Losing My Balance

Dear Readers, I definitely suggest reading the other installments before this or I'll look like a crazy person ;) Hope you all enjoy, and please send feedback/comments/constructive criticism, adds more fuel to writing the story and I enjoy it! And thanks to my speedy editor Azure_skies!

******

From Irri's Eyes:

Bee knew better than to try and talk to me as we walked to the car. How great is it to be mad at someone when they know you really well? It's not. It's not great at all. They know exactly how to handle you, so all you can do is to stew in frustration. You can be sure that I wasn't going to bring it up first! That was her job. Yet, she knew that I would be too angry to have a real conversation right now. Instead, we were sitting in silence. See? She's already less petty than me. She was open and genuine when talking to me at the club, while I can't even say a word to her right now. The only thing I was capable of asking was, "Are you okay to drive?"

She responded back with a tight smile and a nod.

As we sat in the car, she made no efforts to get me to talk. This gave me time to lament. A lot of time. Even though I had decided, after what happened, that anything romantic or physical between us was the wrong direction, it didn't change the events of the evening. She tried to kiss me while on a date with someone else! And she didn't tell me she was on a date when I asked why she was there. I know she's of the spontaneous stock, but it's common sense not to do that to people. Especially your best friend. Your best friend deserves to know this kind of shit, not to mention, a whole freaking date to herself! I mean, if things were headed in that direction. And we weren't. Like I said, there will be nothing romantic or sexual between us. Before you ask, no she does not get a part in this decision. As this night goes to show, she doesn't always make the best moral decisions.

Bee pulled up to a fast food drive-through and ordered some of our favorite drunchie food without asking. She also paid for the whole cost without a word to me. The nerve of that suck up! She was trying to bribe me with curly fries. Well, it wasn't working: not one bit! I begrudgingly ate some of the fries and handed her some while she drove. I do have to admit, fries are my ultimate sobering food. It's the starch and the fact that you eat them one by one. It steadies you.

I tried to ignore the smug smile that flitted across her face as she saw me eating the fries. The gall of her! This was earning her no points.

Also, it's not helpful to have a gorgeous best friend. Who signed me up for this? The window was open and Bee's stray hairs fell over her neck in a way that made me want to sweep them away and then kiss her neck. Kiss it? No, no, AND no. Bad girl, I chastised myself.

This whole damn night was full of frustration: sexuality frustration, sexual frustration, annoying-little-red-heads-who-interrupt-and-weren't-even-that-pretty frustration. Damn it, I am not jealous. I blame everything on Bee.

Sitting in the car on the way to my house, the cool wind rushed through the car, and the hum of the radio seemed to crackle with my mood. When we finally arrived, instinct told me to invite her in but everything else said fuck no. Yes it was because I was angry with her, but it also didn't seem smart to invite her when I had a big bed to add as an additional elephant to the room: like we needed anymore! But it was late, and usually she would spend the night. Whatever, I have no obligation to invite her in! Things had changed in a matter of a few hours between us, but it could get back to normal if I just handled it in the right way.

*****

From Bee's Eyes:

I know she wouldn't want to invite me in as per usual. And I understood it... I fucked up. I was on a date with someone else and then I tried to... Well, I tried to kiss my best friend. My platonic best friend. I couldn't help it though, in that moment. Everything in me, my whole body was pushing me to do it. And besides, throw in some drinks and that's what you get. My deepest darkest desires? Who the fuck knows?

And worse off, I had been on a date and purposefully not told her. How could I help it though? When I had stood in front of Irri, everything faded away. All I saw was the pout on her lips, at being caught in a lie, the way her chest moved when she took a breath... She was everything, and everything else just drew a blank.

The blabber mouth date with the worst timing included.

I admit it: it was a sneaky move to text Amir before Irri had a chance to leave with him. And, I let Dana talk her ear off to accomplish it which was probably even worse. But, it was also the smartest thing to do given the fact that she was ready to run away from me. It had never been like that before, sure we had gotten into a few big arguments, but we usually battled it out till we were exhausted and had to say sorry.

