off her own cover up and was in a dark blue bikini that was probably a bit too small. Blue had always been June's color, but had she really worn something like that before? January seemed to exude so much confidence.

January bumped into her and tried to share the water. It seemed odd they could touch. Their skin pressed against each other and June felt she would be uncomfortable if this was anyone else, but it was, well, her. So it didn't feel too strange.

"You missed a spot," January told her and turned her around. She moved her hands down the bare area of June's back.

"T-thanks," June said, feeling a little redness in her cheeks. Then January's hands traveled down and cupped June's butt, wiping the sand from the underside of her cheeks. It was the way Sarah used to do it. June bit her lip.

Am I really getting turned on right now?

She thought,

Isn't that kinda fucked up?

She held back any noise that came up to the surface and January and continued to wipe down her body, thankfully avoiding any particularly sensitive areas.

"Okay, all set," January said, and moved into the water to start washing herself, tilting her head back and letting her blonde locks soak.

June went to the porch and used her towel to dry off. She left her dress and opened the door, waiting for January, but January just kept washing herself. "Done yet?" June asked.

"Oh," January said, "That's it for me. You head in. Someone's waiting for you."

"Who?" June asked.

January shrugged, "How should I know? I haven't gotten there yet."

======

Inside June closed the door and could still see January out in the shower enjoying the falling water. June was suddenly dry head to toe and, instead of wearing that one-piece, she was wearing a bikini. The same bikini January, her twenty year-old self, had been wearing. It probably fit her a little better than January. She walked into the living room and found someone on the couch. It was her. Again.

"Hey," the woman said, "I'm February." This version of her was blonde too, but her dark roots were growing in. She wore a dress the color of sea-foam and had a tassel around her neck with jade earrings dangling from her ears. Again, June could see the picture of her in this outfit in her mind. It was from her college graduation. This version of her, February, was 22.

"Why are you here?" February asked, seemingly concerned with her own future.

June stared at the woman in envy once again. She remembered that day. The day of graduation. The day Sarah asked her if they could move in together. June had never been so happy.

"I'm sorry," June said, both out of instinct and to answer the young woman's question.

February curled a finger at June and June walked to her, feeling exposed in her swimsuit. The woman reached a hand and June took it. February guided June to lay on the couch over her lap.

"Further down," February told her, and June shifted till her face was almost at the end of the couch. She heard rummaging behind her and looked up to see a camcorder had appeared in front of the couch. June recognized it. The night of graduation, Sarah and her had used it to try and make a sex tape. They had failed miserably.

The TV off to her right turned on. June looked at it and saw her ass in February's lap in it, like a live feed from the camcorder.

"Why are you sorry?" February asked.

"Because...you have everything right now," June said, laying her head down on the soft cushion in dismay, "And I'm going to lose it all for you."

February nodded and lifted her hand, then brought it down.

Smack.

June's mouth shot open, but she held back any noise. February was just like her when she graduated, thinking she was hot shit.

Smack.

"Ah!" June let out, but it wasn't a noise that conveyed a lot of pain. She knew this feeling. Sarah had given it to her before. They'd been experimenting with it around this time.

Smack.

This one was on her right ass cheek now. June let out another cry that shifted to being a moan.

"How long has it been since you...?" February asked. They had also been experimenting with orgasm control at the time.

"A long time," June panted.

Smack. Smack. Smack.

"Oh god," June whined. Her knees rubbed against each other. February hooked a finger through the swimsuits material and pulled, pulling all the material between June's cheeks and exposing her ass to February almost completely. The material pressed between her legs and June bit into the cushion underneath her. She watched intently as February looked into the camera, staring back at her through the screen.

"I asked how long?" She said.

June answered truthfully. "A year and a half."

February was shocked. Who wouldn't be shocked after hearing someone hadn't had an orgasm for a year and a half, but that was the truth for June. February's hands drifted along June's ass. June's ankles twisted with each other in suspense. February made a line down to touch June's covered sex, giving it the gentlest of strokes.

June's whole body trembled in need. She let out a beg through gritted teeth as this younger version of her touched her in the most intimate way. "This is fucked up," she moaned, but couldn't help enjoying it.

"No less so than masturbation," February shrugged. And then...

Smack. Smack. Smack.

Then a kiss. Onto June's bare ass that made her practically beg for attention to her pussy. Instead...

Smack. Smack. Smack.

February guided June to kneel up, then stand.

"That's it?" June asked.

"Yes," February nodded.

"What's next?" June said, but shook her head, "Oh yeah, nevermind. You wouldn't know, would you?"

"Nope," February said, but pointed to the doorway to a bedroom. June swallowed hard, ass burning, and entered the bedroom.

======

This room was Sarah's parents' bedroom, the largest of the bedrooms but still rather simple other than the king-sized, four poster bed in the middle. June entered the room with her head down, trying to recover from the pain and frustration of her ordeal with February. She turned around after entering and shut the door, catching a glimpse of February sitting on the couch and playing with the graduation tassels around her neck.

As June expected, the moment the door shut her wardrobe shifted. The bikini was gone, and in its place was the sea-foam dress February had been wearing. A professional, if slightly short, dress, with tassels hanging around her neck and earrings dangling at her ears. June removed the earrings and the tassels. She also had to note she had no panties on at all. June vaguely remembered Sarah daring her to do so that day. College-June was a bit wild.

June turned around to find a new woman. And yet, as she came to expect, a familiar one.

"March, I assume?" June said.

"Wow," March grinned, "You must be some kind of genius."

