Love In The Time Of Curiosity Ch 04

After some thought I've decided to make this the last chapter in the Curiosity series, after this I will move on. I hope all who have read this series have enjoyed it.

Story first, sex second.

*

The rain pelted down on the window, everything blurred making it difficult to drive.

But it's June, there shouldn't be this much rain. Not rain, I'm still crying, I've been driving for nearly a half hour now and I haven't stopped. The image of Amanda on that sofa, naked and fucking someone else still burned into my eyes. I see a bar nearing me so I decide to stop, maybe get a drink to calm my nerves.

The bar was a small place, the name 'Dreyer's' was on a sign over the door. Inside it was an average place, mostly wood, slightly old looking, more light than a usual drinking hole but with the usual old men littered around the place. There were two people working the bar, a man and women around my age, maybe a little older. I wiped my eyes and sat at the counter, near the door and away from everyone else. The women bartender spotted me and walked over to me, placing her hands on the counter in front of me.

'Can I get you anything?' There was a strong accent in her voice but I couldn't place it, definitely wasn't from Glasgow, Scotland or even Britain.

'Yeah, can I get, just give me something cold.'

The women took one look at me; specifically she looked at my eyes. The women then poured me a soft drink.

'Here, you alright?'

'Yeah I'm fine. Why?'

'You look to have been crying. You want to talk about it?'

'No offence but I don't even know who you are.'

'Sometimes a strangers a better listener than a friend. My name's Paige Dreyer, my dad owns this place.'

The women put her hand out to shake, she seemed overly friendly but I needed company and she was offering hers.

'Heather Richards.'

I shook her hand.

'Nice to see you Heather. You want to go someplace quieter?'

'Don't you have to tend the bar?'

'Nah, it doesn't get much busier than this and Phil's got this covered. Phil, I'm going on break, call me if it gets too much.'

'Sure.'

Paige led me to the back room; it was dressed like a bedroom so I assumed she lived in the pub.

'So Heather, what's the problem?'

'Well for starters you're being far too friendly, what's going on there?'

'You and me, we got more in common than you realise.'

'What we're both sad and lonely?'

'No we're both gay.'

Out of all the answers this stranger could have given me I was not expecting that. 'What makes you think I'm gay?'

'Asides from me being as well? You came into a bar with tears in your eyes; you look to have been crying a while so I guessed you'd just broke up with someone. When a girl breaks up with someone they go to their best friend, unless it's their best friend who they broke up with.'

'Are you a fucking psychic?'

'No I'm a fucking bartender; it's in the job description to be able to read customers.'

'You still haven't said why you're helping me.'

'Because I know what it's like to lose someone and have nowhere to turn.'

'What makes you think I had nowhere...?'

'I'm pulling out the 'In a bar' card again.'

Paige and I sat in that back room for hours telling our stories; I told her about my history with Amanda from Carol's death to seeing her with Craig then to Craig's attack, her mother's death, our time together as lovers and ending with seeing her on the couch with Thomas.

Paige told her own story to me, she was mixed race, her father South African and her mother Scottish, and lived in South Africa for the first 18 years of her life -- which explained the accent. She and her family moved to Scotland once her mother got a great job offer, needing a source of income her father bought an old bar, renovated it and hired Paige to tend it when he was out of town which he was frequently. Three years later and Dreyer's is a successful chain of bars up and down the country, Paige, now at 21 years old, is in full control of the original bar and was making a pretty penny -- although she still hasn't shaken the accent. Paige explained to me that she wasn't always a lesbian, like me she thought she was bisexual and was even in a long term relationship with a guy called Bryce. However he broke up with her just over 2 years ago claiming he was stringing her along for her body and the guilt was too much for him. After that Paige couldn't trust men and started seeing more women, she'd had a few girlfriends and a few more one-night-stands but nothing serious.

It wasn't until Mands phoned me at 2 in the morning that I realised how long I'd been there with Paige, we had just instantly clicked and were talking like old friends instead of strangers who met only hours earlier. I answered the phone.

'Hey Mands.'

'Hezz where the fuck is you, I've been so worried.'

'Why didn't you phone earlier?'

'I thought you were still at Billie's, talking about and eating cake or some shit.'

