It took me about twenty seconds to come crashing back to reality after the last twitch of a hard orgasm left me motionless. I grabbed the back of her head and half-pulled, half-shoved her from my drenched walls. Her face, as she crawled up my weakened body, was shiny with cum and still sporting a slightly predatory look. As our lips met, I tasted the leftover remnants of her venture south.
I loved the feel of her silky lips on mine. It was the one pleasure I allowed myself on the other side of the wall that kept me safe from any kind of emotional risks. Everything else, I kept at a distance. But, the feel of her lips was my version of Heaven. Maybe the only one I'd ever see, so I cherished it wholly and without reservation.
The only problem was, lately she had been coming closer than anyone ever had to breaching that wall I'd so carefully built. I could see it coming, this frightening emotional risk of disaster, but I was beginning to find myself helpless to prevent it. That didn't mean I was about to let her know how close she was to becoming "the one". If she found out, she would have too much power over my emotional well-being and after the last roller coaster of pain; I wasn't about to open that door without first being dragged through it.
"Mmhh..."
Her satisfied moan eased me from my reflections as I felt her delicious hands roaming freely over my hot, sweaty torso. A tingle followed as she took my right nipple in her magical mouth.
"I can't go anymore..." I panted, slightly breathless.
My slick, puckered nipple popped angrily from her mouth as she lifted her hooded eyes. With a slight pout, she gave my left nipple a quick tweak, then sighed audibly before leaning up to give me a peck on the lips. Reaching behind her, my Goddess of Mystery gathered the wadded sheets and covered us both. She snuggled into my side, comfortably assured of her place.
I fought back momentary panic. She was too comfortable and that was making me uncomfortable. Too close. Too damn close to my heart. I had a sudden urge to fling back the covers and run screaming from the room. However, my sanity returned as I heard and felt her soft, even breaths caressing my bare shoulder.
I gave in to the turbulent thoughts racing haphazardly through my mind. What the hell was I doing letting this woman past the barrier? I was setting myself up for heartbreak and I damn well deserved it if I broke my one standing rule, to never let myself depend on anyone for anything. Another panic wave hit me as I faced the realization that I'd already broken that rule with her. I needed her.
Fuck!
She shifted in her sleep and I felt the weight of her breast resting on my arm just above my elbow. In the dark, alone now that she was sleeping, I allowed myself a moment to fantasize that maybe this could work. Maybe I had a chance at happiness after all. Images of a life together strayed cautiously to the edge of my thoughts, but I was too frightened to embrace them fully.
Within seconds, the voice of reason returned. Happiness was just a word. I was too much of a realist to let silly fantasies of so-called "true love" make a fool of me. I convinced myself I was simply more emotional than usual because of the phenomenal sex we had just finished and I would feel differently in the morning. All I needed was rest.
I purposefully forced thoughts of her from my mind and concentrated instead on my upcoming photography shoot. My last thought as I drifted off was of the finicky male model I would be working with tomorrow. The little prick better be on time...
She was gone when I woke. On the pillow beside me was a note card with a single word printed in her flowing script.
Tonight
I shivered despite myself. No one since Nicci had even come close to touching my heart, until now. I smiled softly and laid the note and the promise aside, at least until tonight.
After a steamy shower, I steeled myself for another stressful day and eased out the door of my apartment. Memories of the night before refused to be ignored, but I was somehow able to push through the day and complete the photo shoot.
Six o'clock found me on the couch in my apartment, staring at the television without really seeing it. My thoughts were centered on the one thing I was trying not to think about, her.
I wanted her. Who wouldn't? She was beautiful, calm, and intelligent ... and she wanted me. Wasn't that enough? It should have been, but I was deathly terrified of letting myself fall. I knew, without admitting it that this woman had the power to save or destroy me. She was seeping inside my soul and if I allowed it, she could own me.
What if she left? I barely survived Nicci. How could I possibly survive having the Earth ripped from underneath my feet once again? I would surely disappear. Sternly, I wouldn't allow myself the luxury of believing she would never leave. Everyone left. It was just a question of when.
I sipped the Smirnoff without really tasting it. My nerves were as raw as my emotions so when I heard her key in the lock, I froze. Anticipation coupled with nervous energy drove me to her side and I was on her before the lock clicked behind us.
