Love or Lust

I go to the bathroom and masturbate to the dream I just had. I shower and dress up. It's about 5 am and I cannot sleep, so I opt to take a ride to clear my head. Camille is soundly asleep as I exit my bedroom. The living-room is quiet. Sasha and Vincent are asleep on the couch. Martin must have gone home.

I love how peaceful it is at this time of morning. It's like the world is asleep, together with most of my worries. I get into the garage and push my black Ducati Monster out onto the driveway and turn on the engine. The bike roars to life and I ride into the dark. There is something tranquil yet sinister about the dark. I can't tell what makes me feel so at ease and un-nerves me in the same breath. Trees speed by me. Its quiet under my helmet but my thoughts are louder than ever. I can't seem to figure out why I'm so taken by her, why I'm aching to get to know her this much. I haven't let anyone in in a long time and the thought of her in my life scares the shit out of me.

She's most likely straight and that in itself should be enough to make me keep away, because nothing fucks up a lesbian as badly as falling for a straight girl. I need to find distractions before I get hurt again.

I've been riding for one and a half hours now, and I need some company. Mostly I need something other than my fingers and the shower head to relieve the throbbing in between my thighs. I need something, someone familiar to feel the ground beneath my feet, because right now, It's slipping. I pull over by the road and call Heather.

"Hey baby. I need you right now. I think I'm about to make either the biggest mistake of my life, or the best decision. Are you home?"

"Hey sexy. No I'm not. Just getting off work, but I'll be home in about 20 minutes. What's wrong? You sound a bit off " She tells me, sounding rather excited.

"I'll tell you in person. I'll be there in about 40 minutes." I tell her. Thank God she's gonna be there by the time I get to her place.

"No worries babe. I'm here for you" She says. And with that, I ride for her house.

Heather and I have been friends for a really long time and she knows parts of me that I can't seem to share with anyone else. We've been friends with benefits for nearly six years and weirdly enough, it works for us. She knows my rawest, my most intimate thoughts. Things I couldn't possibly share with Sasha. It's not that Sasha is a judgemental person, I just don't think she'd understand my choices. And truth be told, it takes a certain kind of person to see you like that and not switch up on you

The ride to Heather's apartment was quiet. A sense of calm had come over me. She had that way of putting me at ease. I felt so free around her. She allowed me to be myself, whatever shape or form that came in. It's like nothing ever phased her, but she wasn't cold like I was. On the contrary, she was quite warm, though guarded.

On arrival, I buzzed her apartment number at the staircase door and she let me in. I hadn't seen her in quite a while. She's not changed a bit. Still as gorgeous as ever. About an inch or two shorter than me, long jet-black shoulder length hair, beautiful face, dreamy eyes, full luscious pink lips, perky breasts, toned body, slim waist, long legs, caramel colored skin. She was a sight to behold.

As I walked through the door, I could faintly smell lavender. She was just from the shower. I would recognize that scent from anywhere. She uses the same soap I do. She introduced me to it.

Heather had on a white vest, grey boxers shorts and black bathroom slippers. Her hair flowed and stopped just short of her ass. Fuck she looked amazing. She offered me choc-chip cookies that were warming in the oven, accompanied by a much needed cup of coffee.

After a few sips, I paced around her living room trying to figure out how to put into words the feelings inside me. I could feel her eyes on me, but she didn't say a word. She knew I got like this at times, while trying to describe things I didn't fully understand. Finally I gave up trying to find the right words and decided I would tell her what I could then explain where she needed me to.

"I met this girl at the mall yesterday, at the trolley section. She had her hands on the same trolley as I did and so I let her have it and she left. She was stunning! I mean fuuuck!! The woman practically was sex on two legs. I wanted to see her again, but it would be next to impossible since I didn't know anything about her. Then she comes to a party I held yesterday..." I trailed of having told her everything. And Heather being Heather, loved the dream a bit more than I did.