We needed this chance to talk, and I had just done what was necessary to make that happen.

Irri got out of the car without a word. I quickly shut off my car and followed her to make sure that she wasn't running away from me again.

She speed walked to her door, and I took large strides right behind her. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, I was gifted with the view of her ass and hips as she walked. I had to suck in a breath just to steady myself. Did her hips always have that sway? The way she walked exuded sex... Woah, from a kiss to sex? I'm way too ahead of myself.

We reached her porch, and Irri in her rush, dropped her keys. My jaw also instinctively dropped when she went to pick up her keys. The fabric of her skirt tightened around her ass. My hands tingled with the thought of reaching out and grabbing her hips... Even stepping up behind her and feeling her against me. I shivered. This was not good. Usually I had more willpower than this; I needed to stop thinking dirty enough to have a real conversation.

By this time, Irri had turned around and was looking at me with a wry expression, "I knew it; this skirt does make my ass look too big."

I dry coughed and hung my head, avoiding her eyes but unable to avoid giving myself away, "It's not that..." I murmured.

Her skin flushed as she realized what I meant. My eyes met hers again and I watched her trying to compose herself.

"Irri," I said quietly.

Instantly, she tried to cut me off, "I think we should just talk tomorrow, it's been a long night and..."

I took a step forward while she pressed her back to her door.

"Let me at least say something Irri," I raised my voice a little. I didn't move closer to her as much as I wanted to. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if we were touching. This was too much like the situation at the club. First I had to corner her to get some answers out and now I had to corner her to apologize and figure this shit out.

She raised her chin to me defiantly," You had all of the car ride to say something and you didn't! Better yet, you could have just told me while we were at the club Bee!"

I had to choke down a laugh, "If I had brought this up in the car, you wouldn't have listened and you know it! You were way too angry!"

She just glared at me, "And whose fault is that?"

I sighed, this bitch. She was trying to "logic" me into a corner. We weren't even getting to the real issue. She was just trying to frustrate the hell out of me so she could escape into her house. Too damn bad for her that I know her better than that!

"Irri, you can try all you want to make this about that, but I'm going to get out what I need to say," I took a quick breath before she could interrupt me. "I should have told you that I was on a date, and I shouldn't have tried to... tried to do anything with you while I was on said date. You of all people don't deserve that! But in that moment, and this is no excuse, but I wasn't thinking clearly..." I hung my head. I was at a loss of words. How do you explain to your best friend that they were driving you crazy? That in that moment, the only thing you had wanted in the damn world was to kiss them. To kiss Irri hard and possessively in a way that wasn't friend-like at all. To make her forget that she had kissed someone else that night.

I lifted my eyes and saw Irri chewing on her lip nervously. Her hands were clenched into fists and she stood in a resolute stance.

She started out quietly in a way that made me ache, "Maybe it was a good thing that it didn't happen."

I don't think I could hide the expression on my face when she said that. Her eyes were dark and solemn, maybe it was my imagination, but they looked sad.

I stuttered out, completely caught off guard, "You can't mean that."

Irri shrugged and drew her eyes away from mine, "Can't I? I mean two best friends?" She smiled bitterly, "We all know how the story goes Bee. It doesn't end well for either. We don't even know what this is between us, and for me, it's not worth the risk of our friendship."

I was again at a loss of what to say. It sounded like she was talking herself into this and trying to do the same to me. But everything she was saying gave her more confidence. She wasn't pressed back against the door now, she inched closer to me. Her smooth and soft hand reached for my cheek and I let her cup it.

The light feathery feeling of her fingers made my skin tingle at the same time that I was aching inside. What a fucking paradox.

I looked her straight in the eyes, "So what then? We just pretend that there's nothing between us?"

