Helen declared she and I should go inside and talk alone, to check in, one on one. While she and I were alone together, Sassa would lead Gabriela, Gloria and Stefania in a discussion and review of the contract and manual.
Helen paused thoughtfuly, seemed to decide on something... then said that before she and I left, the newcomers should see me in a more fully enslaved mode, to help them understand the full reality of my sex slave status before diving into the contract and slave owner's manual.
Helen warned them we are what some consider "hard core," (though others might consider us in the middle of the bdsm range, because we won't do certain things that to us seem too unloving, and we simply are not into some other bdsm things).
Helen told the three new women they are urged and encouraged to come up with their own ideas of enjoying the slave, but anything not already in the manual should be checked with her or Sassa.
Helen bade me walk with her into the house to go through the bdsm gear.
I felt that growing familiar feeling, a combination of thrill, nervousness and embarrassment. Helen picked out a nose ring, ropes, collar, leash, and nipple clamps. I picked the ankle shackles and chain, telling Helen it would be very humiliating to be hobbled, forced to shuffle in tiny steps in front of them.
Helen smiled and looked at me thoughtfully, saying I was amazing. Helen kissed me sweetly on the cheek.
"Your telling me that reminds me how you love this so much, and I'm glad to be able to provide all this for you."
I smiled. "Thank you so much!"
We kissed on the lips tenderly.
I asked "does this still turn you on too? I want you to live this fantasy-made-real too."
Helen beamed. "More and more so. Yes," she nodded, "it's working for me, you hottie."
She lightly pinched a nipple.
"In fact, I'm totally getting into this. I'll explain when we're alone."
"Oh! I'm so glad!" I smiled back, lovingly.
"Let's go back. I think we have enough toys for now. You know, we're going to place a huge order for more today. Everyone will get to choose more, including you."
My eyes widened. "Oh wow! I'm so excited. Thank you!"
Helen shook her head in amazement as she said "You're excited we're going to buy stuff that will be used to give you pain and humiliation?!"
I nodded with a smile. "It's what I'm into. What can say l, except that I love it!"
Helen smiled back, but then looked seriously at me for a moment.
"Are you sure you can handle it all, for so long, 24/7, week after week after week?"
I paused. "I intend to. I understand I will suffer, and I want that kind of suffering, because I'll also be so aroused, and arousing others, and it's my dream I MUST live out. Thank you so so so so much!"
Helen said "I'll make sure they don't go too far. I'll check in with you on how you're doing mentally and watch how you're doing physically. I'll have a medical worker check in on you, and all of us, actually."
My voice quavered in gratitude: "You are so good to me, Helen."
Helen nodded, but then added, "As I just said though, I am getting into this bdsm stuff. I'll be responsible, but I'm truly getting off on your, um, 'tests of submission' and so-called 'discipline.'"
I nodded and kissed her again. "That makes me so happy."
Helen marveled. "You're one of a kind!"
I nodded and said, It's unusual, but I've found that many others have all kinds of lifestyles. Maybe not truly 24/7 for many months though..."
Helen caressed my face. "You don't want me to let you get out of this, though, do you?"
"As long as my limits aren't seriously exceeded, please do not let release me, even if I cry miserably. I've got to live this experience or I'll regret it my entire life! I desperately want to do this."
My heart raced at my own words and the admission by Helen that she was getting off more and more on my subbiness.
Then as we started walked with the gear back out to the others, my heart raced even more. We were returning to my being the full and utter sex slave. And the newcomers would for the first time see me up close treated like the sex slave I had willingly become, the totally used property. And it was a situation of my own making.
Yes, they had seen me totally nude and shaven the entire very short time they've known me, while they were fully clothed.
Yes, they'd seen me kneel and felt me licking and kissing their feet, ankles and shins.
But they'd never seen me up close erotically bound and harnessed, humiliated with a large nose ring, in pain from nipple clamps.
They'd never seen me humiliatingly hobbled, unable to run or even walk fast.
They'd never seen me so dominated and owned, and able to participate in my domination.
I still had that notion they were more like friends than sex partners and slave owners. This notion made me feel humiliated. And that feeling made me even more aroused, even as it made me uncomfortable.
Complicated feelings for a simple situation I had dreamed of for a long time: I the always-naked-totally-owned-sex-slave of lovely and passionate women. Reality is more complicated than fantasy.
Therefore, as we walked I back into the sunshine, I looked at Gabriela, Sophia and Stefania with a small sense of panic as their heads turned toward my full frontal nudity. Sassa stopped speaking and also turned. The silence and the stares doubled my trepidation. I felt shame at the thought they were about to change the way they thought and felt about me. And it was my own doing. Well, not totally my own.
Helena asked Sassa to help her "decorate" me.
I attempted to smile at Stefania, who helped with a return smile, but maybe she sensed my smile was weak from my embarrassment and suddenly increased nervousness, or she was focused on the equipment, or maybe a bit of both. Her smile was slight.
Later, I wondered about my state of mind at that moment. Why was I suddenly so fearful?