I could tell she was lying -- hell I knew she was -- but I said nothing. 'I'm fine Mands, I just ran into my cousin Lucy and her husband and they took me back to theirs for dinner. I would have called but I forgot, I'm sorry.'

'It's fine I'm just glad you're safe. So you coming back home or staying there?'

'I don't know yet, if I'm not back within the hour just go to sleep.'

'Sure, love you.'

'Love you too.'

I hung up, that was the first time I questioned my love for Mands, it was genuine but there was something missing. I felt Paige shift next to me on the sofa.

'I take it that was your girlfriend.'

'Yeah, she doesn't know I saw her with Thomas.'

'You going to tell her?'

'I don't know, I think I'll go back and try to talk about it with her in the morning. Thanks for everything Paige, I guess I needed a friend more than I thought.'

I got up to leave but Paige grabbed my arm, she took my hand and put a small piece of paper in it. 'My phone number, I want to see you again.'

I looked over Paige, I really did want to see her again, she was kind to me when I needed it most despite knowing nothing about me and in just a few hours we had become friends. The fact that there was an underlying attraction both of us felt towards each other didn't hurt, Paige was easily one of the most beautiful people I'd ever met, her skin was a light brown due to her mixed race giving her the look of a deep natural tan. Her hair was long and black with the look of silk reaching her shoulders, her body was tight and toned, obviously she exercised a lot, and I couldn't see them fully but I could tell her breasts were a sight to behold, they were easily bigger than mine but still smaller than Amanda's. As I looked over Paige I could see her looking over me.

I took the phone number. 'I'll call you, I definitely want to see you as well.'

Paige smiled at me. 'Would it totally inappropriate if I kissed you?'

'Please don't. I would love to after all you've done but I'm still in a relationship as broken as it is.'

'No problem, till next time.'

I hugged Paige, letting her know there would be a next time. As I held her I felt a hand on my thigh. I looked down just as Paige moved it sheepishly.

'Sorry, force of habit.

'Wouldn't do you any good. I don't put out on the first date.'

'You call this a first date?'

'What would you?'

'The start of a beautiful friendship.'

Chuckling I left Paige, the journey home wasn't long given the early time and lack of traffic. I arrived home just before three, Mands was asleep, she'd tried to stay up for me but just couldn't make it. I slipped into bed without waking her but I didn't join her sleep immediately, my mind was still racing over the events of today; Amanda had cheated on me with Thomas, a man we knew but not well and yet I was willing to do the same with a stranger, maybe not on a physical level but emotionally Paige was there for me.

Was I just as bad as Amanda for finding someone new? Should I tell her that I saw her or wait for her to tell me?

I fell asleep a few minutes past four and awoke around 7:30, Mands was still asleep. I lay in bed watching her, annoyingly I was still in love with her despite what she did, I didn't want to be, I didn't want to be one of those women who know their partners cheating on them but do nothing about it but on the other hand I didn't want to lose Mands.

And to think less than 24 hours ago my life was fine.

I got up and headed for the shower alone, I don't know what woke me up but even with the warm water soaking my head I was falling asleep so I turned the radio on, putting it on quiet so as not to wake Mands. I missed the name of the song that came on but the lyrics seemed to speak to me.

My whole life, waiting for the right time, to tell you how I feel.

And though I try to, tell you that I need you, yet here I am without you.

I feel so lost but what can I do.

Cause I know this love seems real, but I don't know how to feel.

I missed the chorus, I was suddenly and unexpectedly reminded of how my love for Amanda started, how I spent so long trying to tell her. I sank to the bottom of the bath and cried, I cried like I hadn't in a long time. When I caught Mands with Thomas I was crying with anger, this was different, this time I was crying for true sadness. I managed to wipe myself off by the time Mands woke up.

For the next few days things were strange for me, not only did I have to deal with my knowledge of Mands infidelity but I had no-one to talk about it with; normally if something came up about me and Mands I would talk to Billie but she was married, had a one year old to handle and another kid on the way so she was busy. Call me selfish but I liked talking to Billie, it helped clear my mind. Besides it was more and more difficult to hide my anger from Mands, I was getting more and more distant from her as she vocalised several times, even in the bedroom I wasn't my usual self; I very rarely ate her out anymore and even when I did it was only after she had washed so I didn't have to taste the evidence of her cheating. I knew in the back of my mind that being this closed-off from Mands was probably pushing her closer to Thomas but I couldn't help myself.