Her fingers stroked down my cheek and I resisted the urge to press into her touch, "Whether it's just a physical attraction or something more... It's not a good idea. Besides, nothing is permanent, right?" She offered up a weak smile, "Before we know it, you'll have hooked your next girl and I'll probably be an out bi-sexual."

I steeled my voice, "That's really what you want? To pretend that we're just two best friends with a platonic relationship until we find other people in the mean time? How well did that work out for Alice and Dana?" My mind had jumped to the L Word. Irri had watched that with me during our third year of college, maybe now it made even more sense that she had enjoyed it so much.

Irri grinned at the reference, though her eyes looked remorseful. Her hand dropped from my cheek to my shoulder, "Well, we're acknowledging that there's something here, whether it's temporary or not, and choosing not to act on it. And I'd say we have a bit more will power than a couple of crazy sex fiends."

It felt like my temperature raised a couple of degrees when Irri referenced us and sex together. I had to push back the dirty thoughts to the dark recesses of my mind. In the meantime, me being hurt wasn't getting any results. Irri was even more confident because she was in the role of supportive best friend. She was used to that role with me and wasn't showing herself to be as off kilter as I knew she MUST be feeling.

So with that, I went with a different strategy to put her in a place that she wasn't used to.

I moved my body closer to hers now. Our bodies were millimeters apart and I could feel the heat radiating off of her skin. She looked up at me with an eyebrow raised. While she knew that I was up to something, who's to say she would stop me? And who's to say that she would WANT to stop me?

I tipped my head down so that our faces were closer together. I could see the faint tint of pink across her golden brown complexion at this angle. It was intoxicating to even be playing with her like this. My voice was husky when I whispered, "If that's really what you want, I'll go with it. For YOU. But if we're deciding this right now, tomorrow's the clean slate. I want what you promised me earlier this night." Her eyes flashed up at me and a slow spreading grin seeped through my face.

*****

From Irri's Eyes:

I had done it. I had put a stop to whatever was happening between as much as I wanted to indulge in more with her.

But now here she was with me, showing a side that I knew was there but personally never had any experience with. She was using her honeyed voice and height to try and persuade me, but I couldn't show her that it was working.

So, I tried for humor. "I didn't promise you anything lady!" I looked up her indignantly, with a smile plastered on my face, "You didn't even buy me dinner, Dana should be the one who owes you something!"

It wasn't working.

Bee's arm slowly snaked around me. She wrapped it around my waist and now our bodies were pressed up against each other as we faced each other. I wanted to let out a gasp of air at the feeling. As opposed to when we were cuddling in bed, this had an air of raw desire. This wasn't a PG friends touch. It felt sinfully good. Her body was so soft against mine; it seemed to fit perfectly alongside my curves. The heat of her skin almost caused me to break out in a cold sweat. My heart was pounding.

Out on the street, it was dark save a few street lamps. And there I was, on my porch, pressed up against my best friend. It felt like we were the only ones in the world. I tried to will myself to not get turned on. Despite it all, my nipples hardened when I felt her skin against mine, and a delicious throb seemed to possess my body. It's as if I was a rock under the sun, and she was creating heat from the outside that worked all the way to my insides.

The strands of hair framed her face perfectly, and my porch light created almost a halo effect. It was wrong because she looked anything but angelic. Her cheekbones made me just want to lean in and kiss each one of them, and then press my face into her long neck and stay there for a long long time.

I didn't know what to do with myself... or her; I had never seen her like this before. She had never talked to me like this before and it was driving me crazy.

Bee's words were silky and heated, "That's not going to work with me Irri. You promised me something earlier when you said my name and pulled my head to yours... When you licked your lips and looked at my lips." I could feel her hot breath against my own lips now, and all I could imagine was the feeling of them against mine. It was like I couldn't catch my breath. My chest rose and fell shallowly as Bee's eyes bore into mine, "I'm not asking you for anything else. Are you going to give me at least that much before we start pretending?"