"I'm afraid of falling for her babe. I doubt if we play for the same team, and even if we did, I can't have her fucking around with my heart. I'm not ready to love yet, but I feel myself losing grip. I can't help it when it comes to her. I feel her creeping through my walls and it scares me!"

She looked at me for a few long moments not saying a word. I couldn't read the expression on her face. She seemed to be gathering the right words to say to me. "Babe, no one understands your fears more than I do. I know it may sound scary, well it is, truth be told. But you can't remain cooped up behind the walls you build. Take things slow, try and take your mind off her for the moment, but as you do that, ask yourself how long you'll live like this. For how long can you run from love? "

I almost burst out laughing, but her expression was unwavering. She wasn't joking. I stopped pacing and settled into her plush leather couch, she joined me, held my hand and didn't say a word. She cuddled me shortly after and we drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to the feeling of warm lips on my neck. Hands fondling my breasts. I woke up to find the beauty on top of me. She kissed me, slowly at first, then the kiss grew deeper, her knees in between my thighs, her hand steadily making its way to my wet center. Damn, she knew my body. I guess after fucking as long as we have, you come to know your partner's needs better than they do. I felt the restrains around my wrists when I tried to move my hands, she was going all out today. My pants came off with ease as her mouth moved to my now exposed nipple. Fuck that tongue sent shivers down my spine. I could smell my own arousal by now. She looked at me and told me that I'd pay for staying so long without coming to see her. Her teeth hadn't left my nipple as she said all this. Fuck I needed this. I needed what she did to me, how she made me feel, how well she knew me.

She gets my briefs off me and deliberately drags her finger as slow as she can along the length of my slit. She gets to my clit and barely touches it.

"Look at me." She demands. I obey and she slowly licks her finger as sensually as she can. The fire between my thighs is just getting fueled. Straddling me, she leans forward and slowly lowers her face to mine, but instead of feeling her lips on her, she moves to my neck nibbles on it and kisses me up to my ear and slowly releases her warm breath around my earlobe. I nearly fainted.

She pulls out 'Precious', a long thick purple strap-on. She secures the harnesses, spreads my knees and thrusts. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that the dunno was an extension of her body. She was utterly talented. She waited for me to get comfortable with the intrusion then went in deeper. She slowly pulled back and then slammed the full 8inches in me. I could feel it in my soul.

After having me cum twice, she untied me and decided to move things into the bathroom. The shower was just warm and she joined me after a few seconds. She looked abit pale as she entered the shower, but I brushed it off, thinking she was just tired. She pushed me up against the wall and then stood still and fell to the ground.

Sasha looked at me, and mouthed something. I couldn't hear her over the deafening sound of my guilt. For not checking up on Heather more often, for not knowing that she was ill.

"The EMTs say she'll... " her voice trailed off. I couldn't lose her. Not Heather. Not like this. I hadn't said goodbye to her, or that I loved her. This couldn't be the end.

The Ambulance came to a halt and we all rushed inside the hospital. I felt like an avatar in someone's video game. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be. The nurses led us to the waiting room where Martin and Vincent were waiting. They looked at me and started sobbing. I just looked at them. I felt everything and nothing at the same time, maybe not enough or too much to allow me to cry. I said a silent prayer and asked God to forgive me for almost always only praying when in need.

A few minutes or maybe hours had passed. I snapped from the daze I was in to find Vincent and Sasha gone. Martin was asleep on the couch next to me. I needed some air. Maybe a cup of water and some weed. I needed to wake up in my bed and find that this had all been a horrific nightmare.

As I walked to the vending machine for some coffee, I recognized a familiar face. It was Camille and a man walking next to her. What was she doing here?! What were they doing here?!

She walked to me, carefully trying to decipher the expressions on my face. She hugged me, told me how sorry she was and told me she'd be here for me. I thanked her, my face remaining blank. She introduced the man as her brother. Apparently he and Martin were close friends.

A doctor came to the waiting room and told us that Heather was alive and stable for the moment, but she was very lucky. This had probably happened because she had missed the last two weekly check-ups. What the fuck was he talking about?! Heather wasn't sick. I'd have known about it.