It was a week after I caught Amanda that I called Paige again, partly because I wanted to see her again but mostly because I needed to get some things of my chest, Paige agreed to meet me at a cafe for breakfast. It was a small place we met up at; one of those 'greasy spoons', Paige had a cup of coffee while I wolfed down a plate of eggs and bacon, I needed all the strength I could get.

'I trust you didn't call me here to watch you pig out?'

I looked up from my plate, I reached over for a napkin and wiped my mouth. 'Sorry, I've been going through a lot and I need someone to talk to.'

'And you normally have your girlfriend to talk through shit with.'

'Oddly no, I have another close friend but she's got a husband and a kid now. I know we aren't that close but there was no-one else.'

'It's fine Heather, I'm a good listener.'

'Thanks, and call me Hezz, only one or two people call me Heather anymore.'

'Sure. So what's on your mind?'

'So much shit, you and me, if there is a you and me, Mands and Thomas, seeing them together like that. God I wished I hadn't open that door, this whole thing would be so much simpler if I was ignorant.'

'What made you open the door?'

'Curiosity, I heard noises and I wanted to know what they were. It was curiosity that made me realise I loved Mands and it was curiosity that took that love away.'

'But it didn't did it?'

'Ugh, no it didn't. That's what so fucked up about all this, I hate Mands for what she did but I can't stop loving her and I'm here doing the same thing she's doing.'

Paige looked at me confused. 'What do you mean, we haven't fucked. Yet.'

That made me smile. 'I mean that I'm moving on from her, I've found someone else and so has she but we haven't told each other. God I can't believe you're putting up with this shit.'

'I'm use to hearing sob stories, sort of built up a tolerance to them. Besides...'

Paige took my hand in hers. 'You're a lot cuter than my usual customers.'

Again I smiled, there was something about Paige that just lit everything up; she was calm, cool and open, you knew talking to her would cheer you up. And I'd only known her two days. We paid for breakfast and left the cafe.

'Hey Hezz, you want a lift back, I can go out your way if you need.'

'No thanks, appreciate the offer but I'll walk.'

'No problem.'

We hugged again but this time our lips get dangerously close and our eyes linger at each other for just a second too long. I watched Paige get into her car and drive away, life was getting far too complicated.

That night in bed I decided to give Mands another shot, after my talk with Paige I knew for certain that I hadn't given up on her yet. Or had I? Mands was under the covers licking me to another fantastic orgasm and I was fighting back from yelling out Paige's name.

I felt her kisses on my clit. 'Oh God, P, P, Pa.' In a sudden flash of worry I bit down on my lower lip to stop from yelling. A quick hot flash ran over my body and I knew I had come again. Mands shuffled up from under the covers to lay on top of me and look me in the eyes.

'God Hezz you must have really needed that. What were you saying earlier?'

'Um, I was almost yelling 'Please don't stop.' But I stopped myself; one of us yelling is bad enough.'

'I'll say, you're bleeding.'

'What?'

And that's when I tasted the blood, I had bitten down so hard I had burst my lip. 'Fuck, I didn't even realise.'

Mands just giggled at me. 'Guess I'm getting better or you were just really horny.'

'I'd say the latter Mands, we haven't fucked like that in a long time.'

'I know, I'm really glad we were able to do this, I've missed this. Something's come between us and I don't know what.'

I know, the dick of some doctor we hardly know you cheating cun...

My mind was screaming at me to tell Mands what I saw but my heart was telling me to keep quiet and not fuck up the best relationship I'd ever had.

'I know what you mean Mands, I guess we've both been preoccupied. Plus with Billie I guessed you wanted to be left alone for a while.'

'What'd you mean?'

'Well you were a little jealous about Billie having a kid now here she is with two and I felt a little guilty about not being able to give you one.'

Mands gave a cute little giggle. 'That's no reason for us to stop seeing each other. My problems are my problems, besides if I wanted a kid I'm not going to jump on the first dick I see.'

By now my mind was reduced to tears by my ignorance towards it but I couldn't say anything. I simply smiled and let Amanda fall asleep in my arms.

Fuck my head.

Fuck my heart.

Fuck my fucked up life.

