This story was co-authored by a good friend of mine, who wants to be referred to as Giggles. She wrote most of the parts that don't involve sex.
*
"Ugh, my feet hurt. Maybe Greg will rub them when I get home..." I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. I don't remember if I even grabbed my bag or not, as soon as I walked in the door I saw them. First I looked at the guy on my couch. "Who the hell is that? ...Oh. Oh hell no." I guess Greg wasn't planning on rubbing my feet when I got home. He was a little busy. Sucking some fuck's dick. On my fucking couch.
"What the fuck is this?"
"Mmmslurpwha? Oh. Um. Lily.."
I walked out. I walked out of the room, into our bedroom, and slammed the door. I put my dirtiest suitcase on the bed, OUR bed, the bed we made love on and slept together in. That fucking asshole. I threw a pile of shirts, jeans, and sweatpants in, kicked off my heels, put on my boots and grabbed my coat and purse. That fucking ASSHOLE. I grabbed my bag and stormed out. The guy I didn't know was still on my couch, sheepishly looking at the ground. Greg was standing up and fiddling with his hands.
"Lil, come on, let's talk about this."
I looked at him in pure revulsion, and slammed the door. I threw my bag in the backseat and called my sister.
"Jenna. I need a room. Tonight. The biggest, nicest, comfiest room with a huge-ass bed and a fireplace and I'll need skis and a mask and a bottle of fucking champagne in my room. This is me calling in the favor you owe me for doing your 9th grade Bio project."
"Lily? What the hell is going on? What's wrong?"
"Later. I love you. Thanks babe."
I hung up.
"Shit, is my 50 Cent CD still in here?" It was. Damn, my car had good bass. The drive up to the resort wasn't too bad.
"I think 50 cent would think my ass is hot. He'd think my ass is hot, right? I have a big ass. It's nice. Yeah, 50 cent would like it. I'm hot. I'm hot, right?"
"Lily, shut up."
I was babbling. In my own head. Finally I got to the resort and called my sister again.
"Jenna, I'm here."
"I got your room babe. But you owe me an explanation."
"You'll get one. Don't worry. Just.. later."
I picked up my keycard at the front desk and took the elevator.
"5th floor. Sweet."
My room was all the way at the end of the hall.
"Should be a nice view... What fresh hell?"
My room key didn't work. I tried it backwards, slowly, fast, held it in for 5 seconds.
"Fuckin' aye."
Then she walked up. She smiled at me, but I was kind of busy trying not to stare at her.
"Since when the hell do you check out girls?"
I was probably standing there smiling, looking like an idiot. She slipped her room key in and frowned. She tried again, slowly. For once, I liked the sound of that little beep and the red light.
"Is yours not working either? I've been trying for 5 minutes.."
"Yeah that's weird! Maybe they're switched?"
We exchanged keys and tried again. Miraculously, both doors clicked open.