March was slightly slimmer than January and February, mostly in the face. She didn't have June's brown locks or the blonde locks of the younger girls. Her hair was a natural looking (but not actually) shade of red. She had to be at least 24 that meant. She wore a pair of jeans, a smart, classy button up blouse, and had a jacket tied around her waist.

"When did you...I...

we

wear that?" June asked, not sure of the answer.

"Only once," March said, "The promotion."

It came back to her. June had worn the outfit to work on casual Friday the day she got the news of a big promotion. June loved her job, and the promotion was everything she had wanted. She had worked so hard for it too. She remembered a photo taken at a happy hour the day she was told the news. It was in a bar, her coworkers around her, all clashing glasses and celebrating. This was the outfit from that picture.

June also remembered coming home that night to Sarah and having a huge fight. She couldn't remember what it had been about.

March beckoned her over. Unlike the last two, she seemed sweet. Sweeter than June had ever remembered being.

June came to her and March guided her to lay down on her stomach on the bed. June wasn't sure she could take more spankings, but March didn't seem to have any malice in her. She helped June slide her dress up.

"No panties?" March asked.

"Blame the college us," June told her, and March laughed. June wondered when the last time she had laughed like that was.

March looked in a drawer. June remembered once getting a nasty sunburn and Sarah bringing her into her parents room to use their aloe rub. Before the memory fully formed it was pushed away by March putting some of that rub on June's butt and rubbing it in to soothe her red skin.

"Ooooh," June sighed, feeling the relief instantly. She wasn't sure aloe would actually help with a spanking, but in whatever world she had entered it definitely seemed to.

March's hands were so sure of themselves, massaging and pressing the soothing substance into June. "Our ass is more toned," she said to June.

"I run a lot now," June explained.

"We hate running," March said.

"It gets the mind off things." There were a few moments of quiet. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"The last two weren't nice?"

"January was fine, but February didn't like me once she found out that, well, that Sarah and I weren't together anymore."

March's hands stopped for a moment, then continued. "Well, I don't know," She said, "Right now, for me, we are working for what you want. We're taking good care of ourselves." Her hands got more elaborate and June suddenly remembered what Sarah and she had been experimenting with sexually at the time. "It's important to take care of ourselves."

Her hands moved in now, between June's cheeks, tickling her rosebud for just a moment. June's whole body spasmed. She remembered the first time she was touched there. In the shower with Sarah. They were going to get out when she held June close. Her hands soapy, cupped June's butt. She traveled in and June didn't stop her as Sarah had hinted at her desire for it before. So June let her and was shocked when she didn't hate it.

March poured more aloe rub and pressed around June's little hole gently, the way she liked it. March pushed just a bit inwards, but only a bit. It was enough for June to be pressing against the bed, hoping for something to grind against. She did this for a little while, but then March pulled June up.

All the aloe was gone from both June's ass and March's hands in an instant. She sat June up to lean back and nestle into her, her chin settling on June's shoulder. March's hands moved up June's front, cupping June's breasts.

June let out a wanton cry of approval and desire. March's hands squeezed her roughly, which June liked when she had clothes on, but preferred it more gentle when they were bare. "Please," June moaned, and March complied as she kissed June's neck.

Already putty in March's arms from the hand and lip attention March was paying her, June couldn't believe how good it felt when March found her sex. It was wet and waiting, andMarch rubbed her delicate lips gently.

"Oh, please," June said, looking back into her own eyes and leaning towards them. March dipped down, though, and nibbled on June's ear. June shuddered. March slid a finger slowly into June's tight pussy. June grasped onto her past selves thighs in her moan for more. "Yes. Yes. Yes." She let out as March pumped into her. It had been so long.

So long.

The pleasure radiated through her. As if shot from March's finger into her sex and moving up ever nerve and vein in June's body, spreading out to every dead end it could find. June was going dizzy. This orgasm was going to be incredible. She knew it.

But then, June remembered. She remembered the fight she and Sarah had that night. It started because June had been out a little later than she said she would. She told Sarah she was overreacting, but Sarah was so angry they didn't speak for days. They eventually made up. And when they did, Sarah had made June cum just like this. And June had let her slip away...

"Stop," June moaned, pushing at March's wrist, then louder, "Stop!"

March did. June pushed March's finger from her and slid off the bed. "June," March said, "We shouldn't stop being good to ourselves."

"I'm done," June said. "I'm done with this place. I'm done with being here. I'm done. I'm waking up."

"Are you asleep?" March asked.

"I...I don't know. I'm just done."

======

June pushed out the bedroom door, closing it behind her, seeing March on the bed rubing aloe along her skin. The door shut and her clothes shifted again to the jeans, blouse, and jacket around her waist that March had been wearing. June pulled the jacket from around her waist and tossed it to the floor, heading for the front door.

On the way, though, she heard something. It was to her right, in the kitchen. She looked to her left to see February, still on the couch playing with her tassels. Outside, through the window, January was still in the outdoor shower, constantly washing away the sand. June's curiosity got the best of her, and she dipped into the kitchen.

There was another her. Still redheaded, but finally had lost the tan of her other earlier selves and was pale like June. This woman was in the kitchen seat. Her hands were tied around her back. A scarf was tied around her neck with a knot, and the other end of it was in her lap. And in her mouth was a balled up pair of panties. A blindfold was around her eyes. She was whimpering a little. As far as clothes, the woman was completely naked.

June walked in, sort of mystified seeing herself naked like this. "April?" June asked, removing the blindfold.

April looked up at June and smiled as much as she could with a full mouth the way she had. June's hand reached out again, but this time, she took the end of the scarf and yanked April to her feet.