JULY

Remember way back when Mands was attacked by Craig, that was almost two years ago. Back then I was frustrated because Mands was sharing a bed with me and I didn't know how to tell her. Now I'm frustrated because Mands was sharing a bed with someone else and I didn't know how to tell her I knew.

This whole situation was ruining me, I'm know around Uni for being a friendly and easygoing person but lately I've been snapping at people and getting close to arguments with nearly everyone. Amanda's noticed it but I've said it's nothing and passed it off as one of many excuses I've used; now I'm running out. However it's not just Mands that's noticed it, on one day in July Rachel cornered me about what was bothering me, I kept it mostly secret, not letting her know about Mands cheating me, I still respected her privacy.

With no-one else to turn to I was spending almost all my time was Paige, she had become the new Billie in my life in that she listened to my problems but she was in danger of becoming the new Amanda in my life as well. One night in July sticks out as being particularly dangerous.

It was warm and sticky the entire day but by the evening it had cooled down a bit, I took a drive to Paige's bar, it was busier now than it had ever been before. As I walked in Paige spotted me.

'Hezz, hey. Just go round back I'll meet you in a minute or two.'

'Sure.'

I navigated my way to Paige's room at the back of the bar, on the way I heard a conversation between Paige and the other bartender Phil.

'That your new girlfriend Paige?'

'Yeah, she's got a beautiful cunt so hands off.'

That made me giggle. In Paige's room I realised it was the first time I had been in there on my own, I took a quick look round; the room was incredibly small, liveable but still small. There was a single bed on one side of the room and a two-seater sofa next to it. Instead of a wardrobe there was a pole drilled into two sides of a wall where all her coats where hanging and instead of a chest of drawers there was only a few selves on one wall side, her underwear on the top self out of sight. A poster was next to the selves, it was the famous one of the two girls in shirts and pants kissing on a bed, the whole thing was in black and white, the only other poster was an old movie one for Taxi Driver. Other than that there was a TV at the foot of the bed and a cabinet near the headrest with a lamp, a book -- Lady Chatterley's Lover, half-way read -- and a photo in a frame. I sat on the bed and looked at the photo, it was taken on a beach on a windy day, there was three people in the photo, Paige was on the left side looking a little younger than she does now, a boy about 18 or 19 was in the middle and another girl, maybe in her 20s, was on the right holding the camera, looking at the boy I saw an eerie resemblance to Caleb. Just then I heard the door open.

'Sorry for keeping you, busy day today.'

'It's alright.'

'I see you found my favourite picture.' Paige sat down next to me and gently took the photo from my hands. 'That's my old boyfriend Bryce, taken a couple of years ago, I know he hurt me but it reminds me of a simpler time.'

'What's Bryce's surname?'

'Dawltry why?'

'He looks my friends' brother; his name is Dawltry as well. Might be related.'

They were actually, I called Billie later on and asked her about Bryce, he's their cousin on their dad's side but they don't see much of him.

'Who's the other girl?' I asked Paige.

'Sam, Bryce's cousin, or sister if you want to the specific.' Paige took one look at my confused face and thought it best to explain. 'Bryce's parents are dead, dad killed before he was born and mum committed suicide when he was a one year old. He was adopted and raised by his aunt and uncle, Sam's parents.'

'Thank god, I was afraid there might be a pattern forming in the Dawltry genes.'

'What?'

'Never mind.' I almost gave away Billie's secret again.

'Ok, what brings you back to my neck of the woods?'

'I'm supposed to have a reason now, what if I just wanted to see you?'

'What would your girlfriend say?'

'Mmfhmffhmfhff.'

'What the fuck was that?'

'That was her talking with a mouth full of dick.'

Paige mouth dropped in a manner suiting an 'Oh my god' moment. 'Hezz that's you girlfriend why you being so bitchy?'

'She cheated on me I have every right to be bitchy.'

'So why haven't you told her yet?'

That brought everything crashing back down, it was the one question I'd hope to avoid this whole evening. I fell backwards onto the bed.

'Same reason as always, same reason I didn't tell her yesterday, same reason I didn't tell her last week. Same reason I probably won't tell her next week. I'm still in love with her.'

Paige fell next to me on the bed, but she did it more gracefully and landed on her side, she propped herself up on her shoulder. 'I take it sharing's out of the question.'

Once again Paige had managed to make a smile cross my face. 'Yeah, I don't believe in open relationships, for Amanda it's either him or me.'