Bee's eyes now drifted to my lips, the only way I could respond was with a visceral shiver. Despite my best efforts to resist, I pushed my body against hers. I loved feeling her skin against mine. Her voice had lowered to a pitch that I hadn't heard before. It was unfamiliar but familiar at the same time. Dangerous but comfortable.

Then, she really drove me crazy.

She tipped her head sideways, broke the distance between us, and flicked her tongue over my bottom lip. It was this hint of warmth and wetness for just a second that made me come undone. I let out a mewl in response.

It was like tipping over a row of dominoes.

Bee shoved me against the door at the same my fingers tangled in her hair, nails against her scalp as I pulled her face to mine. Our lips crushed each other and we kissed hungrily.

I could feel it throughout my body, through my fucking bones.

Bee's lips were as silky as her words. The sharpness of her teeth as she nipped my lip was possessive. Her tongue teased mine as it slipped into my mouth, and the only thing I could do was tug at her hair and pull her closer... meeting her with full force back.

I was flat against the cold wood of my door and she pinned herself against me. My body writhed and pushed itself onto her: it was almost too much to handle.

When Bee moaned into my mouth, I could feel it all the way down to my pussy. I was fucking soaked from her touch, the feel of her body against mine, and the sound of her moans. Man, woman, it didn't matter... It was just her and me. And she invaded my bloodstream like nothing else before.

*****

I wouldn't stop kissing her willingly. I never wanted it to end. The only thing that stopped us was the pesky need to breathe. When we finally broke the head fuck embrace, I was panting into Irri's neck. My face pressed against it and I just breathed her scent in. There were two things running through my head.

1. She had to see that this was worth exploring, whatever it was. Even if it was just temporary.

2. Who has she been kissing? She's fucking mind-blowing...

Irri's forehead was resting on my shoulder as I nuzzled her neck. Our bodies were still tightly pressed against one another. Hers felt delicious under mine, those curves, God, those curves. I didn't want to let her go.

I didn't want to ask her the next question, but she's my best friend and I need to respect her boundaries. I would show her that I could be mature about this. Slowly, I moved my head so that we were face to face and smiled wryly, "You sure about what you said before?"

Irri's cheeks were flushed. Her lips were darker and swollen from my kisses (instead of that bitch at the club) and I couldn't help but feel a swell of happiness at that. I could only imagine what she looked like the morning after. I bet it was fucking radiant.

Her eyes were so rich, full of a current of thoughts and worries that I wanted to brush away. When Irri spoke, her voice was a bit rusty, "Even more sure... That was really really dangerous Bee..."

I tried to lighten the mood, "Well I do like living on the edge," I smiled wiggling my eyebrows. I then tried to talk to her more seriously, "We can do what you said Irri, I'll respect it. You know I would do anything for you and our friendship... But it's going to be hard if not impossible to pretend that whatever this is, doesn't exist. Especially after that kiss you stud, you."

Irri exhaled a quiet breath and a smile pulled at her lips, "You're the stud after that kiss! And I know. I know it's going to be hard, but I think we can do it. Who's to say it won't fade anyway?"

I nodded, trying to make light of the disappointment I felt. "Is it against the rules if I flirt with you?"

She smiled tightly, "Totally against the rules you dork."

I mock sighed and then tipped my head to kiss her cheek softly. It was a light touch, because I knew I was going to have to watch myself now, or at least try to. I exhaled a breath, "Well, you better get inside then before I ravish you."

Irri shivered for a second at the jest and I smiled to myself... Maybe a little flirting might go a long way. I don't know if I could pretend as well as she could. Lawyers in training could be good enough liars, but if this thing is something we couldn't fight, why waste all of our energy on that? I'll put a little towards flirting.

She then put her hands on my shoulders and lightly pushed me off of her, letting out another deep breath, "You sure you don't want to come in Bee?" She added a warning tone, "JUST to sleep?"

I full out grinned, this could be fun. "I'm sure oh grumpy one! I'll see you soon?"

She smiled sweetly, "Yes asshole, you will."

That's my girl.

I mean my best friend: that's my best friend...